alcohol during benzo taper?

[dcargill]

I'm pretty sure I am sabotaging myself ..  I am doing a slow taper off lorazapam (stepping down .25 every 2 weeks -- from a start of 2 mg at night).      Just started and  I've pretty motivated, even though this is going to take a long time.    BUT for some reason I am really wanting wine.      not a lot but enough to take the edge off.  

then I feel bad in the morning -- not sure if the bad feeling is leftover from the wine or if it's mild w/d from the lorazapam.    

Maybe I should take .5 or .25 mg earlier in the day to stop me from wanting wine?      Maybe I should  just pour the wine down the drain.     I need a sanity check and a kick in the butt.    

[meegWpaw]

yay!  no drinking!   actually it's pretty true, I seem to get weird benzo stuff back after any amount of alcohol .... I guess the bad things about alcohol are many for me.  It just makes me want more and it makes me crave other substances.  It's not good.  Try not to think about the w/d now.  It's good that youre tapering, you have to.  Just take one step at a time.  It will be different than mine; I ct'd off a lot of benzos.  You're not doing that.  So let's hope for the best.  I can't remember about the fatigue, sorry.  You are doing great!  No drinking tonight so you were strong!  keep fighting!

[dcargill]

sometimes it's hard to not drink.     really hard.     like now.    LOL    figured I'd write something here and maybe the urge would pass.      did you feel like you got bad symptoms after only a little alcohol?    say yes!     Even a little is too much for me.

every afternoon around 4 I get so tired.   I think every feeling has something to do with the taper.    I am so afraid that I am going to have terrible w/d ... I just want to get it over with but I know I need to go slow.    ugh.  

thanks for listening.     no drinking for the night; danger is past.

[meegWpaw]

hey sorry it took me so long to reply, yes I am clean ... I don't quite remember how long it took for w/ds ... maybe there was a lag.  Glad you slept thru ... No, ceremonies are not part of it as far as I know lol I just thought it was a cool idea!  :)   great with no alcohol, glad you are doing well!  

[dcargill]

just checking in (I feel like i need to be accountable to someone).     got thru yesterday without alcohol, only took the meds in my taper and I slept thru the night.      
i think i have another 6 days at this level... and then a step down.      slow and steady, like a turtle.    :-)

[dominosarah]

You can and will do it!!

[dcargill]

I was clean before... until probably my 40s.       so I know I can do it.     I was just stupid and took the easy way out with anxiety and problems sleeping -- I got pills from  a shrink.       I never should have started with the pills...but I did and now I'm extricating myself.  

The alcohol was another crutch.     and no more excuses.    I am worth it.     yay!     thanks for your encouragement.