Is it worth it

[philster]

As I think back. It started as something to relieve the pain of a broken bone. That was a good thing. Somewhere along the line it got out of hand. The price I have paid in missed mimories is to great to put a value on. The guilt will never go away. My wife and children have had to pay for something they did not buy. I have put them through hell. I will never forgive myself. My wife has been so courageous. The regret I carry is so heavy. May God forgive me because I cant forgive myself. Anyone out there that has a chance to quit before it starts costing you big listen to my humble words. Moments of the high for a lifetime of regret and missed memories. Please love yourself, your family a friends by being there for them. Give up drugs while you can.

[tempted622]

I agree. If you weren't so caring or were dead inside like so many of the people I've come across, you wouldn't be caring so much about these things but about yourself which is what most addictions make people do. Love

[jon709]

In some strange way you may have helped your family and kids to steer away from drugs.  I know from personal experience that my kids have a good understanding of drugs street or prescribed from the doctor.  I will gladly go through what I have if it helps my kids to see things more clearly.  God bless you friend and be good to yourself.  Dont beat yourself up.  You are a good person and have the love of family.

jon

[10356]

Hello Philster.. I'm so sorry to hear of the pain in your words. I too have hurt my family in ways I never thought I could.. but I have found forgiving myself had to be part of my recovery.. for it fills a place in our heart and mind that should be completely open to the joy and love in our life.. in a way it is robbing them of a lil piece of you.. for as you ponder this and it brings you sadness.. it is a sadness your family feels.. they have forgiven you and want nothing but the very best for you.. those memories that are a blur are the price we pay.. but to perpetuate it with guilt is giving your addiction more power then what it deserves.. You have been forgiven by the creator the minute you recognized and corrected the path you were on.. Forgive yourself and rejoice in the love and joys of your life now.. Not that we will ever forget but we will no longer rob those that love us by holding on to what can only cause us and them pain.. I say this with all due respect for I find you to be a kind and gentle man with many Blessings.. warmly lesa

[philster]

Thanks for all of the thoughts. I know it does no good to dwell on the past, it seems to be one of many weaknesses I have. I have been married over 29 years and have 5 children. They need me to be whole and healthy both physically and emotionaly. I consider myself to be of at least average intellgence and so I marvel at some of the choises I've made. Wee, I allowed myself this day of pity so it's time to stop dwelling on it and move on. Thanks for many wise words and kind thoughts. blessings

[Rebecca_]

Yesterday is gone, tomorrow has not yet come so focus on today.  I'm sure you've heard this all before - we all have.  Every day try to stop yourself from these thoughts which stray you from the present moment in time.  If you can become aware of your tendency to feel bad about your choices you can change your thought patterns the way you changed your life by ending your addiction.  

Each time you start to wander this way remind yourself of who you are right now, right this very minute, today.  Although it may not seem like it and although your actions may have lingering effects, today is really all that matters.

Let the regret go.  Burn it in a fire, cast it out to sea, throw it up into the wind and watch it disappear.  Just as you ended your addiction you can end your pains of regret and shame.  Believe in yourself as this fellow human who has never even met you does!!!

And by the way, scars are what make us who we are.....don't regret what happened to put them there or you are regretting the person you are today.

[Jmm2]

May I say as the loved one of an addict that you have to find a way to forgive yourself.  That you have found a way to do what so many never do;getting clean.  Each moment of clarity & love you give yourself and your family is a gift in life that could have been lost.  One minute & day at a time you should be proud.  
The price you have paid was high no doubt, but your still here to make new  memories.  I can tell  you your family is overwhelmingly joyfully happy that every single day you are here to love.  I can tell you this because I lost my sister from addiction a year ago and each new day was her choice to quit.  I would give anything to be able to say she had.

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

large congratulations!  scars actually lesson with time ..... I only have 7 years on you, but maybe i started scarring early? Any way life can be really good again.....I hope that it is for you....

[philster]

i have been forgiven. by god and family and friends but the pain remains. wounds heal but scars remain

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

The good news is that you can both be forgiven and given relief from feeling responsible if you merely ask for it and live your current life like you deserve to be forgiven......you will be ....give it a shot.......

[philster]

some of the most important days of my life are a blur. days compressed into warped seconds of memories lost forever. times I had looked forward to my whole life lost to a little pill. this pains huge compared to the physical pain I was escaping

[Ella789]

  I agree with you.   I must admit that I did some things with poor judgement,  nothing illegal or imoral, but I know I spent more money and had a shorter temper when  I was taking opiates.  It is easier to see things more clearly now!  Better late than never.

El

[worried878]

agree...no...it is not