dont know anymore

[chubbers]

i just dont know what to do anymore, i have been addicted to oxys or a little over a year now i cut my dosage down my 100mgs! but i cant take the depression and feeling like i will never be happy without the pills or have fun again and the anxiety is horrible. my doctor has been no help he won t help me at all and my husband is weaning down slowly from the oxys he is on a very much higher dose than i was.  so anyways i started upping my dose again this week and im so pissed off and depressed now i just dont think i can go on sometimes. i feel like iot would just be so much easier to end it now im not nice to anyone that lveos me anymore bc im always irritable so maybe it would be better if i left. i dont know i dont have the guts to do it so im stuck here

[toxictome]

sorry about my post ...2/3 of it disappeared....so now it doesn't make sense...SORRY

[marcatj]

hey buddy, since you posted this at the end of someone else's thread, you are likely going to get "lost in the shuffle"

please post this again, on it's own thread "above, where it says "Post A Question."

you will get alot more feedback that way.  

there are alot of people here who would love to support you...

good luck,
mj

[Zakk169]

Hello, my name is Zakk. I am a prescribed pain pill addict. I am on 40 mg oxcodone 3 times a day and it has consumed my life. I am so depressed about it I don't know what to do...So I decided to research and see if anybody else is in the same boat.

I would love to swap "war" stories with someone, anyone about thier bout with oxys..

Anyone wanna chime in and help this "white devil" user???
Z.

[toxictome]

CAN YOU TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND AND COME TO SOME KIND OF AN AGREEEMENT?
IS HE SUPPORTIVE OF YOU WANTING TO QUIT?

As you know..NOTHING CHANGES>>get ready ...we're here for you!

[flmagi]

I really hate to say this... but your husband is a problem then. His use is going to kill you. Is he ok with that? Is he ready to stop or not even close? You can do it together or maybe you need to get away from him for a while. I know this sounds awful but we're talking about your life...and his, but we're talking about yours right now. You need to do something and it may require you leaving him for awhile.

[chubbers]

MY GUT TELL ME THAT I NEED TO STOP TAKING THESES STUPID PILLS, BEFORE I TOOK PILLS I WASNT ADDICTED TO ANYTHING NOT EVEN CIGS I WAS NATURALL HAPPY AND EASY GOING WITHOUT ANY SUBSTANCES. I HAVE BEEN TAKING PILLS FOR 2 YEARS BUT IT SEEMS LIKE AN ETERNITY AND I FORGOT WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO BE NORMAL. I KNOW I WAS OK BEFORE AND I DIDNT START TAKING PILLS TO MAKS ANY PAIN OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. I DONT LIVE WITH ANY CONSTANT PAIN LIKE A LOT OF YOU POOR PEOPLE ON HERE DO, I AM PERFECTLY HEALTHY I DONT EVEN HAVE A CAVITY FOR GODS SAKE SO I DONT NEED PILLS BUT MY MIND THINKS I DO. I WANT TO BE NORMAL AGAIN AND NOT RELY ON ANY PILLS I JUST CANT SEEM TO DO IT WITH MY HUSBAND TAKING THEM ALL THE TIME IN FRONT OF ME

[Jacqui805]

This is such a touchy subject, and I respectfully know that everyone has their own opinion on this one.  A couple of thoughts though:  

Some people need more help with this than others (we all start off with different coping skills, meds, etc.)

If you really think you can't do it without help, don't shoot yourself in the foot before you even start and leave the help behind.

Cold turkey for some people, and with some meds., and some doses can cause problems like seizures.  Not everyone in every situation mind you.

However, if you're not totally comitted to getting off, the slow taper may not really happen.  You may just justify an extra pill here or there, or prolong your agony as one suggested earlier.  

I think motive is key here, as well as who you were before, the drug and dose, and why you were on it in the first place.

I believe that we all deep down really know the answers to most of our own questions, and we're either looking for justification(either of our positive or negative thought), acknowledgment, strength, support, or someone to just listen.  Be honest with yourself in your own head if that makes sense, what does your gut (not your current state of mind) tell you is right?  - Jacqui

[chubbers]

yeah i know i have to do this to make myself happy no one else can do it for me. i just cant seem to make myself do the cold turkey. i have thought about it a lot saying oh comeo n i can do just suck it up and get through it there are people that are suffereing with cancer and horrible diseases and they would probably wish they could switch positions with me for one day. so i know i am capable but mentally i dont know if i am strong enough bc i know my husband has pills and will give them to me as soon as i start feeling bad he wont be abke to say no to me, so i dont know if i shoul d leave for a while or what

[troubleinohio]

I know youve been posting here off and on for quite a long time and youre still in the same spot (not hacking on you, just stating the facts). If I were you, Id just bite the bullet and go CT finally. It seems liek you are drawing out the agony, prolonging the WD's and suffering. It wasnt until I went CT that I finally made it this far. I just could not taper at all. If i had access to pills, I gobbled them up as fast as I could no matter how hard i tried not to. But here I am on DAy 50 now and also going through alot of **** with the husband but havent gone back to using.  If I was able to quit the pills, anyone can! I was bad off, trust me.
I hope you find the strength to go CT and start your new sober life. You will be so happy and amazed how much better you feel once you get past the worst part of WD!

[liscamdave]

That is exactly what it is, an endless cycle that only YOU can break. It took me a long time to realize that. I blamed everyone and their mother for my abuse and my depression. I just really and truly woudn't wish this on anyone. It is one of the worst things that can happen to a person. But yes, I was able to take that many. However, not all at once. Like 5-6 in the am, then 3-4 like around noon, then 3 or 4 around 3pm then 2 or 3 around 6 and then some at 9pm. THis was every day for a while. It was crazy. We were really bad and the w.d was a nightmare. I coulnd't get out from under the covers because I would freeze and be dripping with sweat. It was a nightmare and the first time I detoxed, it took almost 3 months to even feel a little normal. Please just be careful. And just know that no one is doing this to you, not the pills. YOu need to fight against them. They are strong little things. And will continue to ruin your life. Be careful...We are here for you..

[Jacqui805]

You're not being a baby.  Who the hell wants to go through sh** on purpose?  Your mind/body is having a normal reaction, not to mention the drug messing with you.  I can tell you, as I'm sure lots of folks can, that the meds after a while actually make your pain worse.  It makes you more sensitive to any pain, and causes more pain, for more meds.

Don't beat yourself up over this.  It's exhausting mentally and physically.  You can do it though.  Keep up the posting and coming here just to read.  

Hang in there.

Jacqui

[chubbers]

wow i cant believe u were taking 15-20 80s a day i cant handle taking more than 4 of those a day  right now im taking an 80 and a half on average so i cant imagine trying to come off of 20!  thanks for everyone responses i know i can do this i just need to stop being a baby and deal with the withdrawal and the lack of energy and the no sleeping and depression and anxiety just somestime it is so draning and it wears me down so i give in and take a pill thinking who cares? i feel so crappy right now i dont even care im just going to take a pill but then afterwards i feel horrible. ughh its an endless cycle

[Jacqui805]

I was on a pretty high dose of a really powerful drug.  It's as close to heroin as is possible for a medicinal drug.  I had a ***** of a time coming off, but I did.  I felt very much like you did.  I contemplated all sorts of stuff at times during the w/d but I also knew I really didn't wanna die.  I just felt like I was and I wanted relief and didn't feel like I was gonna be able to get through it.  I tapered one dose at a time for one month at each dose for a total of four months.  What in particular is the doc's issue with not helping?  Or are you afraid to talk to him/her about it?  Sometimes, a little pharmacological intervention is necessary.  This is a touchy subject and every has a different view on this, but it's also true that certain drugs/doses are a bit rougher than others and have totally different mechanisms of action in the first place.  Just know that you can do this, I swear it to you.  I'm just on the other side now, and it's so worth it!  I came here every chance I could for support and strength, as well as distraction oddly enough, and I couldn't have done it without everyone here.  If at all possible, taper much more slowly, and if you need to, get another doc.

Hang in there buddy,  - Jacqui

[Flutterby111]

WEll, you've done well by reaching out for help here....so many people are here to help you....Please don't give up hope!  The drugs are messing with your head...don't let them win.  Life is too precious.  YOUR life is too precious....I took a big step and went to my doctors and I'm taking another one today meeting a psychiatrist to sort this mental mess out...You can do this honey...

[dove3053]

Hang in there. This too shall pass.

Dove

[liscamdave]

Listen, you need to talk to us, This forum saved me in so many ways. I used to be addicted to Oxy's as well. At the height of my addiction, I was eating about 15-20 80's a day. Both myself and my husband could take that many on a daily basis. My dr. told me I should have been dead. However, my husband didn't get the chance to speak to a dr. as the oxy's took his life. They are a monster of a drug. YOu need help as it sounds you are severely depressed. I used to think that as well, that is would just be easier to not be here then to keep going through this ****. But I realized, that before the pills I was naturally happy. I didn't need anything to make me happy or love life. I was just generally happy. It wasn't until I became a slave to the pills that I started to see life in a different way. I thought that I would never be able to stop because I felt as thought nothing would make me happy unless I had some pills. It was a nightmare. Going through w.d once a week because I couldn't get pills or because I didn't have the money. Being absolutely miserable ALL THE TIME. I was so depressed. I became a completely different person. It was a nightmare. I spent all my money and am still struggling to this day to make ends meet. They ruined my life. And I thank god I have stopped and pray I never go back. Look, if I did it, anyone can do it. Trust me. You need the right tools and motivation to quit. Because you will never be able to quit unless you truly want to. If you don't, you will always go back. The reason you feel you can't be happy without pills is because the pills have changed your thought process. If you have been a long time addict the pills completely change everthing about the way you process and look at everything. You need to be clean a significant amount of time and let those receptors that have been damaged, heal. ANd when they do, you will start to naturally produce endorphines and once again be happy, without the help of anything. Its a hard long road, but we put ourselves here. And it is up to YOU and only YOU to find your way back. That is the best way I can put it. But we are here if you need us.

Lisa

[mimi1313]

Why don't you try tapering again? Maybe a little slower. It may prolong the wd's a little but you can do this. I was depressed and tired and cranky my first 10 days but it does get better. And don't feel bad if you relapse. Try again. This is not easy to fight.
Good luck!

[chubbers]

no i dont really want to sie i just feel like that soemtimes, i do have insurance but inpatient program i cannot do righ tnow, i just started a new job and i dont want to take time off already. i have been tapering very sllowly and was doing good up until now. i dont know what i have to do to get off these, i want to and then i dont i guess i have to really want to. i know i have to get off these  but sometimes i feel like im happier on them, i know thats just the addiction talking but i cant seem to get over that

[toxictome]

Glad to see you posting....Do you have insurance? Would an inpatient program be something you could do? You dont' want to leave/end it....as someone said in an earlier post...that is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Dig deep and find the strength!!! We're here for you!!

[gizzy32]

i know you probably don't realise it, but you are ill right now. these pills have taken you over and what is causing most of your depression i believe. i remember thinking the same as you exactly, i won't be happy without drugs or be able to have fun, but that is addiction talking to you. i swear to you that you will be full of joy being off these damn things, but you have to work at it and stop first. what do you think you need to do to stop?