im going to try to detox (anybody who is new to this or even long time clean HELP please im so scarred )

[gutsnglitter]

(i wonder if anyone is where im at or past withdrawal but still new please tell me how it was and how they did it i dont know if what happend today and medication i received is going to work)
i decided last night if im wanting this i should just do it, i was going to wait a bit and set a date but i just want to be clean now, i dont like the anticipation of dreading the withdrawal so i went to a detox this morning and they turned me away, they were full, and cant go back to try and get in till monday so i went to a doctor, one i didnt know so i could tell them everything and not feel so ashamed he said i must tell mine though...yeah we will see
so this doctor gave me diazapam i think i spelled that wrong and attivan and arthrotec i guess thats an anti inflammatory for my pain? who knows havnt looked it up yet.
so im gona do it, i gave the rest of my pills to a friend and told them i dont want to see them or pills again, he didnt seem to care about me ditching him.
so im starting this morning
Also someone asked in my post from yesterday if i get help for my anxiety,
i used to before all this became a problem but i haven't been going to my therapist for about a year and stopped taking my medication about a year ago as well because well i stopped going to my appointments and stopped getting prescriptions, when i take alot of oxy's i feel ok, not much anxiety so it was unnecessary to bother in my mind, at the time, i am going to start going again after im clean and i will tell them everything and see if they may be able to help with the addiction also.
i think with reading all the happy clean story's on here it will help me through the worst,
still have not felt like posting into anybody's other post's, still scarred i guess.
the people here seem nice but im shy and anxious and dont know how to get involved very well and i really wish i could,
i know it would be helpful to become involved but i dont want to stick my nose where it doesn't belong i guess,
i feel very strange right now i wish i could just be normal
i am sorry i may seem off, but honestly i have never felt fear like this before
i am so afraid and not just for the withdrawal but the staying away from these drugs for the future, if anyone has any thoughts or advise PLEASE i need it and anybody who is just starting and have days weeks even ahead of me, please talk to me i am desperate
ok well it took me 25 minutes to write this because i am so afraid and anxious and really want to just curl up and die i dont know if i can do this but i have never wanted to have anything more than this thank you for reading my depressed post here, i have no one to talk to so im really hope i can find someone here.....................  

[gutsnglitter]

both of you who just wrote to me thank you so much, and thank you all of you!
so i have been cleaning up this place so i can just boot it outa here!~i took a walk and it was so nice i layed in a park for an hour! it felt so good the fresh air and all.
now im finishing cleaning and im going to pack one bag and im doing it! im moving up to alberta and starting a new life im very excited and im going to start off new in everything.

still feeling very sick but so busy today and good attitude so its manageable

i could write more to you tigerlilly and well u all but i gotta finish if i want to go up with my friend in 2 days  

[gnarly_1]

HI any thing you can do to get your mind off how miserable you feel will help I was an out in nature kind of guy went out to the mountains and marveled at the desert  did some rock climbing at the local rock climbing mountains....dident make it to the top the trail is like a mile and 1/2 but did get some good exorcize going up mabe a 1/3 of the way in oct in phoenix its still pritty hot so I sweat out the poison a movie would be good your in acute withdrawals now and probably dont feel like much of anything but force yourself to do things it reallly dose help remember to push the fluids take the imudium took 4 to help me and just ride out the storm each hr you get threw your that much closer to it being over.....YOU CAN DO THIS  stay away from using freinds no mater how close you are to them this is a lifestyle changing project all persons places and things that remind you of using must go your doing good go out and enjoy your movie check back in with us when your done.....YOU CAN DO THIS just going to take a little work good luck and God bless.....Gnarly    

[tigerlily11]

gutsnglitter,
well hello there! I am just I dont even know the word to describe it...but I feel like I know you, hell I feel like we may be the same person. I was EXACTLY where you where just a few short days ago and listen I am here to tell you, it is so worth it!!! I know exactly how you feel right now and trust me it is worth it it does get better, you have to just keep pushing forward! I am exactly like you and I kind of have anxiety and I definitely didnt want to come on here and just randomly start inboxing people and possibly be a bother to them. I still havent really done that, but I have posted on here like crazy and the few people that responded to me were godsends lifesavers. And it just so happens 2 of those people who were absolutely instrumental and probably saved my life are right here on your post, Gnarly1 and reallyneedhelp! I usually go around here quoting them both because the things they said made so much sense, made it click for me and is what keeps driving me forward. But, I dont have to do that here, becase they have already came thru and shared their wisdom with you, please take it to heart, read it 500 times over and over if you have to until you believe it, I know I did!!!

I know you can make it, I believe in you. You said you wanted this more than ever this time, well those were my exact words when i first came here, and thats the first step it takes, REALLY wanting it. Because this diesease is hard to fight and its cunning and you have to be ready to really fight back like never before! Get positive and get a plan together. With me I did many things because I wanted to fight this on all fronts. I got positive, came on here and got support, got into church, got a relationship with God (even got saved), started taking my vitamins and antidepressants and started going to therapy (like you I thought the opiates were all I needed and never took my other meds, thinking that probably added to my problem), and then just got moving! It really does help to move by getting endorphins back to your body and mind and gives you a feeling of accomplishment and hey I can do all this without the pills!!!! And heck better than before!

Anyway, the point is,Just get a plan together, whatever plan will work for you, you just have to be ready to fight back because the addiction to these opiates are STRONG, but we know what? We are STRONGER!!!!  you have what it takes, even reallyneedhelp told me those exact words about you, so see there are people here that really care about you and want to see you better!

We are in this fight together and WE WILL WIN!!!!!

[gutsnglitter]

im really really $hitty! i cant even stand it its so hard, im still not going to give up, i could, but i want this to much ! i have alot to do today if im going to go on this trip to see my friend and maybe move so ill be busy and maybe it will help.....

[tgtiffany]

Hey!  How are you doing today??  I hope excellent :)  Keep your head up okay, I know it su cks, but it's totally worth it to be free!!!!  Back to the REAL YOU and get your LIFE back :)  

[gutsnglitter]

oh i agree! its totally who you hang out with, i wouldnt have started if it wasnt for my group of friends, though that was a different drug, but same feeling its just easier to get pills so i swapped the addiction, and i cant wait for the day i feel sorry for addicts instead of jealous, it *****