last day without and scared

[sad1258]

Have been taking Lortab 10 for 4 years.  3 months ago got kicked out of pain clinic...got caught getting them from primary doc and pm..stupid!  I have weened from last rx..have one more left. No one knows what I am going through..have no one to talk too...I am extremely sad, anxious and trying to act normal...will I ever feel like I want to live again?????  Please someone talk to me........

[sad1258]

cont.  so I called a family physician locally that I have seen once before...going in the morning to talk about depression..see what he says..I am not getting anything for pain.. you guys..I wouldn't touch that stuff with a ten foot pole at this point...I will not go through what I have and am going through AGAIN!!!  I do feel like I need an antidepressant..I used pills to keep me from feeling grief, ugly family situations,etc.  I feel like that is weighing on me now....feedback please!!!

[sad1258]

gnarly and Dav125--thank you very much to take your time to share..you both have given me lots to think about!! as for the aftercare I am trying....I went to a counselor/psychologist last week let everything out..felt good..I can still go back when I call but...she did say I should be on antidepressant..this would be helpful..gave me a name of a psychiatrist..a long story short I finally got in touch with his office today..talked briefly with the lady who answered the phone..got to the part where she wanted to know why I needed to see him..my response..depressed..trying to get my life back together..addition problems...after that her tone changed and she said well I couldn't get you in until mid August...well I got mad and responded with..what do you do when you need somethingor someone now!  she said I'm sorry you might want to call the psychologist back and see if there is someone else she can refer you too...question? should I not have said the word addiction?  anyway I felt shuned.. isn't that what a psychiatrist does is straighten someone out that needs it?????

[gnarly_1]

Hi well weather you believe it or not your doing great....your now hitting the emotional part of the withdrawal ...if you remember I told you guys this is 1/3 physical and 2/3 mental...it wasn't to play down the physical part but rather to prepare you for the mental
I just got back from my weekly visit to my substance abuse conslor..and was shearing with him that I have had dreams lately about using and being with old using friends..I have been waking up in a cold sweet ...and thanking God it was only a dream but the mental side of this can be just as challenging as the physical side...one thing he has always told me is yes we can be miserable with this thing from time to time but it is our choice if we suffer...its all up to the perception in our minds...kinda like the glass is 1/2 full or 1/2  empty...you have to live in the now and except it for what it is...there is very little you can do but to except where your at right now...try your best to keep a positive attitude...and choose not to suffer...your so much better off then you where a week ago ...this weeks challenge will be beating the "mindscrew" stage of the game...look at all you have accomplished and give thanks to God for getting you this fare ...your no longer chained to a pill bottle...you just need to learn how to embrace life on lifes terms...as for that empty pit of anxiety in you stomach...I feel for you that was one of my worst symptoms and one that hung in there for a wile also...I hated it but I promise you it will go away...I wish there was a way I could just give you a date you could mark on the calendar but theirs not its different for everybody...my last withdrawal was from methadone...its well known to be long and agonizing and it was...that pit in my stomach lasted around a month but it took a full 90 days for me to not feel sick anymore...witch is typical for methadone...your coming off pills your recovery will be a lot faster then mine ...just keep putting one foot in front of the other and move forward each day...soon you will have 2 weeks clean and look back and feel a lot better then you do now....start becoming pro/active in your recovery...get out and plug into some sort of aftercare....for me a substance abuse conslor has been the best fit for narcotic withdrawal for me...when I layed down the alcohol and weed a bit over 5 yrs ago I went to both N/A and A/A ...at the time it was what I needed and I still believe highly in the 12 step progams...still hit a meeting once in a wile to...I know going to meetings can be a bit intimidating at first but trust me you will feel right at home there ...right now try and cheer up a bit...you really are making good progress and what your feeling is prity normal for as far along as you are....try not to get discouraged with your progress it should only start to get better the longer you put in...chin up....good luck and God bless......Gnarly        

[Dav125]

Your guess is as good as mine. Thats a hard call. And that lack of motivation to get up and go really s**ks. Its like you think of doing something and your mind immediately starts going into this depressed mode making it real hard just to get out the door . We get tired just thinking about it Yes , it is a struggle. Remember, your not alone and talking about it is as good a way as any to keep working on processing it out of us. Darn pain in the butt though. Still anger that even today, these medicines still don't come with proper warnings as to what they truly do to people after extended use.

[sad1258]

I am supposed to be doing better...but why does this seem to get harder every minute..God help me PLEASE!!!  I am leaving the house with my daughter..going to the store..don't want to go but don't want to stay here...when will this dark, depressed, pit of your stomach empty feeling going away??????

[Dav125]

Never too far away Sad. You girls are doing great. I do have some busy stuff that needs attending to this week so if I seem to not be around, its because I'm off on road trips I may have to make. Thursday I go back to see the surgeon. For a checkup then an indepth conversation about where I need to draw the line on physical activities from here on out. I know sledgehammers and excessive bending over are definitely out :)