Not sure if im going to make it

[LifeisHell]

Hey guys, this is my first post. Im not even sure if im posting this in the right area.. im trying to post on the addiction substance abuse forums. Anyway, a little on my background.. Im a 25 year old guy whos been dealing with depression for about 8 years now. About a year and a half ago I found this pill called Tramadol. It was supposed to be a opiate like medicine that didn't have any withdrawls and wasn't supposed to be addicting. I had never been addicted to anything, I had tried almost all the RX painkillers and I loved them. They always made me feel awesome and made me feel like I was able to deal with life and anything that it threw at me. I enjoyed doing anything I was doing, if it was playing a video game, watching a tv show or even talking on the phone to people I normally find dull and boring. But I never had gotten addicted to anything because most of these pills were so expensive to buy that I couldn't afford them.

Well along comes Tramadol. I meet a friend of mine whos wife, mother, sister and brother all get scripst for the pills and normally sell them for $1 a pill. So I buy some and I take about 3 one night. My mind was blown.. I felt so amazing.. my dperession was gone, I could sleep, my RLS (restless leg syndrome) was gone and pretty much everything I had ever loved about opiate medications I had found in this cheap little pill. So time went by and I continuted to take them every day. 3 a day turned into 5 a day.. then that turned into 6 then into 7 then into 12.. Im now up to about 20 50 mg pills a day. I've been dosing with at least 7 pills a day for about a year and a month now and for the last 3 months i've been dosing with about 15-20 pills a day. I finally decided it was time to stop because I feel like im going insane. I cant afford them so I do crazy things to get them. Even when im on them, I don't feel like myself.. I haven't for a long time. So this is my first night without any and I feel like im going to die. (Sometimes maybe by my own hands or that of my makers) I've had chills, sweats, headaches, stomache cramps and severe pain, RLS is flared up like you wouldnt believe and the worst of all is the EXTREME depression. I did alot of research on WD's and tramadol and I was prepared for this.. I had even gone a few times in the past without the pills for a day or so.. So I knew what it was going to feel like. But I know now that I dont have the money to get anymore and that I cant do so. I have a doc appt. on wednesday to see about getting on suboxone but some people say some docs wont subscribe suboxone for tramadol WD. I dont know what im going to do, the depression is crushing.. I actually wrote a suicide not earlier tonight for my family, just in case I couldn't stop myself. I feel like my life has ended as I knew it and it will never return to normal. Nothing will ever be fun or worth doing again with pills. Thats the way I feel. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with the depressive side of withdrawls?

[LifeisHell]

Thanks for the message. I have done some extensive research on both trams and sub. I plan on getting on a short term, low mg dosage if that's what the doc thinks is a good idea. Don't let the fact that some people say trams are not very addicting and fairly easy to come off of fool you.  I think tramadol addiction and withdrawl is probably as bad as many other "much stronger" opioids. On top of that they throw a mood altering anti depressant agent into the cocktail that makes things even more complicated. Anyway, thanks again for caring to write. Please post again with any thoughts you have and god bless

[IBKleen]

You are going from Tramadol to Suboxone? Hun, I truly hope you have done your research on Suboxone before taking that leap. I wish you luck and hope you reconsider.

[dominosarah]

Do you have someone that can hold the pills for you?

[LifeisHell]

Well guys I regret to inform that I caved in and bought more pills. So I am feeling back to "normal" now.. I feel like a coward though. I admire you guys so much, those of you who have made it all the way through. You are truely brave. I hope to use these pills to taper down from the trams and then go through my 2 day mandatory WD so I can get on suboxone. I don't think I can do it any other way. God bless and thank everyone who wrote me the caring messages. They got me through the night!

[carson1975]

How r u doing? Just hang in there I'm going thought with draws to from opiates I relapsed so here I go again but maybe the er is the best place for u to go if your having those feelings. Everyone says it gets better' let's do this together we can feel like poo and talk about it then we"ll be clean and talk about it lol

[LifeisHell]

Thanks for all the replys. Im thinking I may visit the ER soon, im still awake and feeling worse by the moment. The thing that worries me though is that im getting really bad dizzy spells.. to the point of near blackouts. I always read about having seizures from tramadol but I was under the impression this was a side effect from overdosing. After doing more research it appears that quitting cold turkey can induce seizures as well and as I said, i've had pretty severe dizziness. As for all the nice replys, thank you all for the comments.. the help so much. I know this will get better eventually, just no matter how hard I try to wrap my mind around that, it dosen't help now. Anyway, I suppose i'll visit the ER soon.. though I feel terrible and I don't know how im going to find  the energy to drag myself down there, but I don't want to have a seizure. Thanks again everyone, i'll post more later.

[LeaAnn807]

Hi honey!  I stopped tramadol cold turkey in March.  It was horrible, so I do understand.  I was not suicidal though.  I really think that, in order to protect yourself, you need to get some medical help ASAP.  This is nothing to play with.  There is hope!  But don't wait until Wednesday to talk to a doctor!  

[laurel453]

Hi, Lifeishell, welcome here...

Tramadol is not my doc but from what i have read here .... you need medical help with it, you just can not stop cold turkey not because of the opiate component on it but from the antidepressant on it there is a risk of seizures and your dose is quite high, i would think.... A doctor will help you with a safe and a slow taper so you can be safe....^Please, be safe and do not lose hope !!

[jmv26]

I was on pain meds for a solid 2 years, when i stop i also got depressed. I used a natural over the counter mood inhance to boost my attitude its 5-htp. Detoxing will always be tough but you have to remember that you are making a life change and as time goes by you will feel more normal everyday. I think it is best you go speak to your doctor about this issue maybe your stoping to suddenly and that can be very difficult. I'm sure a doctor will be able to help you make this transition easier for you and you will get better results. Don't give up!!

[this_big]

Hello, I dont have any experience with tram, but i do have an idea of what your feeling. Your life has NOT ended. It DOES get better, and you WILL have fun again. Its the withdraw from the drugs making you feel this way. Is there anyone with you that you can talk with?