drug problem, suboxone addict

[Brady18_7]

im 18 now, and have had problems with suboxone since i was 15. i did them because they made me feel good, and the withdrawals are just awful. ive relapsed about 10 times in the last three years, give or take a couple times, and i know thats not healthy. my body was still developing when i had this substance constantly in it, and my body was still developing every time ive gone through these. now i know why my mom always said not to do drugs, and have for quite awhile now but this time IM DONE. i absolutely CANNOT keep doing this to myself. before when i quit, it was for reasons i didnt really have control of, either i couldnt get ahold of it or didnt have the money, now i want to quit for me, to better myself as a person. i understand how terrible these things are, i dont want to ever go through this again. rehab is not an option because i dont have the money for it, nor do i have interest in telling my family because theyre actually pretty judgmental when it comes to stuff like this. im on day 3 now, which is the worst day every single time, day 3 and 4 usually are. i will post the days ive been through below, and continue to until im better.

Day 1: kind of a sucky day 1, normally on day 1 all you feel is the temptation to do it. this day 1 went by very slow, i felt slightly depressed, and had slight RLS. i slept for about 3-4 hours before waking up for about an hour, then dozed off again for another few hours, twisting and turning the entire night. day 1 is usually not that bad, just a waiting game, and ive always been able to sleep normally through the night of day 1.

Day 2: normally from past experience, day 2 is when you start losing your energy, and it was this time too. time again went by very slowly, felt slightly depressed and had rls. sleeping on the night of day 2 was NOT fun at all, fell asleep a little over an hour after attempting to, and slept for 2 hours. after i woke up, i was up for about 3 hours before falling asleep for another 2. didnt sleep well at all, i can tell it wasnt a deep sleep and didnt sleep much at all. i have gone through this before and it gets harder and harder every time.

Day 3: i just started day 3 about 2-3 hours ago, most of it so far laying in my bed trying to fall back asleep but no luck, so i decided to get up. i actually feel fine as of right now, which is really weird. im exhausted but dont feel depressed yet, and day 3 is the day that it kicks in worst every time. hopefully my mind stays in the right place, will post  continued day 3 paragraph.

i just want to be clean so bad, im so tired of having to depend on this drug just to feel normal, im sick of it. im sick of having to waste money on it, im sick of having to know im gonna have to go through withdrawals again at some point (which is why im doing it now, so i dont have to later on), and im sick of not even feeling good anymore when i do it, so whats the point? i lost my job about a month ago too so this is literally the perfect time to do it. i just want to be happy without drugs, itll take awhile, and itll suck, but i will do it. i have to. im just craving the day where i feel good, and have a good day without it, i cant wait! i want that so bad right now, id do anything to not have to go through this. NO ONE deserves to go through this, i dont care if they knew theyd go through withdrawals or not, no one deserves it. i went 3 days the previous two times i tried to quit, and caved in on day 4 both times, i will NOT do that again i swear to god. i quit every other time ive tried, just not the last two, but i had a job then and dont now. addiction is a nasty, terrible, terrible, gnarly thing, everyone thats gone through this knows there is nothing that compares to it, NOTHING. i really need some insight from someone thats had this problem before. it would be great if i could get an answer for each of these questions individually: what can i do to help me sleep? sleep is incredibly important to me, please help with some info. what will help the rls (no benzos)? what will help make the days go by faster if anything? how can i keep my mind busy so im not depressed? those are the main four im worried about. thank you so much if you took the time to read and reply to this, i really appreciate it.

[loveandlight05]

How much were you taking before you went cold turkey? I do not personally know about sub detox. I am currently using it because I am only a month clean, and I have tried every other way, but none of them worked. So I am trying sub short term while I get situated in aftercare. Then, I will taper down.

It has been my understanding that it is better to taper with subs. Is this not a possibility for you? Like I said, I do not have personal experience with detox from subs yet, so I could be wrong about tapering.

Either way, I think it is pretty great that your are getting clean. I teach high school students, and I know that drugs are everywhere for them right now. There is so much pressure for young adults and teens to use. But all that matters is that you are getting clean and realize that you don't want to use anymore. That is awesome! That is really big!

Just remember that you can do this. You can and you will do this. By quitting now, you save yourself years of agony and your life being a mess because of subs. You have so much ahead of you, and by doing this, you are creating the best future possible for yourself. Go you! keep us updated as to how this is going. I wish you the very best. You can do it!!!

[Brady18_7]

i was at about 1 mg when i quit

[newoutlook12]

A lot of people on here believe the Thomas recipe is great for withdrawal,  if you use the search  icon you can find out what all it is. There is also something called withdrawal ease it has helped some. I hope you get your lifeback ffrom this horrible thing called addiction while you are still so young.  Trust me coming from a 30 year old woman who has wasted more than half of my life being addicted to one thing or another. If you believe in God pray it has helped me so much and through my recovery I really truly found god. He is there for u always and he loves you no matter what u have done in the passed. Please get outta of this now while you are still so young,  your addiction will just get worse as you get older. I've been there I know, I did pills when I was younger and never thought it would get as out of control as it did. I went from pills to herion at the age of 24 and I was one of them people who said I would never do such a thing.  But I did and my life completely spiraled out of control very fast. I lost everything even myself, my soul and my self respect. I felt so bad about myself for being addicted to herion it made it so much harder to quit.  Honey please you are so young hang in there and get this sh$t done now before it gets any worse. If you need anything just pm me I'm on here off and on all day. I would love to help you through this and there are so many wonderful people on here that want to do the same.  Good luck to you, you'll definitely be in my prayers!

[Brady18_7]

thanks for your reply, i really appreciate it. how did you get through sleep? what can i do to sleep better tonight than i did last night? its unlikely because day 3 is worse than day 2 and im on day 3 but i seriously need sleep

[newoutlook12]

Melatonin helped me a lot that and taking a very hot bath right before bed. If you can go out and get some Epson salt for your bath it helps pull the toxins out of your body and will get it out of your system faster.

[motye51]

I saw your post and I thought I would give you some info on what helped me to w/d off of the subs!  I was on a very high dose for a very long time and Jan 1st, decided enough was enough!  I only tapered for about 1 1/2 weeks which was NOT a really smart move, but I did what I did!  And I stuck to it.....and your right...IT ***** ***!!!!  Not going to lie, I had no idea how bad and how long it would be, but if every day you put in your mind that you want this...really want it, I know you can push yourself through this!  But you truly have to be bad ***!  
1. Start taking a good multivitamin every day!
2. L-Tyrosine (available at GNC)
3. High dose of Vit C
4. For sleep some people do the Sleepy Time tea....for me, I found NOTHING worked and I just had to bite the bullet and go through it!  We don't die from lack of sleep, I promise (though we feel like we are!) lol
5. I bought some really tight diabetic socks from the pharmacy to help with the RLS, there's also Hylands RLS (totally homeopathic)
6. Immodium A.D.   Believe it or not, once I started taking this, I actually did feel a little better but I was living on the toilet!
7.  Someone also told me about Bee Pollen which I bought, not sure what it did though???
8. Motrin (200mg) I took 3/4 at a time.  This did help
9. Music!!!!  I put my earbuds in and played anthem type music....music to help me stay motivated.  If your 18...stay away from any type of music that will make you get in your head!  You know what I'm saying!  Comedys, Stand Ups, things that make you laugh...Bo Burnam, etc...
10. Time.....you really need to give it time.  It doesn't come overnight...and as soon as you are able to walk and talk, get your *** into some type of aftercare!  The only way to stay clean is to do an aftercare program. N/A, A/A , Smart Recovery, these programs are FREE!  Take advantage of them!  If not for N/A, I would NOT be able to say that for the first time since age 12, I've been almost 10 months clean!  YOU MUST MAKE A PLAN for AFTERCARE!!!!!
Good luck to you and keep posting as much as you can...we will be here to talk you through it! When you feel like **** ....POST!

[Brady18_7]

Day 3 contiued: through this day, i really havent felt that awfully bad, its really strange. i hope i dont jinx it, and i hope its not just prolonged. i feel like i have the past couple days, just more tired because i only slept four hours in two different sessions. sleeping is a challenge, its hard. feeling a little depressed, some rls, and just tired. i am into mma and i bought three seasons of the show 'the ultimate fighter', which is a 12-13 episode show, i bought them specifically for this so i can attempt to distract my mind throughout the incredibly slow and painful days. i dont feel terrible, but i dont feel good by any means. i dont feel as if the wd kicked in fully, i really hope they have, but i dont know. like i said, i dont feel terrible, but not good, i just dont feel normal, and i know i wont for awhile. the worst thing i think is, i know after day 5 i should start to feel slightly better each day, but being day 3, i dont only have to go through two more days, but also two more nights, and theyre just as bad. during the day, you just want to get the day over with and get through it, gotta deal with depression, fatigue, rls, and just trying to find a way to not be completely mindfu**ed by my emotions, im not an emotional person at all but when i go through this i just want to fall in a hole and cry; but during the night i just lay there trying to sleep in such hell. there is nothing ive ever gone through thats as bad as drug withdrawal, ever. but really though, how important and effective are multivitamins? im about to go to the store now and get some, but would like to know what to expect.

[Brady18_7]

i think maybe the reason i dont feel that awfully depressed, atleast yet, is because im trying to stay as positive as i possibly can. i know theres a light at the end of the tunnel, i know i can be happy again, i know ill be myself again, i know i wont feel like this when its over, i know i can do this, ive done it and got through it many times before unfortunately. i dont think ive ever craved happiness so much in my life, its an important thing to be content. honestly, im just tired of being high all the time, seriously. with suboxone, all you gotta do is a little line the length/size of half a credit card and youre feeling great all day, even a little the next day when you first start. it was 20$ a pill or strip and itd last a week, it was a lot cheaper than painkillers. you do three vicodin 10's, youll feel good for like four hours for 20$, with sub youre good for the rest of the week for 20$. it got to where id feel ****** even when i did it because i had the thought in my head that i know im gonna have to withdrawal at some point later on in life, i cant do these for the rest of my life. ive told myself so many times im not going back and did. the reason i went back to it after quitting last time was because i have a thyroid problem, which makes me incredibly fatigued at times, and figured as long as i feel like crap from this medical problem, i might as well feel good while i go through it, bad idea. its not like i started to get sick or anything while i did it, but i just dont need to be high all the time, and i dont want to be.

[motye51]

Soooo.....how do u feel this morning? Any better or worse?

[Brady18_7]

day 3 continued: it was tolerable, but again barely any sleep. i remember waking up once, which was an hour or two after i fell asleep, but i know i mustve slept more.

right now i dont know how to feel, i just got up. i dont feel good at all but dont know if i feel awful or not yet

[Brady18_7]

day 4: i woke up feeling ok, and the first 3-4 hours of the day were alright, but its gotten to where its just taking forever for this day to be over with. i feel like straight up crap, theres nothing to do, and i dont want to do anything because i just feel helpless. i have no idea when this will be over because ive gone through it so many times, and a lot of people online say theyre on week two or three and still feel really crappy, im scared. hopefully the light shows soon

[motye51]

Yeah, its totally the suboxone so keep that in mind. Its ******* with u! U have to push yourself every minute if u have to to fight through the malaise. If u stay hydrated the stomach thing shouldnt be too bad...but i had no appetite for food or drink...no appetite for anything. Do u have epsom salts?? It did seem like the hours dragged on forever making this process that much worse so i took numerous epsom salt baths which seemed to help with muscle aches and ay least gave me something to do...might want to consider it.
I find most of us that took opiates, then suboxone were almost always "going"...to school, work, shopping, just always going, going...so to not go *****!

[Brady18_7]

yes i have epsom salts and took my first bath last night, it helped my rls but didnt really help me fall or stay asleep. do you have ANYTHING else that may help?

[Joey2113]

Have you tried anything OTC, like Tylenol PM's or even some benedryl? I'm currently going through methadone wd, it's very similar to subs bc of the long half life. I've been taking Ty PM's and they do help me fall asleep. I've also been taking melatonin which I feel like helps me stay asleep a little better. Although nothing you do is gonna allow you to sleep like you did when you were using but it will get better. I wish I could have done what you're doing at 18, I would have saved myself a world of hurt. PLEASE keep your head up and stick with it, you have a happy long life ahead of you.

[Brady18_7]

thanks, i appreciate the support. its just so hard going through this, days take forever to get overwith, i cant sleep to save my life, my body aches, and cant even distract my mind with movies or tv shows because i lost interest in everything. i just want that day where i feel a little better than the last, then ill know what to think, but im terrified i wont be able to sleep good at all for the next 2-3 weeks because thats what a lot of people on here say. i just want this to be over with, i learned my lesson this time, i didnt before but i swear to god i cant keep doing this to myself

[motye51]

The only problem with the otc sleep aids is that alot of times u still wont sleep and then your even groggier....sleepy time tea, melatonin, etc.... you could try like nyquil sleep, but if u dont fall asleep its much worse!

[Brady18_7]

the rest of day 4 was still less than good, i slept an hour, then was awake for a few hours and slept another hour before changing beds to sleep in, in slept in the other one for about two hours. this no sleep on top of depression is awful...

[motye51]

Yeah, everything your feeling is pretty on point normal with these w/d's! The no sleep does suck but take it in spurts if you have to.  This will change soon enough and your body will make up for lost time.  I do remember trying a OTC sleep aid, and it made me groggy, but NOT FALL ASLEEP, so then I felt even worse!  I was like, ****!  Why did I think this would work?  
One thing, not everyone has access to, I found worked was a meditation cd that I would put in my ears.  It was like different sounds, beeps, and noises, that would allow me to kind of relax a little more than normal.  In fact, it's what I used to catch a few minutes sleep in the process.  
Just keep pushing yourself....if you want this bad enough, you can do it.  What are you going to do for the mental w/ds that come after the physical part?  Aftercare???

[Brady18_7]

well, i have mental withdrawals now but im going to start going to meetings this upcoming week. i dont really know what to do, just let time go by. its so incredibly discouraging because i wake up and have to get mindf**ked all day by this, plus the days like i said take forever. plus i gotta deal with not being able to sleep, which ***** because being tired all day cause you only slept 2-4 hours the previous night makes me feel that much worse, and the time goes by that much slower because time goes by slow when youre tired, and bored or depressed. im scared to try and sleep because i know i probably wont be able to and ill just lay in my bed feeling sorry for myself, its so discouraging. thank god im FINALLY on day 5 though, i didnt get this far the last two times i tried to quit so im happy about that. how long should it take to start feeling better? a day or two probably, then gradually getting better?

[Brady18_7]

day 5 continued: i feel a bit better as the day went on. last night i ended up telling my grandma about my problem, and shes been very supportive about it, im so thankful i can have her to talk to now. the only people who have ever known i had a drug addiction were my brothers, and theyre all on my dads side of the family, none of my moms side on the family knew. i cant count one person on my dads side of the family the hasnt had a dependency problem with something, whether it be alcohol (which almost all of them are, literally the only ones that dont drink are one of my brothers and one of my sisters, thats it), pills, or something harder like coke/crack which my dad did, or herion, whatever. it kinda *****, theyre all good people atleast. but anyway, i had my grandma take me to my brothers house (about 30mins away) so i could see them for a bit, i figured itd take time to do, which means time passes, thats important because the depression comes from being bored and letting yourself think too much, but if youre out, youre not thinking as much. so i was over there for like two hours and then took a bus back home, an hour or so after i got back home i went to the grocery store with my grandma to get some food and stuff, that took about an hour, then went to family dollar, then we drove around in the country for like a half hour before coming back home, this is at 8pm. im so thankful i have my grandmas support on this, it means the world to me, as does she so i couldnt be happier about that; she checks in on me and goes out of her way to help, like way out of her way, i just couldnt be more appreciative of that(i live with my grandparents btw). shes gonna have my grandpa take me to the movies tomorrow, so thats something to look forward to, and also theres a christmas auction tomorrow im going to with my mom and grandma. i bought a couple black n mild cigars to see if that would help, i tried it before and it helped because if youre smoking, then your mind is slightly distracted because youre doing something, plus a lot of people smoke to relieve stress, so it seemed like a good idea. i feel like its helped, i got a little nic buzz and made me feel a little better. i also smoke weed, that helps A LOT with distracting your mind and sleeping, i dont know how id even get the 2-3 hours a night im getting if i didnt have weed. i like to smoke and listen to music, it helps a ton. i plan on telling my mom soon, like in the next couple days, i hope it goes well but dont really know how shell react, shes very judgmental of people with such problems, thus the reason she doesnt really associate with my dads side. ive also found na meetings in my area, three groups in my town and one in the town my brothers and sisters live in. its five nights a week and i thought itd be a good idea, its something to look forward to, it passes time while youre there, and i can talk to people with the same problems as me, i really wish i wouldve thought of this sooner. my grandmas the one the mentioned it to me last night, she thought i might be interested in it because i told her literally everything, how ive been an addict since i was 15, how many times ive relapsed, everything. i have a docs appointment at 8am monday because i called and said its very important i see him asap, so hopefully i can get something to ease the symptoms, and maybe some advice, because im sure he knows more about this than i do. im just praying this is the light at the end of the tunnel i needed to see to persevere in this whole thing, and im praying i can get my sleep back really soon. alright i guess im going to get off, ill post again tomorrow morning

[atthebeach]

Keep moving forward you at doing awesome. I know you said pot helps you sleep, but you should really stop all mind altering drugs. Your body, mind and spirit won't totally heal until you do.

Keeping busy as you found out is very important it keeps you distracted.
Get some exercise in each day. Go for walks, bike ride, lift weights it will help you heal.
Make sure you have cut off contact with anyone who uses. As you know relapse is very common.
Congrats on wanting to reclaim your life.
Counseling with a therapist, pastor, psychologist all will help you.
Please get to NA/AA, celebrate recovery, smart recovery, church get as much support as possible to help prevent relapse.
There is freedom from the chains and bondage of addiction.
Sending prayers,
Debbie

[Brady18_7]

the night of day 5: my brother gave me some of a supplement he had, its for like muscle recovery but its to take at nighttime so you can recover then and it has a sleep aid in it, that helped a bit. i got 2-4 hours in each of the last 2-3 nights, but last night i got around 5 hours. i hope it continues to progress, im just very tired so far today. hopefully today goes good and i continue to get better

[motye51]

Just be careful of what your putting in your body. The no sleep issue to me was one of the hardest things with w/d because your right, it makes time that much slower. What about those mma videos u bought, have u watched them? At 5 days, u deserve a great big kudos, b/c all of us know how hard it is where your at. Keep talking with your grandmother, and as soon as u can, get your *** to an n/a mtg! After the physical part comes the mental, and it has all its own downfalls.....but aftercare will help with this part! I actually felt a physical relief when i went to my first mtg. Keep pushing yourself...relief is right around the corner.

[Gunner817]

I stayed completly sober the first week I got clean the second week I took Xanax at night 1mg to help me sleep I would get about 8 hours then I wouldn't take the Xanax the next day and wouldn't be able to sleep again so I was off and on them for the second week. (They help with sleep tramendsly) but they can be addictive so don't abuse them it says on the bottle 1mg 3x daily so I wouldn't take more than 1mg a day for a week or 2 weeks that way you don't develope an addiction I quit taking the Xanax 5 days ago and no want or addiction for them. They help take the edge off the irrability, anxiety, sleep. It helps now I did try weed twice when I got to week 3 and it had me laughing,tuned to the t.v (lazy) but felt awesome but I couldn't sleep on it but the day I did smoke all day was awesome. Weed isn't addictive so you don't have to worry about that, but since you're a addicted you'll want to become a pothead if you smoke to much cause you'll like the drug and you'll be substituting one drug for another even though weed is a lot better for you than these pills!!!! I smoked pot every day for 3 years and when I quit I just felt bored and a little trouble sleeping but it was never as bad as these opiate withdrawals. This is my second time detoxing off opiates first time by day 21 I was basically back to the old me then got back on them for a year and a half and quit again,I'm now at day 22 and I still don't feel like the old me. So each time you go through detox it gets harder and harder. I went cold turkey no subs or tapering for me so the withdrawals were more intense. A lot of people won't agree with me but once you get pass 5 or 6 days get a little Xanax for sleep. Specially when you just lost controll from lack of sleep instead of thinking **** it il take an opiate to slaw don't take a Xanax and sleep better just try not to do it everyday!!! I've called about NA classes so many times but havnt went once, I rather stay busy with life and get through a month and start to get back to normal then start taking the classes.thats good you have someone like your grandmother supporting you, I told my aunt and acted like it was all over the withdrawals that is and she understood but atleast I told someone. You need will power any time you crave the pill find something else you like to do, play video games if that's what your into..main thing is staying occupied.