Rough Day Yesterday

[mamaof4410]

Yesterday was really tough. I had a ton of energy but the cravings really kicked me. A lady I talk to on an addiction line named Heather told me that its the toxins from the drug seeping into my blood stream. I was like ok. lol
It just kinda got me down...Ive been doing really good. But I know I do not want to go back...Its just my brain playing games with me. Its tough and Im a work in progress everyday...I cant wait for the weekend...Were ordering the UFC fight and gonna do some yard work. So I will be a busy bee again!! Thank you for all your support!
2 MONTHS 4 DAYS!!!...and coounting:)

[ImDONENoMore]

Yup, the "whatifs" will take you down every time.  You can't think about what might or might not happen.  Focus on the here and now.  It's all we've got, right?  And every day, you're building strength for the next day whether you realize it or not.

And you'll get through tomorrow, you just will.  It really can be that simple.

[vicki595]

Whatifwhatifwhatifwhatif!!

What if the toxins don't stop seeping in to your blood stream??   LOL

Don't worry about all of what you're worrying about! It may never happen! Right now you're doing so well although you may not feel it...but you ARE!

Two plus months means you're getting over a huge hurdle. Now it's time to rebuild yourself, make new memories, and live in this moment! It really works!

[Pat1956100]

Just think about today.  I will not use today.  That is all you can control right now.  Don't worry about the future.  Wake up every day and say I will not use today.
It works.
Hang in there and yes people you give advice to disappear but often what you say remains in their head and they come back or someone else reads your posts and it helps them.  
Keep on posting girl.  We need ya.

[Sonrissa]

Hi mama! You are doing amazing! Isn't it wonderful to be able to get through those days of cravings? Then, to look forward to activities that before, at least for me, would have been impossible without pills! That, is simply the best! Keep moving forward, you give such wonderful support here! Thank you for that! All the best!

[mamaof4410]

Im going to put on Troy right now lol. My son loves it and I like the history lesson. Youre right. I cant continue the what if's cuz its going to drive me crazy. But I cant help it sometimes. Im scared to end up the way I was again. I know its all inj my hands but that doesnt make the fear go away.

[Leaveurfearsbehind]

I think about that a lot to. Lots of what if's out there but really all we have control of is this moment. I try to live in the moment if that makes any sense. We can sit and worry about what might happen or choose to make the most of today. I know that's easier said than done but that's just how I'm trying to do it. Definateley not easy and I'm not always good at it but that seems to be the only way I can deal with it. if you get a chance watch the peaceful warrior movie and read some of Dan millmans books. It has really helped me to see the big picture a little better.

[mamaof4410]

Exactly...Sometimes I wonder about my "real" feelings though. Im like wow where did that come from lol. But its definitly better clear headed. I just get scared because my mom (who is still an addict at 45yrs old) told me I would feel like this. I would be clean so I would feel like a new person. And Im just scared sometimes everyone wants to get clean and stay clean so why do so many people relapse? And am I going to be one of them? with the way I feel right now I will never go back but what if that changes one day and I do use again and it starts all over? That is really how I feel right now and those are my real feelings. And it just scares me sometimes...Hope you understand:)

[Leaveurfearsbehind]

Lol. Ya I'm definitely not a fan. Its just weird how things mean so much more when your clean. I guess were feeling real feelings instead of fake ones. Your right, it's not a death sentence and things are definateley better without it. Anyhow just wanted to say thanks again!

[mamaof4410]

It is so true. Little things we didnt notice being addicts now make sense since we are sober. I watch a movie now with my kids and I dont have the itch to get up and do something lol. We see things differently becuase we all forgot how great things are sober...We think a life of sobriety is hell and boring. I watch that show Addicted, and the interventionist Kristina Wadzilak said something that has stuck with me throughout this entire process..."A life of sobriety is not a sentence to a life of misery but a door open to a life of unimaginable things" I thought about that all those times I really wanted to throw in the towel. If Miley Cyrus pulls you through then hey she has a purpose lol (Im not to fond of her either, Thank goodness my daughter was only like 2 when she was really popular with kids lol)

[Leaveurfearsbehind]

It's so weird how I see things so different now. Last night my girls were watching the Hannah Montana movie. I had seen it a dozen times but when she sung that song the climb, it really gave me a slap in the face. I'm not a big fan of hers but that song is so true. Never thought I would cry watching a kids movie but I did. Lol.

[Leaveurfearsbehind]

Well you really did! Sometimes we think doing something so small like posting a encouraging comment doesn't mean much. It may seem small to us but to someone else it may be huge!  We never know how something so small may be such a encouragement to someone else. Just keep going! Lifes a climb!

[mamaof4410]

I hope you have a great day to!
I now know it is working and I it feels great to have helped you get through some of your tough days.That is more rewarding than anything else.

[Leaveurfearsbehind]

Your welcome, I really meant what I said. Were all role models whether we want to be or not. I'm sure I'm not the only one that you have helped. Please keep posting and cheering us on. I woke up today and was having one of those days but reading your post made me want to fight even harder! Thanks again! Hope you have a great day.

[mamaof4410]

That made me smile...Seriously. That means alot to me that my advice has helped you. I wonder sometimes while posting if Im wasting my time because some people are just not at their rock bottom to want to get clean, I was at that point many times. And I post anyway. Cuz if I can help that one person than thats great. Thank you all again!

[Leaveurfearsbehind]

Well I know of one person that you have really helped, me!  Thanks for all your encouragement it really has meant a lot to me. I can relate to what your saying to, your going along doing good then out of no where it hits you. It's happened to me to but I just try to focus on one day at a time. Hang in there, you're a inspiration to a lot of people and we need you for a great example that it can be done. Wishing nothing but the best for you'

[mamaof4410]

Thank you all so much for your encouragement. Everyday is a step in the right direction. I hope I can help just one person get through another day. It makes me feel like ONE positive thing came out of my addiction. I am not proud of who I was...But I wouldnt be who I am today without that learning lesson.
I keep listening to Pink's song "So What" It kinda makes me feel like I "broke up" with heroin lol.

[normalife37]

Angie, 2 months! thats is awesome,you must feel great and proud about yourself.  I feel great and its only 7 days. I  think we shall always have these cravings. My Lady Doctor told me this yesterday  ``Its not about quitting forever, its about quiting for the next 5 minutes, then getting past the next 5 mins and then the next` tiny steps.
- Angie

[Teresa1717]

Our Brains are tricky tricky things arent they??? I wouldnt worry about it to much because you seem to have this all together! Your doing great and I think one of the biggest things is knowing that you WILL have moments of weakness and will think about these little devil things but if you know what to expect, you wont be blindsided! Getting blindsided I think is what makes us fall. Your doing FANTASTIC! Keep up the good work and congrats on 2 months !!

[Pat1956100]

You are doing great.  It s ucks that you are having cravings after so much clean time.  I am detoxing AGAIN for the final time.  I saw your advice about the magnesium on another thread and I am taking magnesium so I hope it helps.
You give great advice here and I just wanted to offer my support and encouragement.
Stay Strong.
Pat