Whelp, Back again :(

[InNeed88]

Some of you may remember me, I quit CT off norco back in July..Made it a while with nothing. But the pain in my back from a car accident took over. I've now been back on my meds for 3 or so months and I just want to be done for good. After work today i'm going to start the "fun" detox/withdrawl process all over again. Is it true that it's worse each time you do it?? I am scared ...But i'm more scared that i'm gonna loose myself to these stupid pills. I have my sister staying with me this weekend to help out and be there for me. So that will be nice, and she has an idea of what i'm going though, she didnt have a pill problem although she was an alcoholic and yesterday was actually her 6 month clean day :) :) YAY!! Shes having major cravings, so were kinda helping eachother.
But my question is, What am i getting myself into here

Thanks - Molly

[asailorswife]

drink a lot of water. don't give in to the triggers, whatever you do! :)

[InNeed88]

Yeah i will admit it def helps keep my mind off of things, But holy hell...It's been a CRAZY day..i'm about to loose my mind :( Today would have been a better day to not be at work..on Day 4 and work is a huge trigger and i want a pill grrrr!! not to mention my back is KILLING me

[asailorswife]

believe it or not, working while going through the WD process has helped a lot of people, or so i have read on here. keep on keeping on!

[InNeed88]

Aww well thanks :) I'm trying...Which isnt really really easy today, I'm working at 12 hour shift today BLAH...and as much as i'd love to go look at the sun, it's rainy and gross here!! Where is my 80 degree weather, and maybe a beach!!!
I'm so confused right now, i know that each detox and withdrawl is different but this one is just down right odd to me. This obviously isnt my first ride on this horse lol
But this time , Yes i'm having brain farts lol and am clumsy as all heck, But mental wise i'm no where near as side or moody as last time, which i guess is a really good thing, I guess i'm just waiting for the negative to hit, Which is an awful way to look at it...kinda like when is the shoe going to drop.
I'm doing all i can with taking vitamins, ooo and last time i went through this i craved sweets like crazy, which i am now as well.. but i wasnt really hungry before..and now im STARVING..Just weird to me how differnt this is

[clean_in_ks]

You are doing GREAT....a great attitude.....and sense of humor, too!

[InNeed88]

I love that quote, I am gonna be reminding myself of that, thank you so much for sharing ;)

Well time for 10000 snack for the day, why am I so hungry grrr

[asailorswife]

someone on here four years ago told me something that i will NEVER forget. and if i am seeing this correctly, he is still a very much active member on this forum. he told me:

step outside, look up at the sun and smile for a bit.

this man changed my life.

[ricart70]

I would just start with walking right now. Around the block, etc.
glad you are feeling better today!   :)

[InNeed88]

Thanks everyone so much for your help and support,  it means the world to me. I actually feel pretty damn good right now. At least for being in the situation im in lol... got some sleep last night, thankyou xanax lol and im up showered did my hair make up and went out to breakfast today..im smiling and it feela nice :)
Now heres my question. .they say its good to excersice, but not to push it, how do I know what's to much, cauae I know they say you need lots of rest to help heal.
Also, has anyone else had the urge to eat 24/7 while detoxing,  cause ive been eating EVERYTHING in site

[ricart70]

That's great to hear.You are doing great just hang in there. I went to a meeting at a rehab facility this evening and there was a lady in-patient there to get off of suboxone.She was in horrible shape. So many of these addiction specialists these days are just sub clinics in disguise.Even all of those tv commercials about getting your life back etc. You are doing great  !! it will get better.   :)

[InNeed88]

Its a regular addiction threapist, no offense to people on subs, it just wasn't a direction I wanted to go, I wanted to get clean like really clean of it, not just tapering onto another opiate. ..

Ces- if you wanna PM me if you have any questions on that! :)

Im going to ATEMPT to sleep hahha...I say that and inside my body is laughing at me saying your not sleeping any time soon lol so hey maybe ill talk to you all sooner than I think

*Molly* :)
Tomorrow is another day, but right now today is what mattered, I made it though today and im proud I did that :)

[SmilingBright]

I so needed to hear someone say it!!! Thank u!!  

You said When u got clean u had no energy and just took more pills to get your energy back and it never came!!!   Thank u for sharing that.  

Ive been tapering off of methadone and down to 1.25mg!!!!  Almost time to jump off and be Completly clean if this junk. But it's nice to hear u say that!!!!  

You can do this!!!!  I will be close to this site I'm sure the next several months to get clean and stay that way!!  Hang in there. Praying good things are coming your way. I actually just posted a question about what to expect once I'm Completly off.

[ricart70]

is it a therapist or a sub doctor?

[dominosarah]

You are doing great on being 50 hrs out AND making that appt!!!  You can do this and you will!!!!!!  Impressive!

[InNeed88]

Yea, ive figured that this time im not making excuses for myself anymore,  no more saying thw pain was to bad..ive realized that an excuse for the real issues,  I realize my trigger for last time I started was problems with my dad. I know I have a lot more problems than I realized.  I have already set up an appointment with an addiction threapist. So far im at 50 hours with no pills.  I said goodbye to them and im going to do everything in my power to keep it that way. They do suck the life out of you. What once gave me the power and feeling of being superwoman now made me lazy, had no feelings, no emotions, no hobbies.  I want ME back

[dominosarah]

Dont spend to much time worrying about the wd's.  Focus on what you can do to change your ways so this doesnt happen again.  We spend way to much time worrying about the physical side of this instead of the mental.  Any plans for recovery care?

[BlondeChick10]

Molly
I  reflect on the whole WD process and yep it suc!s but I over dramatized the entire process .. I am similar to you in that after back surgery that was a success I rationalized my continued consumption of Vic for the energy in hind sight I think in the long run it sucked the energy out of me!!

[InNeed88]

Hahah Thats sooo true..In my head i am creating WAY more anxiety about it than needed, Dont get me wrong i know this is gonna s*ck, but theres no way around it, Its my own fault i'm doing this again. But i gotta deal with that part of it and just get it done and over with, Cause the longer i put off doing this the worse its going to get. i'm sick of having no energy sick of feeling like Crap! Part of the reason i started back on the pills was cause i was sick of feeling so down and tired and un motivated during my clean time cause i hadnt hit the peak yet.(when on the pills before i felt so much energy and motivation)  Now im feeling the same way as before with no motivation but on these stupid pills.
So if im gonna feel like this i might as well be doing it while working toward a better goal of getting clean and living a good life

[BlondeChick10]

Stock up on some supplements and RedBox videos and the biggest thing for me was boredom and self created anxiety.  Keep your mind occupied and you'll sail right through the weekend .  Good luck as you know it will be worth it on Monday when you go back to work with a clear mind!

Ann : )

[blotout]

i think one thing that makes it worse each time is that you know what to expect and it builds anxiety about it, and every little pain you have is withdrawals whether it is or not, good luck stay strong and keep posting!!

[InNeed88]

No your totally right, I just need to get that mindset that i had  before and just be done with it, Have the will power to over come it!!

[methmomof2]

Hi  I can only speak from my own experiences. Anyway I know that kicking heroin cold gets worse every time.  But heres the thing,  Anyone can do anything they put their mind to.  If you truly want it you will get thru it again!! Good luck!
Tess