Today is D day and I'm terrified! Help

[Menopause728]

I began taking narcotics for legitimate reasons like most here have. I still have the chronic pain but since my hysterectomy I have lacked energy, suffer severe depression and currently going through empty next syndrome. My baby is in Afghanastan and I am terrified for there safety.
I had taken Lortabs off and in for several years due to multiple surgeries and always stopped with no issues.
Now my neurosurgeon has told me if I have the two additional surgeries I could end up in a wheel chair and I have to work. So he referred me to pain management and was prescribed Perc's that was my downfall. I am now running out two weeks early each month because they provided me the energy I needed, made the issues in my heart numb so I could go on with every day life and I know I was just medicating the problem.
I am out again and missed work today on day two of withdrawal and I know I must make some changes. My husband is due home in 30 minutes and I am about to come clean with him. He will go through the roof. He does not believe in any medications but I know I must get help and this is my first step. There are many factors as to why I've taken them, we've had a good marriage but it's like we just coexist anymore. I guess after 30 years of marriage the romance dept kind of dwindles. I hate my job, my baby is in a war zone, I feel lonely in my soul, I have an older child age 31 that I haven't seen or talked to in over a year and a half. He was a hard child to raise, was incarcerate from the age of 17 till 24 and just doesn't seem to fit into regular society norm.
I am fairly intelligent and I'm sure I will be told that I need to see a counselor but after working a all day I barely have the energy to cook a meal much less pour my heart out to a stranger. I was taking 10 7.5 Perc's a day. Any advice for me?

[Brightfutureahead]

Hi there :) I remember you from a few months ago...glad to see ya back, I remember being in the same position over the summer...try to hang in there and get rid of any sources you have for pills,,,if they're there, you'll probably use them ...your mind really starts screaming for you to do so when you're in the thick of things.

I'm not sure what to tell you about work...but it seems as though you really should keep going considering you've made it 2 days (is it 2?) if you get pills to hold you out until the weekend, then what? You'll still be back to work on day 3. It sounds cliche but there really is no time like today to start your life! Plus, you've already started :)

[Menopause728]

I appreciate your response and he took it better than I antipated it and for that I am grateful. Today I haven't left the bed but I can not fathom going to work tomorrow though I must.
I am taking vitamins, immodium, drinking lots of water, Advil and muscle relaxers becausey back has already began with the spasms. I want so bad to get a few pills to make it until the weekend first. I know that sounds silly because I will be on my third day but I've read it can be even worse!! I don't know what to do! I already missed five days of work last month with a legitimate flu and can't afford to miss any more!

[kyle505]

Life will deliver to you, neatly wrapped and right to your doorstep, hundreds of reasons to use. Granted, you've got some issues going on right now, but as you've already discovered the meds don't really do much. You'll get an hour or so of numbness, and then it's back to the game.
If you have legit pain, then you need to come clean to your doc. Let him/her know that you're abusing the meds. You need someone you can trust to administer the meds per the script. Your husband would be a good choice, but I guess you have to see how he reacts after you tell hime. Bottom line, you will need a support system.
Finally, some of the things you've mentioned may be caused, or at least made worse, by meds. The lack of interest in your relationship, lack of energy, feeling depressed and/or overwhelmed - all are a part of using. At least for me, those issues went away after I'd been clean for a couple of months.
It looks like you've made a decision to quit, or at least to manage your usage. Don't use your personal issues as an excuse not to quite, or as a reason to relapse. Keep posting.

[Menopause728]

Excuse the typographical errors, I'm using my phone! Sorry