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What to do, told wife last night..shes not speaking to me
I wanted to wait until I was at least 72 hours clean with Vicodin. My wife came home from work at 10:30 last night. I had been clean for over 72 hours. I thought this would be a good time to tell her about my vicodin addiction/dependency. I told her I had been taking them for 3 1/2 years, and hiding them. She wanted to know I got the money.. they were covered by my insurance, so I only paid $10 a month for 120 pills. I explained the past 4 days I had been feeling WD, and not a cold. She knew I was feeling like crap and had asked me what was wrong. I told her I jsut feel like crap, must be a bug. She had nothing to say so I finally asked her if she had anything to say. She asked what did I want her to say. I said I was hoping you'd be a little more supportive. That was it.. we haven't spoken since. I left about 100 vics on her dresher so she could dump them, and know I was serious about quitting. Is this a nrmal reaction from her? Is there anything else I should do, or just let her be until she comes to me? thanks everyone!
Best Answer
Hi there---good for you! The fact that you had all those Lortabs while you were in the middle of withdrawal and didn't use really says something. Then you gave them to her to dispose of, and then cancelled all your refills. This says you are dead serious about this. The fact that she knows what nicotine addiction was like when the two of you quit, and was in misery quitting even with the nicotine gum taking the edge off, should give her an idea of what you've gone through. I'm glad you are talking now. I think perhaps one of the reasons she got so upset is that the next question I'd be thinking would be, "What ELSE are you lying about?!?!?" Well, she's speaking to you now and you seem to be not only on the road to being clean, but being forgiven. And that's good. Yes, take advantage of as much help as you can get, and invite her to come to NA/AA meetings, or Al-Anon, etc. Make her a part of all your life, good and bad. No more lies. If you are successful (and I feel you will be), it will make the two of you closer and love each other even more. Husbands and wives want to be close and involved in their loved one's life. Just think of how great life will be when Christmas rolls around! I'm pulling for you both-----
And today starts day 9. Good for you. The fact that my wife stood by me through this finally made me understand that she really does love me no matter what come along. I will spend the rest of my days with her doing everything I can to spoil her and to show her that I love her just as deeply.
We have this saying now that we took from a scene in the movie "Titanic" when she is going to jump over the rail and so youg Leo starts taking off his clothes and she asks what he's doing and he replies " you jump, I jump" and to us that means whatever you do or where ever you go I'm right there with you.
You're doing great Bill, just remember that as addicts, we're never cured. Make it a point to come here everyday even when and if you think you no longer need to. For the rest of our lives it's " I'm not going to use, just for today". Good luck and I am proud of you.
We have this saying now that we took from a scene in the movie "Titanic" when she is going to jump over the rail and so youg Leo starts taking off his clothes and she asks what he's doing and he replies " you jump, I jump" and to us that means whatever you do or where ever you go I'm right there with you.
You're doing great Bill, just remember that as addicts, we're never cured. Make it a point to come here everyday even when and if you think you no longer need to. For the rest of our lives it's " I'm not going to use, just for today". Good luck and I am proud of you.
~Hey friend im sooo glad you and the wife are doing ok and Im so proud of you getting to day 8. Thank you for your support and kind words today,,actually everyone. All of you guys are the ones that carried me today. Im still sober so for today,,just for today I win even though I feel lost.~Bkitty
I am proud of you too! You have shown great courage by telling your wife and by committing to quit. I haven't told anyone yet besides you all here.
8 days clean and feeling.g better. Wife and I getting along great. I'm thinking of going to counseling, not just for the vicodin, but to address older issues that may have caused me to turn to vics. Thanks for all the encouragement.. ill keep you posted
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Right now your actions will speak louder than words. Let her feel what she does. This is very overwhelming for a spouse. I think out patient would be good for both of you. Each one of you need to take care of yourselves and having you both get healthy will be a very positive outcome.
Fantastic job on cancelling those refills!!!!
Fantastic job on cancelling those refills!!!!
Yeah!!!!!!!!!!! Yes do the outpatient,,,it has helped me soooooooo much! and give her whatever she wants (tee he)
Well, it only took 3 days, but she is finally talking to me. We both got quite emotional, but it felt good talking, hugging and crying. I really feel like she has my back! She thinks I should try out-patient rehab.. thoughts?
I am so proud of you for getting rid of the pills and cancelling the refills. That is a huge step.
My wife had a similar reaction too. Of course she gave me the good old what for first, and then left me to my own thoughts for about a day and half with only mild pleasantries.
I took a while to convince her that not everything about our relationship was a lie. She thought we had each others back through thick and thin and was crushed that I didn't come to here from the get go.
She came around and was very supportive. Then I kept relapsing and lying about it for another 7 years. I felt so ashamed when she would say to me "hey your 3 months clean" but the reality was I had started using six weeks prior.
She still doesn't fully understand what addiction does to the mind but we are strong and have been together 23 years.
She'll come around, but understand this, talk is cheap. You're gonna have to walk the walk and show her you are sincere and you'll will have to earn that trust back.
I'm proud of you for quitting. That's huge.
I took a while to convince her that not everything about our relationship was a lie. She thought we had each others back through thick and thin and was crushed that I didn't come to here from the get go.
She came around and was very supportive. Then I kept relapsing and lying about it for another 7 years. I felt so ashamed when she would say to me "hey your 3 months clean" but the reality was I had started using six weeks prior.
She still doesn't fully understand what addiction does to the mind but we are strong and have been together 23 years.
She'll come around, but understand this, talk is cheap. You're gonna have to walk the walk and show her you are sincere and you'll will have to earn that trust back.
I'm proud of you for quitting. That's huge.
A big congrats on taking the steps to get your life back. As everyone has already said your wife needs to to process the bomb you just dropped on her. She will eventually come around and support you. So Keep on Keepin on you are doing great and kudos for flushing the pills and cancelling the refills. God Bless---Rick
Wow...congrats brother. What an accomplishment to cancel refills. Make sure you can show her proof that you cancelled refills...write her a letter explaining your story and why you kept it a secret. Most of the time it's because we're embarrased and don't want our spouse to think we're a junkie or weak...I find this expecially to be true with men. Being that they are the providers and have a tendancy to hide weakness...this isn't weakness...this is strength!
Keep up the good fight, keep posting...you will get through this.
Keep up the good fight, keep posting...you will get through this.
I have two refills of 120, ES vics. I just called the pharmacy and cancelled the fefills. I feel great!
This place is Wonderful!!! I feel a little better. The botom line is, I do know I'm doi ng the right thing. I just wasnt sure if I should have told her when I first went cold turkey. We both quit smoking cigarettes, almsot 2 yers ago now. I went dold turkey, she used the gum. That ws about her 5 th time trying to quit. In fact, she quit once and called me hours later in tears because she needed one so bad. So maybe she'll think about it today and then understand a little more.
Oh what a troubled web we weave... I'm so proud of you. I want to be clean.id take seven hours or any. I need help but don't know where to start. I have been on pills for so long I can't function Anymore. So I want to say wow I'm so proud of you. Telling your wife was a huge step. She hasn't had time to adjust. I'm an addict living with an addict. It's a rotten place to be. My husband says I have the problem not him lol. Well he has one too. Id love to go to rehab and fix myself but can't. It would be so embarssing. Your wife will come around we always do. If she loves you she will understand. People who have never done these evil drugs don't truly understand the seduction of not hurting. But they do want us to be well. Know she will support you even if she says nothing. And she will watch you. But she loves you and wants you back. We all need to remember that on our bad days.
Her initial reaction is going to be anger,,that normal and natural. Give her some time to process like stuck said. She probably is scared too and wondering what else you didnt tell her,,and it may be hard for her to trust you. You are taking the right steps to get your life back,,,now all you gotta do is keep showing her that you are doing just that! Congrats on day 3 as well!!
Give her time to process it. You just told her that the husband she knew was not really the husband she thought she knew and you've been lying to her. I'm sure she's glad you exposed yourself and came clean...but she probably just needs time to process it all. It's alot to swallow.
Congrats on being clean! I'm still struggling to get over my fear and jump off the pills. I'm working on it though.
Keep fighting, I hope you're feeling better...ARE YOU FEELING BETTER? And all you can do is apologize and ask for forgiveness from your wife.
Prayers and best wishes...
Congrats on being clean! I'm still struggling to get over my fear and jump off the pills. I'm working on it though.
Keep fighting, I hope you're feeling better...ARE YOU FEELING BETTER? And all you can do is apologize and ask for forgiveness from your wife.
Prayers and best wishes...
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