9 days off a big long habit when will i be happy again

[jamielynn777]

PPPPPLEEEEAASE   help   NEED some help DESPERATELY asap PLEASE been 9 days off a 5-8 year habit about 180 mg oxycodone a day.....sleep is but a distant memory, I've slept about 8 hours total (not in one sitting) MY ? is i am now feeling seriously deppressed with no intrest in life living family nothing, i cant even manage a fake smile on my face  How long does it take to start feeling like a real person again that can laugh and have feeling of joy and happiness???????/? PLEAAAAASE some one with experience shed some light on this for me please i;ve been postin but not getting any replies..............i spent most of the day laying in a dark closet crying,wishing i didn't exist wondering if people can be free of opiates or if the former abuse robs your happiness, I'm a wreak Please help all feedback is so encouraging

[gnarly_1]

HI I wish there was a way I could give you a defenet day your going to feel better but it just dont work that way its different for everyone ...just know this many here including myself
have been in that hopeless place that your in right now ...and know with time it will get better...I had to beet a 16 1/2yr addiction to pain meds..I dident get a pick cloud like some do when I came off....I was depressed debilitated with the lack of energy and had anxiety breaking out it seamed hopeless but with God and time I slowly got better you will start to notice improvements slowly as you start to put some weeks in between you and you DOC you will slowly start to come back on line it could be in a few more days or it could be in a few more weeks for me I noticed mensurable improvements at 30 and 60 and then at 90days things realty started to turn around for me  now I got 194 days clean and life is beautiful again I am so happy I dident give up in my times of dispare ...hang in there....try not to get discouraged you will feel better again with time
I dont know if you believe in God or not and im not here to shove him down your throat but I will say prayer help me thew my times of dispare it got me over the ruff spots
he's all you got when your crumbling try reaching out to God its free and you have nothing to loose good luck and God bless.....Gnarly        

[rusty2112]

I hope you are proud for getting through the phisical withdrawal! I can absolutely understand how you are feeling. I have been clean only 60 days from shooting oxys and fentanyl. I had been in a 6 yr relapse after 15 yrs clean. When I had a couple of weeks off the dope, I didn't understand why I was so depressed and unmotivated. I had not smiled or laughed for a long time. I just could not even want to try anything that might even help. I still hated myself, thought I was disgusting and worthless. I really expected to be happy cuz I got through withdrawal, but I was miserable and felt very desperate.I started going to NA mettings every day. I had isolated myself for so long that it was very, very hard to even look anyone in the face. I did it even though it felt so unatural for me. I got up the nerve to actually speak about how I was feeling. After the meeting people came up and told me how great I was doing for how long I had been clean. That was the start of me gaining a small amount of self respect back. I was given phone numbers to call if I needed anything. I continued to go even though I was uncomfortable and felt out of place. After 60 days I am starting to notice that I have an urge to smile on occasion. WTF?? I thought that ability was gone. I even laughed the other day. I think the natural chemicals you get from that take quite awhile to start coming back again. My brain (what's left), forgot how to do that when I was flooding it with poison.
Please don't loose hope or give up. I can tell you it will come back. I truly thought I had permanently damaged those parts of me and didn't think they would ever return. They are slowly returning and the only way I get through is to look forward to feeling somewhat normal again some day. I think as addicts, we want or expect immediate results for some reason, at least that is one of my many defects. Someone here suggested that I judge my progess by the week, not by each day. That has helped me since I really don't notice changes that quickly, but I can see progress if I think back a few weeks ago. Of course it is not as much as I want because, after all, I am an addict. I will pray to something bigger than myself for you. That seems to work on occasion.

Rusty

[cathy5841]

Great job on the 9 days!  Truth is you used for 8 years.  You seriously abused you body and brain. It will take a lot of time for it to repair itself. You can do somethings to help with it. Get some exercise. Check out the amino acids n the health pages. I also went to the DR and got some anti depressants. I have a journal in my profile about time, read it if you get a chance, mite help ya understand. Good luck n keep postin!

[oompah54]

Congratulations on your 9 days!!!!  Be proud of yourself.  Its very hard to be positive when lack of sleep and energy are wearing you down.  This too shall pass. . . . Try to get outside and let the sun works its magic.  Force yourself to take a walk or get some kind of exercise.  It clears the mind and gets the juices flowing.  

You can do this . . . and things will get better.

Peace and strength . . . Deb

[Charetti]

The detox period is very undefined.  The first time I slept more than an hour was the 8th night.  That night I got about 4 and was so happy. Then the progress I had was slow but steady.  There is no wonderful day that you realize you are all better, its gradual like our addictions.  However there will be a day when you will be over this..I promise.  Now I can sleep through the night, watch a movie without nodding off, never feel sick due to pills, and the benefits go on.  Stick to it, you have come too far. Your addiction is testing you mentally right now.

[viauk]

Hi, I can honestly understand the feeling of total desperation after detoxing- I have had a similar experiance after coming of opiates. Initially I felt worse than I did when still using BUT IT WILL PASS!!! Physically it is no wonder really that it takes a while- after poisening the body for years&years. Sleep didn't properly return for weeks but it got slowley but surely better. I don't think there is much you can do about it- exept trying to stick to a bedtime routine even if it seems pointless. Natural sleep WILL return quicker that way.
About your mental wellbeing- IT WILL GET BETTER IF YOU DON'T PICK UP! I am not trying to advertise anything but I can share with you what worked for me. I am a great believer in Fellowship Meetings of AA/NA or CA. I was in a total mess when I attended my first meeting, didn't really believe it would work for me but was for the first time willing to listen and reach out for help due to pure DESPERATION. My life seemed even worse clean than using and I started to doudt that it could and would get better.
I started attending meetings and followed all the suggested things- if i believed theywould or I wouldn't without questioning everything. AND IT WORKED! Today I am free from the bondage of drugs and I am free of depression thanks to the fellowship and working the solution in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
I hope this may help you. Let people around you know how you feel.
There is help out there  for you - just grab it!