Aa
OMG Today :(((((((( You won't believe it.
I really really don't want to relapse but I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Today (end of day 6 of detoxing for me) I mustered up enough strength to pull myself to work (my wife and I both work at one of my areas largest pain management centers), I had missed a total of 4 days work, my wife missed 2 she did some slight detoxing as well but mostly there form me. We had NEVER missed one day since we had been there and work very hard. Now I knew it was going to be hard to go back there and face all that but I was determined with my wife by my side. And as soon as we get there ev eryone usually is very nice to both of us but this morning people were just hanging their heads at us like we had died or something! Long story short after all kinds of crap that I wont go into, I was pulled into an exam room and told I had been moved (demoted) to the damn filing room!!!! Which is like a closet with all the records!!!! And I had a pretty high job there! I had missed a total of 4 days!!!! And had things squared away with my bos about having the flu. I just got my wife and walked out. I can't believe it. I have NO INCOME again :(((((((((( I am seriously about to have a huge nervous breakdown and panic attack at the same time, this could have NOT come at a worse time!!!!!!! Please don't judge me for walking out I just could not sit there and have everyone looking at me like that I couldn't work in that hampster room!!!! But this is what got me really hooked on the damn pills in the first place not having a job!!!!!!!!!!!!! What the hell am I going to do now my house payment is already going on 3 months behind AGAIN and I already went through a re-mod to save it this summer. I can't deal I really can't right now. The job market here *****! I cant believe this :((((((((((((( NOT NOW. The only thing I am doing now is cleaning the **** out of the house but I am TIRED already. I am not 100% yet and mentally not ready for this I don't know what to do!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know. I just wish I felt stronger. But looking at dolls mess yikes! I think mine may be somewhat food related. I've just been soooo hungry I'm eating the wrong things and probably it loo large portions. Because as soon as I eat I really go south. Hang in there dolls. I'm gonna see how i feel at the 10 and 14 complete day marks.
You needed to leave there anyway. Not sure leaving was the right idea. What about INS?
Good luck, take this chance to turn your life around
And after all the miserable days you were through don't relapse.
Good luck, take this chance to turn your life around
And after all the miserable days you were through don't relapse.
Hi Back2Me! Wow, I don't know how you are doing it. I mean, I have tried to get up and move around.....but when I do, I pass out....I mean, literally pass out. I passed out yesterday after getting up to get me some water. It is like the more I try to do, the worse I feel. My heart is racing all the time and I am still sweating like a pig even though I am freezing cold...and don't even get me started on my pain levels....uuugggghhhh. My RLS has gotten way out of control and I am not sleeping well at all. I tried a xanax but all that did was make me crave a pill so I am not taking any more of those. The other day, I took a couple shots of whisky to help calm me down..and all that did was make me sick to my stomach. It is like I can't win for losing here. Nothing is helping me to feel better and being on day 9, I would have thought the worse would have been over by now.
I am so proud of you though! You had the temptation right in your hand and didn't cave.....I really don't think I could say the same thing if I were in your position. I feel more and more like I am going to need to get on Suboxone to get off these stupid pills. I just can't function at all and so my plan for today is to call my Doctors office later and see if there is any way I can talk to my Doctor personally and let him know what has been going on. I called and left a message for him but he was not in the office so they had the nurse call me. She was not being very pleasant with me and actually made me feel worse. She pretty much said she feel as if I am making all this up just so that I can get more pills. She also said that I wasn't my Doctors only patient and that I can't expect him to drop everything he is doing just to give me pills. I just think I would feel a lot better if I were able to talk to him personally and hear it from him that everything is ok.
Well, good luck this weekend....I know for me, the weekends are the worse. I will keep you in my prayers! God Bless!!!
I am so proud of you though! You had the temptation right in your hand and didn't cave.....I really don't think I could say the same thing if I were in your position. I feel more and more like I am going to need to get on Suboxone to get off these stupid pills. I just can't function at all and so my plan for today is to call my Doctors office later and see if there is any way I can talk to my Doctor personally and let him know what has been going on. I called and left a message for him but he was not in the office so they had the nurse call me. She was not being very pleasant with me and actually made me feel worse. She pretty much said she feel as if I am making all this up just so that I can get more pills. She also said that I wasn't my Doctors only patient and that I can't expect him to drop everything he is doing just to give me pills. I just think I would feel a lot better if I were able to talk to him personally and hear it from him that everything is ok.
Well, good luck this weekend....I know for me, the weekends are the worse. I will keep you in my prayers! God Bless!!!
Hey dude just want to take a minute to encourage you to keep pushing forward I detoxed at 47 no spring chicken it can take a wile to feel better these 20somethings make it look ez
give it some time you will come around....go up to walmart and pick up some whey protein shake mix its loaded with vitamins essential amino acids along with the protein all of witch the brain needs to heal it 15 buck for a 2lb can the chocolate flavor is good you just mix it with milk drink 2 a day and you will recover faster it all about giving the brain what it needs
hang in there bro if you need to talk message me YOU CAN DO THIS.......Gnarly
give it some time you will come around....go up to walmart and pick up some whey protein shake mix its loaded with vitamins essential amino acids along with the protein all of witch the brain needs to heal it 15 buck for a 2lb can the chocolate flavor is good you just mix it with milk drink 2 a day and you will recover faster it all about giving the brain what it needs
hang in there bro if you need to talk message me YOU CAN DO THIS.......Gnarly
day one down, i am really getting hungry, so better eat, keep strong,,, ha,,,,hang in there
Good for you ! I am done with day 8 and really feel like poop. I am beat down. Very little energy. I am pushing myself but man it's haaaaaaard. Hope it's easier soon.
Correction..it is 11 days off the suboxone. Time flies when your not having fun..lol. I can't believe it is the 16th already.
About 26 days off of lortab and 9 days off of suboxone. I did a quick 23 day taper with suboxone to detox off of lortabs going from 8mg to .5mg in those 23 days. I told you I was a wimp. That first time years ago CT was h*ll for me and that is why I admire your strength, especially the amount you quit at.
Hi Back2, you are doing great, I am truly happy for you even in the midst of what must seem like a tornado swirling around you. I am so thankful that you are pushing through this regardless of what comes.
A friend told me today that there was another overdose and death here in town last week and due to nothing but pills. Pill are an epidemic here in our small town. I would say that they are THE drug of choice here and then the only other one to a degree is crank/meth. All together, about 25 people have died this year from a drug overdose.
Just writing that as a reminder to us all. I love the scriputure, "I will live and not die, and declare the glory of the Lord forever." I am so thankful to be pill free and alive today. Hugs! lyn
A friend told me today that there was another overdose and death here in town last week and due to nothing but pills. Pill are an epidemic here in our small town. I would say that they are THE drug of choice here and then the only other one to a degree is crank/meth. All together, about 25 people have died this year from a drug overdose.
Just writing that as a reminder to us all. I love the scriputure, "I will live and not die, and declare the glory of the Lord forever." I am so thankful to be pill free and alive today. Hugs! lyn
Wow, that is a lot to go through. And it gives every excuse to use. But good for you to make the decision to quit. May I ask what you were taking? No bigee if you don't want to share, just curious. My DOC was Vicodin mostly. I hear you with the court thing, it's scary. I got into trouble with the law twice for writing fake rx's. Scary stuff. Glad to be past that for almost 11 months now. You'll be ok. I wish I could get inside your head and make you believe that. Words and just words and you'll know you'll be ok if you keep the current attitude it sounds like you have. Day one. that's where it starts. Soon you'll be on day two, 3, 8, 19, 100!! This forum is helping me so so much, just reading posts, posting things, sharing my story, reading other's stories and knowing that we're not alone in all this.
You had mentioned earlier about trying to get a refill too soon (was that today?) - if you really want to quit, and this is a huge thing (it was a HUGE challenge for me, as I had one refill on Vics after I was sober) you may want to call that pharmacy and tell them to cancel it. I know that's so hard and your addiction may be telling you to keep it active just in case. And when the day comes that the refill is legitimately due, you'll kick into the addiction if you're anything like me..we rationalize and justify our use so much it's scary. I've heard that NA meetings are great, but it may take one or two to see what location and group you can identify with and such..just going on what i've heard, I've never been. Keep us posted on what's happening. It's a tough road, no need to sugar coat it...but you'll get through it. Like Back2me said, it won't happen FOR us. So so very true!! Take care and best of luck!!!
You had mentioned earlier about trying to get a refill too soon (was that today?) - if you really want to quit, and this is a huge thing (it was a HUGE challenge for me, as I had one refill on Vics after I was sober) you may want to call that pharmacy and tell them to cancel it. I know that's so hard and your addiction may be telling you to keep it active just in case. And when the day comes that the refill is legitimately due, you'll kick into the addiction if you're anything like me..we rationalize and justify our use so much it's scary. I've heard that NA meetings are great, but it may take one or two to see what location and group you can identify with and such..just going on what i've heard, I've never been. Keep us posted on what's happening. It's a tough road, no need to sugar coat it...but you'll get through it. Like Back2me said, it won't happen FOR us. So so very true!! Take care and best of luck!!!
Hi there, we did talk this morning, we have had quite the issues lately, on his way home (he works road construction) he got a DUI, i lost my job in September because of using, i know how you feel about no money, i have none either. I just had to go to court last week, and might have to pay some money out, unempolyment is fighting me...........oh what else, but you are right, i have made my mind up, gonna quit, today is day one,,,,again...and i am NOT going to go find some pills, f##### it, NO, gonna stick with it, and see if i can get through this, so glad i have this place to vent, and going to and NA meeting this week, and i am scared to death to do that, but need to...hang in there...lets keep talking....may God be with us all...
Well said about the 'it won't happen FOR us'...so simple but true!! Great job on hanging in there, and yes you would have (like I have so many times) kicked yourself the day or moment after you used. Like I said before I don't know if I would have been that strong. You've come this far, and what will help me stay on the right path sometimes is thinking back to the first and second days of wds. Just know it gets better every moment and the fact that you overcame temptation and actually coping with your job loss is a HUGE feat.
Wow wanna, divorce, that's heavy. I don't blame you for taking this pills but like everyone is telling me and I know, its still gonna be there the second they wear off and it's going to be 10x harder to cope. Hell who am I kidding it will be impossible to cope at that point. I can't believe I am pushing myself through this I really can't. No jobs, ONE CAR that's two months behind and a house that's 3 months behind. And about 1200.00 coming in by tomorrow and that's IT. That's all to my name. I have seriously $1 in my pocket right now. I sold a bunch of nice stuff on eBay that thank god sold or I would not have hardly ANY money right now. And it's pretty much ALL stuff my ex boss got for me. Nice watch (movado) brand new iPod touch, Bose headphones, and all kinds of nice stuff. Out with the old I guess. I need the $$ BAD. But as far as taking a pill I'm not letting that be an option. It's what got me here in the first place to a good degree and I have to be very sharp minded right now. I would be kicking myself today if I took something yesterday I just know it. And anyway I still don't really feel all that well. I mean I'm getting around better but my nerves are like razors and my sleep ***** and my mind won't really turn off completely let. I'm still on the toilet a lot and still sneezing like crazy. I hope all goes well maybe yor husband will reconsider if you show him you are clean and everythig and let him help with it. I don't know your situation I just know that *****. I have been through 2 divorces and I am just turning 40! So I know. But better times ahead right. We have to make that happen though. It's not just going to happen FOR us. I keep telling myself that.
I was reading Back2me posts, really can understand your troubles and worries. And people were posting what drugs have taken from us, i can say, my ambition, my self worth, my sex drive, my happiness. And yesterday, i blew it, was feeling soooo down, things have not been good at home, my husband is worried about money, and some other matters. He told me yesterday he wants a divorce, and said he really means it, he said he is tired of being married to a liar and a thief................i cried and cried, and went and tried to get script refilled early, dumb, dumb,,,pharmacy must know about me now, Gonna get through this, dont need them, but was feeling so horrible, i felt like i had nothing to live for, so lets go down the dead end road....so im gonna try and buck it up, and try to deal with all this thing called life. thanks you guys....
Hey there,
Give yourself a HUGE pat on the back. God, have I been where you were at mentally 1000 times. There's nothing I can say that'll make it better. But what should make you very proud is having those Darvocets in your hand and not taking them. What a huge thing to not do. I don't know that I would have been as strong as that.
It's totally a grieving process, you're right about that. It's not right at all what they did to you, but sounds to me like they were trying to make you quit, that way you wouldn't be able to collect unemployment. I was fired right after my employer at the time found out I was pregnant, used some dumb excuse. Thank God I was pregnant because I would have used that as an excuse and given myself permission to use.
It's so hard to feel any emotion sober. We're used to getting upset, take some pills; get anxiety, take some pills; someone upsets you or fires you!: take some pills...and then all of a sudden we don't/can't take the pills. i told my husband last night, it's our cooping mechanism. We internalize everything, and with all that in our heads, a 20 minute escape is a good thing, so we do it 55 times a day to escape everything! It's like telling someone (told my husband this too) to be called a name, ridiculed, etc., but put tape over your mouth and don't respond at all..it's that unnatural for us to not take pills, it's like asking the total impossible. But you made the impossible possible. That's amazing, and again, give yourself credit and know that if you can get through this sober, you can do anything.
On one last note, I used to work at a pain mgmt clinic too. Being around all these people getting all these pills made me think about using all the time, and I did. They didnt' have pills at the clinic, but it didn't help at all with me trying to get on the right path. I eventually got fired as well for some dumb reason, but in retrospect, I'm glad. If I had to keep working around all these people and calling in pills for people I would have done something dumb, let alone the fact that being around all those reminders of pills all day was making my anxiety soar, even though I was using at the time. So, it doesn't seem like it now, but the above posts are right in that it's probably a blessing. One week!!! Amazing, keep going, stay as strong as you already are, and give yourself more credit! Take care!!
Give yourself a HUGE pat on the back. God, have I been where you were at mentally 1000 times. There's nothing I can say that'll make it better. But what should make you very proud is having those Darvocets in your hand and not taking them. What a huge thing to not do. I don't know that I would have been as strong as that.
It's totally a grieving process, you're right about that. It's not right at all what they did to you, but sounds to me like they were trying to make you quit, that way you wouldn't be able to collect unemployment. I was fired right after my employer at the time found out I was pregnant, used some dumb excuse. Thank God I was pregnant because I would have used that as an excuse and given myself permission to use.
It's so hard to feel any emotion sober. We're used to getting upset, take some pills; get anxiety, take some pills; someone upsets you or fires you!: take some pills...and then all of a sudden we don't/can't take the pills. i told my husband last night, it's our cooping mechanism. We internalize everything, and with all that in our heads, a 20 minute escape is a good thing, so we do it 55 times a day to escape everything! It's like telling someone (told my husband this too) to be called a name, ridiculed, etc., but put tape over your mouth and don't respond at all..it's that unnatural for us to not take pills, it's like asking the total impossible. But you made the impossible possible. That's amazing, and again, give yourself credit and know that if you can get through this sober, you can do anything.
On one last note, I used to work at a pain mgmt clinic too. Being around all these people getting all these pills made me think about using all the time, and I did. They didnt' have pills at the clinic, but it didn't help at all with me trying to get on the right path. I eventually got fired as well for some dumb reason, but in retrospect, I'm glad. If I had to keep working around all these people and calling in pills for people I would have done something dumb, let alone the fact that being around all those reminders of pills all day was making my anxiety soar, even though I was using at the time. So, it doesn't seem like it now, but the above posts are right in that it's probably a blessing. One week!!! Amazing, keep going, stay as strong as you already are, and give yourself more credit! Take care!!
Yeah man thanks. I already feel a little better today. I think its kind of a greiving process about that job. I though the doctor and I were actually FRIENDS. he treated very well for a long time. I really think I was making a lot of people uneasy there as fast as I was moving up and they finally got their chance when I was gone a few days. I know I needed to leave there just terrible timing. But you are right. No time to sulk. Well maybe one or two days :). Happy day 9 buddy!
Ps still not sleeping to good without assistance. Tried nothing last night at it was pretty rough. Other than that feeling better.
Ps still not sleeping to good without assistance. Tried nothing last night at it was pretty rough. Other than that feeling better.
Good morning B2M. Day 8 for you, day 9 for me...that alone should put smiles on our faces. I took a moment when I woke up this morning to feel proud, you should too. I hope your head is a little clearer.
You know, sometimes we need to be pushed into a corner in order to find out what we are made of. I had no idea what I was capable of handling. I was put in a position to either give up or fight, I chose to fight. It seems you may be in a corner, you need to fight. Buddy, dig down deep, don't ever give up, you will be amazed what you can cope with. You know what I am saying is from the heart.
You reached out to me, I was going through some heavy ****, as you were. You helped me on day 3, knowing that there was someone going through exactly what I was going through at the same time. And I appreciate that.
You can do this.
ct
You know, sometimes we need to be pushed into a corner in order to find out what we are made of. I had no idea what I was capable of handling. I was put in a position to either give up or fight, I chose to fight. It seems you may be in a corner, you need to fight. Buddy, dig down deep, don't ever give up, you will be amazed what you can cope with. You know what I am saying is from the heart.
You reached out to me, I was going through some heavy ****, as you were. You helped me on day 3, knowing that there was someone going through exactly what I was going through at the same time. And I appreciate that.
You can do this.
ct
hang in there dude things will work them selfs out God has a plan for your life your not as alone as you might think....keep a positive attitude and get to some N/A meetings it will make this whole process ez on you hope you have a great night good luck and God bless...Gnarly
Wow CT. Wow. I had no idea man. I am feeling a bit better now. Earlier I was really freaking out bad. I guess I just don't have very good coping skills I never really did I believe that's what got me into this pill mess in the first place. And now my nerves are so raw that it's even worse being in detox. Today is the very first day that I didn't break down like a big baby though so that's a pluss I guess. Even after all of that I held my emotions today. Finally. I have a lot of things to work out right now and I just wish I was about 6 months into this and not 7 days. I am still very weak. But man you have had some problems that's for sure. I hope everything works out. I dont know how you do it. I'm just going to check in for the night. Hopping in bed and watching a movie I have kept myself moving all day and am very tired. I have lots to do in the morning :/ Thanks for that post buddy. Everyone else too. I know I'm a big PIDA right now but I'll be back to normal soon.
I am sorry, but u both quit your jobs because u got demoted?
I am not sure what u can do to fix ur dilemna...using isnt gonna help
This whole country is suffering from extreme unemployment, 9.8% on unemployment but 20% or more r unemployed..including me. 1 in 5 americans r on food stamps.
Americans have had to tighten their belt and cut down, which is even harder to do with lil or no income..and I am sorry. Our govt does not however follow the trend and they have not cut down their spending as we have. They are trying to pass a 1.2 trill ion dollar spending bill as I type with 6000 earmarks (pet projects) in it, like studdying bovine disease in michigan, or blueberry diseases in maine...couple million on texas obesity!
I find it horrible that folks in america are suffering thru this economy and it is as if they do not feel our pain..they r in the white house bubble.
I only know using is not gonna help nuttin..,.it will only cost money u do not have and make it harder to get back to work...meetings would be great right now...as I do know times like this can make us weak
Hang tight and keep posting
I am not sure what u can do to fix ur dilemna...using isnt gonna help
This whole country is suffering from extreme unemployment, 9.8% on unemployment but 20% or more r unemployed..including me. 1 in 5 americans r on food stamps.
Americans have had to tighten their belt and cut down, which is even harder to do with lil or no income..and I am sorry. Our govt does not however follow the trend and they have not cut down their spending as we have. They are trying to pass a 1.2 trill ion dollar spending bill as I type with 6000 earmarks (pet projects) in it, like studdying bovine disease in michigan, or blueberry diseases in maine...couple million on texas obesity!
I find it horrible that folks in america are suffering thru this economy and it is as if they do not feel our pain..they r in the white house bubble.
I only know using is not gonna help nuttin..,.it will only cost money u do not have and make it harder to get back to work...meetings would be great right now...as I do know times like this can make us weak
Hang tight and keep posting
Hey man, listen to me for a minute, calm down, take a deep breath. What happened to you today su cks, I'm going to tell you a story and keep it short...
7 years ago I had a business in California, I had lived there for 25+ years, I was deported back to Canada and given a 5 year ban because my papers were not in order. I tried to sneak back in, and was given a life ban.
I lost my business, my house, everything. Not to mention, my wife and 3 children were living in Cal. I had to move my family to Canada, with nothing here for me. I had to sell all my possessions, car furniture etc...14 months ago, my wife was deported from Canada and has been back in the States since. I have been fighting to get her here with me. In the last 7 years I have seen my wife for 2 of those years. She should be here soon. My kids married here and I have 6 grandchildren. I live in a small town, and things are working out.
Now I am not trying to make light of what happened to you, only that you can deal with it. We both have the same amount of clean time, we both went through cold turkey at the same time. I have 8 days today, you have 7 in at 6PM this evening...that's huge! don't let those bastards push you back.
Using will not make this better and you know it. You were at your mothers today. A little over a year ago, I went to my Moms and found her in the bathroom, she died of a heart attack, A very young 70's. I found her, and still am dealing with that shock. I started using shortly after that, yeah, it helped at first...but you know where it goes. And you do not want to go back there.
She used to say " I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet"
Life is a journey, hit the streets, your a smart guy, I know that from talking to you. Something will come around. Stay positive. Stay clean. Really, stay clean...I am pulling for you, I know it's hard, I have been there. Life su cks sometimes. But you can do this.
ct
7 years ago I had a business in California, I had lived there for 25+ years, I was deported back to Canada and given a 5 year ban because my papers were not in order. I tried to sneak back in, and was given a life ban.
I lost my business, my house, everything. Not to mention, my wife and 3 children were living in Cal. I had to move my family to Canada, with nothing here for me. I had to sell all my possessions, car furniture etc...14 months ago, my wife was deported from Canada and has been back in the States since. I have been fighting to get her here with me. In the last 7 years I have seen my wife for 2 of those years. She should be here soon. My kids married here and I have 6 grandchildren. I live in a small town, and things are working out.
Now I am not trying to make light of what happened to you, only that you can deal with it. We both have the same amount of clean time, we both went through cold turkey at the same time. I have 8 days today, you have 7 in at 6PM this evening...that's huge! don't let those bastards push you back.
Using will not make this better and you know it. You were at your mothers today. A little over a year ago, I went to my Moms and found her in the bathroom, she died of a heart attack, A very young 70's. I found her, and still am dealing with that shock. I started using shortly after that, yeah, it helped at first...but you know where it goes. And you do not want to go back there.
She used to say " I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet"
Life is a journey, hit the streets, your a smart guy, I know that from talking to you. Something will come around. Stay positive. Stay clean. Really, stay clean...I am pulling for you, I know it's hard, I have been there. Life su cks sometimes. But you can do this.
ct
Does this make sense? If you use...it is going to be harder to find a job because most of the jobs do drug testing. When I first got sober...all the cars windows in my driveway were smashed by a drug collector that was after my son. I didn't think I would make it thru that hour with the cops without a drink. Then my life was being threatened....same drug lord..didn't think I would make it thru that either...I thought, what the heck...he's gonna kill me, I might as well drink. For some reason...i didn't drink. I wish you hadn't quit your job...most of us people addicted....are very impulsive...we don't THINK before we react. But that is done with....and yes, everything happens for a reason. Hopefully, your reason is that you are going to find a better suited job for you. But, if you start getting intoxicated now...its going to be really hard to focus on looking for work...you will start to feel not good enough for anything...and you will deplete any funds that you will be able to get. What a crappy day you had...but honestly, it sounds like you worked with a bunch of crappy people. You told them you were out sick and they demote you? You really don't want to work for people like that anyway. If you use...your 6 days...of going thru WD was for nothing...and you don't ever have to go thru THAT again...if you just stay on track...This too shall pass!
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
