detox and mood swing

[albiewan]

I am into my second week of a doctor controlled tapering off hydrocodone.  I am experiencing a range of moods from "OK" to downright fear and others somewhere in between.  The worst is the fear.  I try to stay busy and that helps some.  I have no secrets from those close to me, they know I'm battling an addiction.  I think my own worst enemy is me.  It's like my brain has a brain of its own.  Am I afraid of a life clean of pills?  Or is it the fear of that last pill and what comes after?  The guilt from all the time, money and energy wasted on these damn pills?  All of that?  Fear is a killer.  It's my biggest hurdle besides the physical addiction.  

[Jimmy1975]

My friend all of what everyone said above is true ! When you stop opiates anxiety and depression is all part of withdrawals and trust I know it's not fun at all . The boredom will fade as your brain heals . I know it's tough as we all have been threw it . The joy of life revolved all around those pills . For me too ! But with time you will walk out on that beautiful day and you will enjoy that day like you once did before the addiction . The anxiety and fear will fade away as your brain heals and that takes time , not a lifetime but time . Hang in there your life is right around the corner !  Peace Jimmy

[albiewan]

Sitting in the park right now.  So down today.  It's a beautiful day, sun shining, nice breeze and I'm in the dumps.  Don't feel the 5 mg pills but don't feel too terribly bad physically.  Just doing mundane stuff...wash the Jeep, errands and pretending it's just another day.  I read everyone's replies and it does feel like you're out there somewhere knowing...

[ImDONENoMore]

I think you're doing great too.  Ending a relationship is hard, I know.  But I'm with everyone else, focusing on getting well has to be job one right now.  They'll be time later to work on other things, just keep it slow for now and keep going.  When you're stronger, and things are completely clear to you, only then can you figure out what you want for your life.  For now, just focus on SAVING that life and the rest will come to you in good time you'll see.  :)

[Happie1]

Hang in there! I know the realty of not haveing the pills and what is life about without them is the scariest thing I have ever been thu! Im 8 days clean (CT) and I get terrified to leave the house. Every day a little better then the day before. You have to change the way you think and that will help alot!

[vicki595]

It's always scary when it finally hits us that we have to accept life on life's terms and do it without the pills. It creates a lot of anxiety in us. I know this was huge for me but when I finally accepted that clean was the new me, it was a lot easier!  Really,acceptance (along with forgivness) is everything in life.

Now that I've been away from pills for over a year,it's startling to me the things and people we all sacrifice for our addiction.  I'm guessing this is the case with your GF. She probably refused to stop the pills even with the threat and fact of you leaving...That's very sad to me.

We spend a lot of time thinking and dwelling on everything when we first get clean and that's what you're doing now.  It's common but it's exhausting!!  I finally had to set aside time just for worrying about things so I could move forward. Otherwise I would have been worried all day and night!!

I think you're doing great!