I need help...

[SouthCarolinaGirl2664]

Hi:) I'm Karen. I don't know how usefull posting my problems on here will be, but I'm going to give it a try. To get to the point, I have had an addiction to pain killers for about 8 years and I've tried over and over to quit but I always relapse. I find it's getting harder and harder to stay clean. I've been to the methadone clinic 3 times and it always hurts me financaly. I tried suboxone and did great on it, I just couldn't stay on it long because of the cost. I'm trying to detox at home this time and I don't know if it's going to work. I have no clue how to beat this, if anyone is out there who has been on pills and has overcome this addiction any help or advice would be reallt great!!! I just want to be a good mother to my two year old and live a normal life. I'm 26 years old, and pills is all I know, it's become such a big part of my life that I really don't know how to change, and the withdrawls are killing me. My body is used to getting any where from 30mgs to 200mgs per day, whatever I could get my hands on, so if there's anyone out there, PLEASE HELP!! Thank you.

[minn66]

Hi Karen,

Try not to think of what might happen. I tend to overthink things and analyze them to death. I am working on redirecting my thoughts when I start to do that. I have heard it at NA and have read it a lot here, just take one minute, hour, and day at a time. All we have is today, right now, this moment. Of course one should always guard one's sobriety, yet worrying about whether you will relapse will just cause anxiety.

It sounds like you are getting the help you need. Great idea to get your bf to distribute your meds. Please keep posting and good luck :)

[IwillDoThis]

Hey Karen - thanks for the update.  I guess who you will be in 10 years is entirely up to you.  Yes lots of people relapse, multiple times but usually the people who have long term clean time will tell you it wasn't until something clicked within them that they finally got and stayed clean.

I'm just in my baby stages, I'm 76 days clean of hydros and it feels great.  I can't speak for the future but to say that in my mind pills are no longer an option but I know anyone can relapse  so I guard my sobriety.  Using is a choice and you either choose to turn back or you choose to walk forward.  I'll manage the pain through all the new techniques I've learned and will learn.  I had some nasty cravings last week but I fought through them because I like who I am without pills.

You said you love who you are pill free and that is great that you feel that way, at least you know.  Many here don't even know or remember what that feels like.

I think if you put your all into being sober, guarding it and growing as a person then you can only just get better.  We may fight it the rest of our lives but it doesn't have to be a death sentence or  a dread of relapse.  Take it as it comes, move ahead with your d&a counseling as some after care is really important.

I'm glad you are here, stick around and post!

[steve1220]

hi karen and welcome !!! theres not to much i can say that hasn'tbeen said already just want to let ya know you have found the right site just keep reading you'll find that ut real quick give the people on here a try there hard to get away from there just like you and i !!! nothing means more to the most of us than to help you get off these dam pills we were all there once good luck and hang in there girl this can be done

[SouthCarolinaGirl2664]

And I began using back in 04' foe no reason at all. My then mother-in-law would just give them to me and I loved it. I didn't realize till it was to late what I had done to myself. If only I knew then what I know now, right??

[SouthCarolinaGirl2664]

Thank y'all so much for all the support! Yes, I have been at this for a long time, it's like my entire adult life pills have been a problem, like 2nd nature to me. I have gotten to where I can go through the withdrawls, I just try not to think about it so much, I take otc drugs and just try to stay busy. And I love myself without having pills in my system, but then I get the point where I have so much to do or my body just starts hurting and I end up using to get rid of a headache of just to have that extra energy boost. I decided to get help through D&A counceling. They can help me pretty much rewire my brain and get me thinking differently, which is what I need...I don't want to be on any meds period. But I just want to know if it's possible to do so?? I have seen people on here who have been clean for long periods of times, but then end up relapsing....I'm just wondering if everything I'm about to go through is going to be helpfull, or in ten years am I going to be in the same position I'm in now? And I was doing good for about 2 weeks and I relapsed a few days ago from stress...I'm getting surgery on my hand tomorrow which I'm letting my boyfriend take charge of how many pills I'll be taking..because I know I'll take to much if I get ahold of them. And then after i recover from surgery I'll start a ten week program with D&A 3 hours a day, 3xs a week. And I'll be in counceling foe a while. I just pray this all works because I am honestley just tired of it all.  

[notme42long]

Karen you have made the decision to stop. That all it takes. You can do it! Get control of your life. The w.d.'s are a bummer but thinking about,planning ,money does spent, getting clean is not nearly as hard or dangerous. This  site    will help you get thru this .communicate your question feeling the people
here are kind and always willing to help.
Karen i am 22 days clean from hydro (Doc) oxy's (st.)
I read and post 24/7 for the first several days
Be strong you can do this communicate we are all support you

[whatwillittake]

i felt the same way about posting my problems on here, but did it anyways. i'm so glad i did i am 5 days clean now and pretty much over the withdraws. i think and hope. i just though i owed it to every that let me read theirs. i was coming here every hour for support by just sitting back and reading every one else problems with this. i think we are going the the same thing. i am really new to this and don't yet know how to help you, hell i'm learning too. but will be glad to chat with you anytime you want. there is no better place to be then here when thoses caving start coming back.

you can do it, i know because i did it.

[4slenderthread]

Hi there Karen!

    First of all, I would like to say "WELCOME" to medhelp! I found this site completely by accident more than 5 years ago, when I needed information and support. Now I try to answer new posts, because I want to give back the help and concern that I was given. As far as the answers you may receive here -  I believe in taking what you need and 'leaving' the rest.I have discovered that if you read the posts of other members, you will find your own 'story' as well.
   I am sorry that you are having a hard time of it. My own addiction began back in 88.'  I started off with oxycodone (vicodin) for back problems and then percocet, morphine - and then finally oxycotin ER. I was in 'la-la land' until 2007, when I decided (because of medhelp) to go into rehab and get clean. I wanted to know what my pain truly was. You didn't mention why you began using. Was it for pain originally?
   When I was in rehab, it was my first time, so I didn't have any idea what to expect. They got me off the oxycotin by using suboxone - I slept for 5 days. I was discharged on my 8th day and figured that I was all better! I ended up going into a very nice local hospital afterwards and they sent me home with a prescription for suboxone. I didn't know anything about that medication. I had no clue (until I researched it later here at medhelp) that sub was addictive as well. I was very upset that all that had been done to me, was changing one opioid for another.
   I had to detox off suboxone - but I used methadone to do it. Yes, big 'no-no,' I was only taking 10mg. of methadone each day - but I had been taking it for nearly 2 years when I decided that enough was enough and I HAD to get off that as well. I was scared what I would go through ... but I just stopped taking it ... I got very lucky and had no withdrawls whatsoever.
   That is my story, as brief as I can make it. As you can see, I DO understand what you are going through. I'm so-o glad that you are taking this leap of faith (so to speak,) in order to be a better mother and to find out how much better life can be without the narcotic's! You are a young woman with the quality of so much more life ahead of you. Drugs may be all you have known for so long now ... but you obviously want more than that ... you certainly deserve better! If I could do it with all my fear and anxiety - you can. You most definitely CAN!
  Just remember that it has taken 8 years to get deep into this addiction - now you need to be kind and patient with yourself as you turn in a different direction! There are so many people in recovery here - and we have ALL been exactly where you are at this moment! No matter how hard it may be, please keep coming back and reaching out ... you will always find someone reaching back!
   Please send me a note or a message any time you'd like - I would like to stay in touch ... Take care Karen!                                      ~ Stacy ~

[minn66]

Hi Karen and welcome to the forum. I am glad you posted your story. You aren't alone in this. Iwill's post pretty much covered what I would say. We are here for you and will help any way we can. You do need to determine what did not work in the past. One of the hardest things I had to accept is that I needed help. I couldn't do it on my own. I talked with a very good friend who is in NA and I began going too. I also am beginning one on one counseling. I have been opiate free since November, 2011. It is difficult, as you no doubt know, but it can be done. I still have rough days due to chronic pain issues but have found alternate ways to cope with it. Finding ways to deal with pain or stressors and having a plan for it will definitely help. I also can't begin to tell you how wonderful the people on this site are. They have certainly helped me through many a trying time.

I do hope you keep posting. We're here.

Minn

[IwillDoThis]

Hey Karen - welcome. You have found a great place to get support.  Most of on here are addicted to pills and understand where you are.  I know it can be a scary place but I want to tell you if you want off pills more than anything else you CAN do it.  I'm 65 days hydro free today off a many year habit.

Did you taper down dosage, did you cold turkey?  How long since your last pill?  Withdrawal is different for everyone but usually 2-3 days are the worst and then days 4-5 you just feel week and tired from lack of sleep and then it starts physically getting a little better.  Make sure you have immodium to stop the trots, Gatorade/water/juice to hydrate and take as many hot showers as your water heater will allow - that helped me a lot.

As you know quitting is easy enough, it is the mental part of this that we struggle with.  What do you plan to do differently this time?  The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.  With that thought - can you: go to n/a meetings? get some counseling?  Just a thought but it sounds like you need to focus on how you'll tackle this and keep from relapsing.

Post here often, this is such a great supportive group of people!  Just wanted to say hi, welcome and there IS hope - you just really have to want it and be serious about not giving in when the going gets rough.

Hang in there!