mental anguish

[nonights]

Why does this mess with our heads so much? But at least I'm catching it more. I'm just hope I continue.

[brokenspiritandsoul]

I do think that doctors hand these out easily but I don't think the doctors can be blamed for our addiction. It is a choice to take them and a choice to continue to take them. We should research anything that we are putting in our bodies!  In my case, I continued to take the pills after I knew I was addicted to them. I can only blame me for that. I get mad at the pills because that is my way of not taking them again. I do think some doctors overprescribe them but I think a lot of doctors are really trying to help people that are in pain.  

[AShellof_Me]

nonights, spike, cstep! way to go! I'm so happy for you taking truly difficult steps to taking back your life. Not an easy path.
I echo so many of the encouraging comments hear in this string... I just found this community and I'm grateful.
Not hear to preach - just hear to talk about my experience, and this is what I learned from those who went before me on this path. I'm an addict - sobriety date June 27 2010. Addiction is addiction. If we're trying to change the way we think or feel with a substance... well... hmm.
Like others here, I want to highly encourage you all to get into meetings. If the first group you try doesn't fit try another. AA or NA. Meetings are key to learning the tools and skills to get out of your HEAD and stop thinking!  My best thinking got me sick in the first place! I white knuckled sobriety several times on my own... ugh... no dice. We aren't meant to do this alone.  While we're struggling to "will" ourselves sober; our addiction is out side our door doing push ups waiting to kick our a**,  We are self-centered... We are body, mind, and spirit. Our body is addicted, our mind is playing tricks on us, and we have a spiritual malady... We ARE overcomers, but we are overcomers in community with others. We learn by watching what others have done first... what they DID to be successful.  
It's one moment at a time. One day at a time. One meeting at a time.
Forever is too far folks. Don't go there. Do not mess with your head. It's already messed with. :) You have today. Tomorrow isn't here. The people in those rooms saved my life.

[nonights]

I can do angry easy. I hate these pills but why do Dr just keep on passing out Rx for em?  I feel very used by Dr.

[brokenspiritandsoul]

For all of you that are in the beginning part of the journey...this is what worked for me. I am 117 days clean from a 20 a day Norco addiction. I am also a single mother of 2. I had to get mad at the pills. Mad that something that small had control over my life!  I was mad at them for taking away from my kids..nit just money but the emotions that they deserved from me. When my brain tried to trick me or the cravings came on strong, than I cussed at the pills!  Anger can be very motivational!  

[gnarly_1]

HI ..well as you see addiction is a behavior and is not about the pills they are just a outward sigh of a inward problem.. after care is a must for me N/A was the way to go it treats the whole addict mind body and soul it is a spiritual nonreligious program give it a chance and get to a meeting you wont be disappointed.......Gnarly

[ThePhoenix75]

Good for you to delete your sources and ignore those texts?  Did you know you can block certain numbers from receiving calls and texts on your phone?
Keep up the good work...

[Spike2654]

Yup, exactly. I got off of them for a year and I remember a few weeks into feeling great I was like,  hunh,  haven't even looked at the time all day because I'm not planning my day around my next pill. Crazy how controlling these things are.

[Whollymolythathurt]

Hi Spike - that planning you describe is one of the things that got me to quit. I was a good boy though & didn't keep upping the dosage but couldn't go more than two days w/o it.  I guess that puts me in the "Dependence" category.  Doesn't matter...addicted or dependent, i don't like either.

[Spike2654]

that is what I am looking for the most...to be able to just DO things with my kiddos without thinking "do I have enough pills?", can I go to that event, will I have enough pills left? or how about this one..i'll just take half my dose tomorrow so I have more for today...ugh. this $UCKS sooo bad!!

[Whollymolythathurt]

Agree on all fronts.  The mental aspects $uck out loud.  At day 11 think i'm pretty much over the physicals except energy.  I'll be really happy when that comes back.

I know with the snow coming tonight my 3 & 6 yrs olds are gonna want to go to the sledding hill tomorrow in the 0 degree weather.  In the past i'd ride down with them & if i jacked my back, no biggie, just pop a few hydro.  Not tomorrow...i cannot afford to ride down & that angers me but i know its for the best.  I'll be a better daddy in the long run.

[Real180]

Awesome job so far and soon you will be free of the control that the drug had on your life.. As far as the mental stuff... That's the drug trying to trick you via your mind.. I think I was saying this to Spike the other day.. It's just EFFIN with you now..remember it was dug in like a tick and now your pulling it out and it's fighting to stay in so it's just trying to trick you... But you just need to stay strong and remember why you started this in the first place.. Believe me, I know it's hard but you just NEED to be strong! Think about it, once you give in you will be right back here having to go through this again... Remember, you got to the point that spending $400-$500 per week.. This is a drug of progression in the strictest form.. Science supports that no matter what you will need more and more to sustain and $400-$500 per week will turn into $800-$1000 in the blink of an eye.. Then what? Your almost home keep focused and keep posting!! This community will help you through this..

[Spike2654]

wow, I envy your strength immensely. mine come from doc, and the way I'm feeling right now, not sure I could reply the same way if I got a similar text. HATS OFF TO YOU, way to go!!!

[cstep496]

I think I'm doing pretty good ( if I say so myself ) See I never had a script always bought from dealers. I deleted all drug contact's out of my phone but I still get about 3-4 text's a day saying, You good??? Which I reply to saying yes I'm done with those. But after dropping $400.00 - $500.00 a week for the past year and half with these ******* there still chasing  that money.

[desp_needsupport]

I'm with you too--day 1 and it's already so hard--like I've kept saying to myself (think I heard it first here on Medhelp)  "I need to be ok with not being ok for a while"  which is extra hard when you're a single parent of an active 7 year old and no family around :(  Hang in there, keep posting, vent like crazy if you need to!!  

[VICourageous]

Support, Support and More Support..This is a Brain Disease and the Brain can be a powerful thing. I 100% agree with IBK..Sometimes you will even have to UP your Support when life will throw in some curve balls that you are not prepaid for..Like Sarah always says..KEEP YOUR GUARD UP AT ALL TIMES!!! So So So True..Keep stepping forward and never look back! There is A LOT of work to staying clean..This is where the works begins.
Bless

[cstep496]

Should be 13 but I had a slip up on day 4 when I found a 10 in the drawer, after I thought I had got rid  of them all. So I'm on day 9 AGAIN..

[IBKleen]

Actually, that was for all of you struggling.

[IBKleen]

Spike, have you considered some form of aftercare? What can do for you is to teach you coping skills for when this happens. You will also learn life skills and be able to make behavior changes. You will simply learn to live life without the use of drugs. My fear for you is if you continue like this you will use. You need to do something in order to keep going forward. I wish you the best. I am glad you posted.

[Spike2654]

good grief, my mind is CRAZY. how are you two holding up? ctep how many days in are you?

[cstep496]

I'm right there with u and spike as well. Someone yesterday told me to just wait 5 minutes and your mind will think of something else. Funny and TRUE.. Spikes right NORMAL NORMAL NORMAL...

[Spike2654]

wish I could help, but I'm right where you are, my mind is going CRAZY. I keep telling myself not to listen to the voice inside my mind (if that makes sense) and remind myself that this is normal, it is normal, it is normal.