Aa
learning from mistakes
After a bad bad relapse i have learned my lesson. the hard way. I was very quite over the past two weeks. had alot of time to think. of everything. and rhe one thing I've learned that when your absolutely ready to quit your ready. until your ready you won't. One can talk about it. can whine about it. you can stick your head in the sand and forget about it. but until you dig deep into your soul you won't get it. it comes within. i replasedl hard. but i wouldn't get sucked back in. i wouldn't let the substance win.
The good thing about releasing is you know what to expect. you know the detox will be over after a week or so. followed by depression. but even that is short term. so when you think you've hit a wall or can't go on...you can. if you want to. don't make excuses. they won't work. don't justify. we can justify anything to our favor. Meetings will help. but in actuality you have to do the work. have to want it. i can't stress that enough. and if you focus on the negatives you won't get very far. at all. In fact the negatives dark feelings that come with withdrawls are nothing compared to the damage the pills or any drugs will do to your life. you can blame pain or weakness or whatever you want to for the reason we you and i take pills. the absolute hard truth is you are in complete control of what goes in your body. period. nobody holds a gun to your head and forces you to take a pill snort a line or stick a needle in your or my body. and when that clicks in your head....well you or me can do anything we or me sets our mind to.
I challenge you to do 60 90 120 days pill or substance free. the first time around you might not get it. the third time either...and that's ok. eventually you and me will get it. and then this becomes so easy. natural. practice makes perfect.
If you or me falls of the wagon. get back on. don't spend time beating yourself up. feeling that takes too much energy. and you and me need all the energy we can muster. so if your wanting off. great. If your struggling...keep pushing. nothing lasts forever. well one thing does....death. but all other things are temporary. remember that. we are not lost causes ....we just got lost...but we can find our way back. i jumped off of alot of oxys ....some days i was over 240 mgs ....yes i was sick. yes i was depressed. but after two weeks i feel good. so stop making exchange excuses and just do it.
Yes this is hard. The hardest thing i ever beat. but guess what?? Lots of people have beat this. remember your not alone. and sobriety is worth it.
The good thing about releasing is you know what to expect. you know the detox will be over after a week or so. followed by depression. but even that is short term. so when you think you've hit a wall or can't go on...you can. if you want to. don't make excuses. they won't work. don't justify. we can justify anything to our favor. Meetings will help. but in actuality you have to do the work. have to want it. i can't stress that enough. and if you focus on the negatives you won't get very far. at all. In fact the negatives dark feelings that come with withdrawls are nothing compared to the damage the pills or any drugs will do to your life. you can blame pain or weakness or whatever you want to for the reason we you and i take pills. the absolute hard truth is you are in complete control of what goes in your body. period. nobody holds a gun to your head and forces you to take a pill snort a line or stick a needle in your or my body. and when that clicks in your head....well you or me can do anything we or me sets our mind to.
I challenge you to do 60 90 120 days pill or substance free. the first time around you might not get it. the third time either...and that's ok. eventually you and me will get it. and then this becomes so easy. natural. practice makes perfect.
If you or me falls of the wagon. get back on. don't spend time beating yourself up. feeling that takes too much energy. and you and me need all the energy we can muster. so if your wanting off. great. If your struggling...keep pushing. nothing lasts forever. well one thing does....death. but all other things are temporary. remember that. we are not lost causes ....we just got lost...but we can find our way back. i jumped off of alot of oxys ....some days i was over 240 mgs ....yes i was sick. yes i was depressed. but after two weeks i feel good. so stop making exchange excuses and just do it.
Yes this is hard. The hardest thing i ever beat. but guess what?? Lots of people have beat this. remember your not alone. and sobriety is worth it.
Bama...I'm confused. You relapsed two weeks ago or are you talking about a long time ago or ?? You went to rehab,had surgery,got some pills prescribed and we all agreed that was not a relapse when you took them for pain...
Something happened after that? Was it related to the craziness with the family members a couple of weeks ago. Please bring me current. I feel like I missed something big with you and I feel badly about that...
Something happened after that? Was it related to the craziness with the family members a couple of weeks ago. Please bring me current. I feel like I missed something big with you and I feel badly about that...
Glad to see you back bama missed you! I relapsed myself and was able to turn it around after 10 days. I think your post hit the nail of the head. Lucky we are strong enough to get back on track before it was too late. I am getting stronger and wiser as I go. I had 4 months and blew it on one bad day. I guess we just never know what's in our future everyday is so different from the last. The ups and Downs of addiction are baffling. I'm just glad to hear your doing good again. How many days ago did u quit again? Hope we talk again soon. Take care bama
Hey girl! Your insight and self-awareness is inspiring and can only come from the phenonmenon of lived experience. I'm so proud of all who have the courage to disclose their relapse. It is difficult for me to post about it. Not so much out of embarassment...but because I don`t want to stumble anyone in any way. If we`re honest and share the thoughts and feelings that led us back to recovery then we can serve to help others. Lets face it, relapse is a very real part of addiction. It`s like the pink elephant in the room that nobody wants to acknowledge. We need to talk about it. Just because it happens it doesn`t mean that we should become emotionally crippled by it. Obviously preventing relapse is ideal but addiction is far from ideal. Our collective experiences can empower us as individuals. Falling off the wagon isin`t the issue. It`s how quick we dust off and jump back on that counts.
Bamma,
Hey girl, I was thinking about you this morning and BAM...Here you are...(: Listen, the road to recovery is LIFELONG. But the point is, you are alive so anything is possible! Keep practicing from a place of love darlin', and remember "We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves strong...The amount of work is the same." -Carlos Castaneda.
xo
Lu
Hey girl, I was thinking about you this morning and BAM...Here you are...(: Listen, the road to recovery is LIFELONG. But the point is, you are alive so anything is possible! Keep practicing from a place of love darlin', and remember "We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves strong...The amount of work is the same." -Carlos Castaneda.
xo
Lu
That's for sure mark. we all have to fight the rest of our lives. the road to recovery is soo long
Well folks.....don't know how much if anything I can add here, however I have been at this for a loooong time and have had long periods of success followed by long periods of failure...repeat...repeat....... I am still fighting my beast within as are all of you.......it soothes my soul somewhat to see the amount of pure honesty, compassion, humor, wisdom and even folly of people on this forum. Thank you to many here that have been so kind to offer their support and advice to me it has indeed strengthened me once again to charge back into battle.....much as my ancestors have for thousands of years before me...is victory assured??? No...but must I fight to the death if necessary......Yes....."it is what it is" Hoka Hey!!! Aho!.....peace to all..........
pilamaye kolas...
n8tiv_ndn
mark
pilamaye kolas...
n8tiv_ndn
mark
Well said. bkitty. well said. i started thinking when was this fun?? pills haven't brought me any joy or happiness for quite awhile. it was a very dark and lonely place in the end. extremely dark. But i know each day i stay away. i will get better. i want to be healthy again.
Its so hard in the beginning Bama because we are so used to feeling like sh*t all the time,,carry around guilt that we are addicts,,sneaking pills. It was like I had to reconnect with who I was and my life again. It was weird at first. Uncomfortable,,I had been using 8 years and in that peroid completely lost myself. It took some time to get used too,,it was hard in the beginning doing tasks and working sober. But I made the connection and now its a comfortable feeling. (not all the time) but 80% of the time. My mind is sharper,,I can focus and complete chores and tasks without having to take a pill in between to get me thru. It feels good for the most part~Bkitty
Yes. and it dawned on me what it must have been like living with so much anger and violence for my husband. what an abusive home he came from. but we cant choose when we are little. we can choose when we are older. and my moms coming home this weekend. she looked great Sunday
Yes bkitty when your done your done. after i ran out of all my med early. i blew thru a 30 day supply in 10..i felt like a stadium after a concert. alot of trash to clean up. i didn't want to talk to anyone. i went deep inside myself. i went thru two weeks of alot of feelings emotions i couldn't control. then Saturday i turned a huge corner. i went to six flags with my daughter and her friends. and that was the first sober day at an amusement park for me. i could barely walk back to my car....but i felt so good. i was like yes i can do this. and hopefully i will. finally a break thru. can't explain it. it just happened. i really really wanted off the meds ...and when your done your done. there's no more negotiating . no more complaining. no more romancing. its time to move on. it becomes so concrete and set in your mind ..the walls go up. the work begins and don't look back for a second
awesome I have not smoked since 2004 but...I still chew the nicotine gum lol glad you got some of them back I would not hang around anyone like that .Nutcases jeeex
We got some of our coins back....what a mess ...i turned my back on his family. They are really certifiable crazy. very toxic people. i don't need that in my life. i also quit smoking. using chantix ..i think the chantix set me in detox. i got so so sick off of it in the beginning. but i haven't smoked in two weeks now.
I was just thinking about you yesterday! Great post (((hugs))) I wish you the best of everything,,because we all deserve it. I know what you mean,,when your done you are done,,I felt a shift this time but my gaurd is always up as I have seen and witnessed first hand the power of this beast.~Bkitty
keep up the great work bama!! I just quit sugar 3 days ago and am "tapering on my nicotine gum so I am pretty much right with you as frazzled goes...did you ever get your coins back ? did you check the local coin or pawn shops ?
Thanks, Bama I needed to hear this. The depression has hit and I will fight it. It has always been a part of my life, but I seem to have lost the ability to deal with it as the pills hid it away from me for so long. I have to get thru the depression and deal with some stuff I had not dealt with while numbed. I wrote a journal note and my friends can read it if they want to. I hope to deal with the stuff that I was hiding from. I was hiding from my husband's mental illness and alcoholish, my late learned adoption, my kids growing up and so much more. I will stay clean this time. I have to learn how to fight for my sanity and my health. Thanks Bama for being my friend...in spite of your pain you always make me smile and want to hang in for another day!
Wise words there bama! I thiink sometimes, we kind of think someone else will tackle our addiction for us, and some day it will go away or we will just change over night and be drug free.If only it were that easy eh?
Relaspes can be very positive experiences as you have shown.Nice one bama!!
Relaspes can be very positive experiences as you have shown.Nice one bama!!
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