NEED URGENT ADVICE (from married ladies)

[faz84]

Hi everyone,
                   ive been posting for a few weeks now and am struggling after my mums sudden death a few weeks ago and trying to taper my minds in a mess.  My problem at the moment is my husband, has anyone advice to give me im desperate and feel so down.  I have been married 7 years together 10.  The day my mum died he drove me to my home town (we moved 70 miles away) to see my family.  I thought he would take the next day or so off as i was distraught but he diddnt even offer, when i confronted him he said "but you would have told me to go in", I also begn having major panic attacks to the point i would go blue he knew this and again never asked did i need him to take a bit of time off (all my friends and family are 70 miles away, i felt so alone but diddnt want to seem needy.  Anyway i told him about my drug problem and he began by being very supportive, he took my stash and gave me 20 tabs instead of my usual 37.  The next morning i asked could i have another 3 tabs, me being weak i know as i thought the drop was massive, he told me to do whatever i wanted and said he wasnt helping me , he then left all the pills on the side and agsain said "do what you want, your not a baby have some self control",, ive been feeling so alone as im off work and maybe bored as he works 6-7 days a week and 12 hours a day, i appreciate his efforts and understand how hard he works, however i still pay the bills and when i work i do at least 90-100 hours a week so i know how he feels. The point is i really dont think he has a clue how im feeling and dont think he cares, is his behaviour reasonable and acceptable? or am i asking to much of him? As soon as i see my family i have no panic attacks and feel at ease , i get alot of love and understanding all round.  Im leaving my husband but just needed to know if IM ASKING TO MUCH OF HIM, we dont even get 1 day a week to spend together maybe a couple of hours a week and i so needed the support he seems incapable of giving at the moment.  ANY THOUGHTS???????????????it would be much appreciated
JEM XXXXXXXXXXXX

[Ella789]

What a lovely thing to say!! Thank you so much, and God bless.
Take care and I will be thinking about you too.

Ella

[faz84]

Hi ella,
             thanks for your reply it means alot.  Ive made arrangements to go home with my dad and little brother on tuesday, my best friends have all arranged (within the last few minutes) loads for us to do , im also gunna go and visit my mum at the cemetary, i miss her so much. ive never had the balls to leave but i feel very lonely here and really honestly dont think my husband cares for me or even begins to understand how im feeling.  I think a break may help me make up my mind (hopefully), when i told him i was going he diddnt care he said it may be for the best, i feel so stupid that ive obviously been hanging on to someone who blatantly dosent care.  
Im so sorry to hear about your dad, i understand how difficult it must be for you and genuinley hope you are doing ok, and your mum, i think its the hardest thing in the world to go through loosing someone close, im glad your man seems to be supportive although sounds like a typical man LOL, i wish i had that too, but you seem a lovley person and deserve it.
Take care babe , and thanks again for the reply
JEM XXXXXXXXXXX

[Ella789]

Yes, men to tend to handle things differently.  Just like going to walmart, they go get what they want and then leave, whereas we ladies tend to shop and look around to see what's new.  Maybe some time apart will do you both good and give him some time to think about everything.  I tend to be needy sometimes and then at others I just take care of myself and say only if I want information.   We are just different. I can't change his mind, he has to do it hisself and sometimes he does try to understand me.  Hugs to you  on the death of your mom,  I lost my dad one year ago and I miss him so much.  Mom's lonely and I live 4 hrs away, so I know.

Ella

[beatingthis]

Men handle things much different then women. It is hard for them to show emotions.
Men like to fix things. If there is a problem they want to fix it and feel bad when they can't.

They also can't read minds. I would have told my husband that we were staying and he couldn't I would. You need to open a better line commucation.

First I would need to chill a bit then we would talk.
I am married to Brit and they don't show emotions at all.lol
I have been married for 7 years as well but I was 45 when we did get married.
Hope this helps.

Terry

[chanandalerbong1]

i dont know exaxctly what is going on, but if my husband treated me like that i would leave him without hesitation. luckily mason is amazing and completely understanding. i know how scary panic attacks can be. i was so bad that i literally never left the house unless it was to go to the doctors. hang in there. i think taking a break from one another would be a good thing. go spend time with your family and do what is best for you to get better.... make sure you have the right people around you to have a successful recovery. good luck.

*Kristen*

[broknbck]

oppps- sorrry
i am not a married lady- hah!

[broknbck]

well when i am unsure of something i am doing, i trust my emotions to be my guidance system.
if it is making me feel good, happy, at ease - then i am doing the right thing.
if it is making me feel bad, sad, uneasy, fearful- i am doing the wrong thing.

we cannot expect or demand of others around us for our happiness. it is completely up to us to take care of that.
sounds like he may have some things of his own going on too. tired and just doesn't care anymore. too much on his plate.
maybe a break from each other would do wonders.