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16033163 tn?1444904819

need to help a friend off smack, subbies?

hope someone out there can help. I have recently fallen for a girl who I have found out has a serious heroin addiction. she predominantly smokes it but has occasionally injected. she really wants to get clean & I believe her as I can see the person behind the drug. she has a son who was taken away from her & needs to be clean to stand any chance of being involved in his life. this is her main motivation, another reason I know she means it.
She has asked if I can get her subbies to help her get off & I really want to help but need some advice.
should it be subutex or soboxone to start, will these actually help & how can I get them in the uk.
she doesn't want to go to the Dr's as this will admit to the authorities she is still using and put pay to any hope she has of seeing her son.
please help it's killing me seeing her hurting herself so bad every day & I know she is so much better than what she does.

thanks in advance
59 Responses
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317787 tn?1473358451
Hi sorry to be so late in commenting however does it take 2 weeks to get on Subs in the UK?  I have a friend who went to the doctor, she had to be in withdrawal, they started her on Subs right away, had her wait in a room to see how it worked, i.e. if it was enough.
Then she was required to go to counseling every week and also had to do monthly urine tests.  This was at first.  Then she started tapering.  I think she is on 2 mg now.
It seems awful that she has to wait two weeks to get help.  In the meantime how is she paying for the Heroin?  I guess the UK could be different in their health plans.  We have insurance here and then have to pay the difference.
You are a nice guy to try to help her, just don't jeopardize your children in the process
Take Care
Dee
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Excellent news! I wish you guys the best. She's a lucky girl she has you. She'll have a long hard road ahead but in the end she will be happy when her son is back in her arms for good :)
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16033163 tn?1444904819
well back from my hol with the kids and had a great time.
managed to get into the drug centre eventually where she spent almost 2 hours talking through her assessment.
at least now she is on track with a view to being prescribed in approx. 2 weeks.
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15290316 tn?1447023108
Hey Gazzat,

I've been following your story closely for the past few days. You definitely have a big heart!

So here's the thing. I don't have personal experience with heroin or subs, but I have a background in family counseling, and I wanted to share some thoughts with you.

You have this new relationship going where you are trying to help this girl. That's very admirable. But, you mentioned in one of your earlier posts that you are still with the mother of your kids. My thoughts are that you are playing with fire on this my friend. Should the mom of your kids find out what's going on, you are going to be in a rough situation, not only with her, but with your children. If she finds out that you are in a relationship with an addict (who lost custody of her own child), the mom of your kids is most likely going to book with your kids. Not only will the mother of your kids be hurt by your infidelity, she would have good reason to keep your kids from seeing you because of your new relationship.

Not sure how it works in the UK, but in the US, the mom of your kids could go before a judge and accuse you of being an addict yourself. A judge would see your situation as one where you must be using because you are with someone who is using. You would be guilty by association. The judge could suspend your unsupervised time with your kids because they wouldn't want your children to be around your new girlfriend. Child protective services (or whatever its called in the UK) can also open a case on you, and they will basically make you end things with your new girlfriend in order for you to retain custody of your children. You do not want them meddling in your life!

I don't want to scare you. I just don't want you to jeopardize your time with your kids. Whether your new girlfriend gets clean or not, I would advise you to figure out your relationship with the mother of your children first. You owe it to her and your children to either move forward or end it without the distraction of another woman. Your children deserve your attention first and foremost, and I don't want you to find yourself in a bad situation if you continue to devote yourself to this new woman and her problems with addiction.

I wish you the very best! You are a great person.  Don't let your kindness jeopardize your own well-being. Take care!

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16033163 tn?1444904819
thanks Bryuu11 I am in uk
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16033163 tn?1444904819
by phet I meant amphetamine she has used that to get through wd's before

thanks all really do appreciate your support xx
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1530493 tn?1410056636
lots of keys words there sweetie :)
Mentally...emotionally in a better spot.   Learned coping skills,  big one there !
Better chance at success :)
exactly what I saw with my son,  when he got serious.
subs are not for everyone,  many times replacing one drug for another absolutely, but if the commitment is there, lives ARE saved.
CONGRATS to you, you go momma....enjoy your precious child !!!!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Ive been on and off subs for a while and before i didnt use them correctly i hust had thek to tKe when i couldnt get high but this gonaround i ws prego so i got them from a dr took then as i was supposed to my baby didnt have any wds and for the last yr since then i have progressed better than ever! Right now my dr is tapering me off which is going fine...some ppl dont like the idea of maitenance drugs but for me they have helped so much. I totally get that eventually you have to come off and once in not taking any it may be a little hard but i am mentally and emotionally in a much better place to handle that now and thats what i like about them. It allows you to male the very mich needed changed in your life and obtain better coping skills so that when you do come off theres a better chance of success. Now this is hust my opinion based on my own life everyone has something that works foe then but for me the subs along with therepy and meetings and full effort on my oart have changed my whole life amd i  very greatful that i can now feel more at ease and enjoy my beautiful baby grow up! Good luck!
Helpful - 0
1530493 tn?1410056636
Hey gaz
phet.. ( fentanyl ?)  
If that's the case...it's a bandaide.
I give you an A + for effort my friend,  go with your kids focus on them,  try to enjoy your time with them.
She will need treatment, counsel, therapy...suboxone / vivitrol can work with profession help, she needs to be fully committed.
when you return from your trip...if she is willing and all for it.  I still say she deserves that chance.  If your receiving excuses ( tomorrow...I'll try this first ,because it worked before )  put your guard up.  It may have temporarily worked before, but the fact is...she still struggles.
you've been given amazing advice above.
never say never, but take ALL the above words in.
My BEST to you ....to she,  try to enjoy your week ok
keep us updated, as you can see...your not alone in this :)
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Avatar universal
Hi gazzat123,
I have seen many with heroin addiction and it's not that easy to get rid of it. The first thing is to get her accept that she can't manage her own life in this situation and should seek professional help. If she accepts it, just get her to the rehab. If you are from Canada then the Canada Rehab Reviews site ( http://www.canadarehabreviews.com/ ) reviews addiction treatment centres across the country. According to my opinion, without proper help it is less likely that she can get over heroin addiction.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
What is phet?

Gazzat, I'm gonna be a broken record: you are going to spend a week w/ your kids. Your CHILDREN. They need you. They need you in body as well as in mind. They need your attention and focus. Not saying you will ignore them, but you are so distracted by this lady. I urge to let this woman have whatever experience she will have. You don't want to help an addict...to death. Which means, doing things, even what seem like small things, to "help" her, when in fact you are just enabling her. All of us who got clean had to hit a rock bottom. And I think most, if not of all of us would say it's the best thing that ever happened to us. When the people we love were tired of us, we started helping ourselves.

Also, if she has kicked H before, but went back on it, she missed the most important part of all: recovery. Any addict can stop doing drugs. It's STAYING off drugs that's the work. And we do that by getting our stubborn arses into aftercare (meetings etc.)

I know you said that you couldn't find a Nar-anon. Then find an alanon. It's all the same. You can learn to not feel dread regardless of what she or someone else is doing. I don't mean to be harsh w/ you. Just seen it so many times. And being the addict myself, I want to share w/ you what it's like.

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16033163 tn?1444904819
thanks all for your support & the smile Deb.
worried how things are going to be next week as I am out of the country for a week with the kids. dreading what I may come back to!
she is talking of trying to kick it while I'm away using phet to get her through WD, which she has done before but I am not so sure about. anyone else tried this approach??
Gaz xx :)
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1827057 tn?1397520277
Nothing has ever weakened my constitution, or turned me into such a worm as did Heroin and opiates. I always wanted to quit but when it came to hour zero I would inevitably find just as compelling of a reason to postpone my intentions. I only quit when I ran out. We all run out sooner or later; we all quit one way or another.
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4522800 tn?1470325834
I have been following this post for some time now.

I just want to Wish you both the best!
YOU got all kinds of great info from all of the Above.
Just here for Support!

Bless
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1530493 tn?1410056636
Just sending a smile :)
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16033163 tn?1444904819
thanks yes have looked at naranon & couldn't find anything local.
yes we are both aware it is going to be a long process subs or not but the sooner she can get on them the sooner the process starts & the sooner she stops buying smack on the street.
I can see how serious she is & she knows she needs help with dealing with life & all it can through at you.
she saw her son yesterday & this has given her added strength/motivation. she is determined to get her son back & knows there is only one route to achieve this i.e. get clean.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Gazzat- Is this all to get subs? As Jethro stated earlier, the only thing subs will do for her is keep her from buying heroin off the streets. She will still have to go through detox and participate in aftercare whether that's outpatient, 12 step etc. Subs alone are not going to make her the girl that you are hoping for. She, like the rest of us, have a long road of learning how to face reality. I don't mean to be harsh, just want you to avoid surprises.

Again, have you looked into alanon or naranon yet? Imperative for anyone involved w/ a using addict. Also, there is a "Living with an addict" forum on here that would prob be helpful for you.

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16033163 tn?1444904819
well we did the drug centre Friday, they will not do anything until she is registered with a dr. so been to Dr's today registered but that's gonna take a week.
how hard it is trying to work through the system, no wonder so many fail. Hope we can both be strong enough to get through the waiting. Can see why people resort to street stuff to get started.
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1530493 tn?1410056636
GREAT NEWS Gaz !!!!!!
I hope you can be her strength...everyone deserves to be loved !!!!
Will be looking forward to your updates :)
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16033163 tn?1444904819
All,
Actually got to the drug centre Fri, seems like she does really want to be clean. Over to the docs followed by the drug centre again Monday, hopefully anyway.
Thanks for all your advice & support.
If/when we sort the subbies programme I'll let y'all know
Gaz x

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Avatar universal
Gaz That's fantastic news! Treatment will help her physically and mentally. Just be warned if she takes the suboxone route that she only stay on it for a couple months. It is made up of a opiate blocker and an OPIATE! She can't get high off it. If used correctly it will be to her advantage. For myself, I was on it way too long. Err on my doctor and myself. After a year when I wanted to get off it, it took almost a year to taper. Then I did have bad, not horrible, wds. I hope that helps a bit. Good luck and keep us update :)
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1530493 tn?1410056636
Gaz.
What ever you choose to do...just know we're here for you.
There is no right or wrong , time will tell where you need to go with this relationship
my best to you & she :)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
P.S- You have a great opportunity to protect yourself right now. Your plan is going to the drug center tomorrow. The addict's mantra is "I'll do it tomorrow." I mean, what is stopping her doing it today?

So just be prepared that this may not workout the way you plan tomorrow. Have a back up plan for yourself. And get to a meeting!!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Gaz- you "detach w/ love" to preserve your sanity. That means, you can love her w/o being involved in her addiction.

You see how you were ready to give up on humanity? That's life w/ an addict (a using one.) It's called cunning, baffling, and powerful. That's what addiction is. Again, for your sanity, because that's what matters here, please please go to an Alanon or naranon meeting. I've been in alanon and it will completely change your thinking. You can feel sane. I can't say this strongly enough.
Helpful - 0
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