I almost lost it today

[Clm1974]

So I'm on day 10 which is the longest I've made it in the past 4 months of trying to quit crystal meth but I came dangerously close to falling off the cliff again today. I've been trying to do everything right but I guess it's true that we are all perfectly imperfect. I've cut all my using ties, been attending meetings almost daily, and spending lots of time on this forum. The encouragement and support I have behind me is amazing including my family. So what went wrong today? I got this awesome idea to check my Facebook for the first time since day 1 and sure enough there was a message from a using buddy asking if I needed anything. Well that one simple thing sent me dangerously close to justifying "one more time". Hell I'll be honest. If it wasn't so late in the day already I'm not sure I wouldn't have given in. Luckily I went to a meeting this morning and heard some things that helped me hang on at least for today. I've decided to go back to the original plan where Facebook is off limits for me! At least for a while till I'm stronger. Just for today. That's what I keep hearing in my meetings. I read a great blog right before I decided to quit called Are you Hanging by a Thread?  Well yes I am! In the blog there was this awesome iceberg metaphor that talked about feeling cold and alone but being built with layers of wisdom and experience so the iceberg won't sink. All of you and my new NA friends are those layers right now and I'm so thankful.

[lild713]

Good job bro! They don't care they just want our "Money" don't care if we broke or not selfish people. I know I never did meth but every people are like that and sadly even your old "Bestfriend" that starts doing it and gets selfish which I cut off also.

[OxyTired]

Very inspiring words! You were tempted by the demon and turned the other way staying clean! Thats powerful! It also served to remind me that temptation can come at any time, and threaten our precious new clean lives. This a victory for "The Guard Was Up"!!

[Clm1974]

Wow thanks so much for all the words of encouragement! I wasn't focusing on the strength of my day today but on the failure I felt at coming so close to a relapse. Jeff I really liked what you said as well about my family and how they are building trust in me again and I don't want to disappoint them. That was spot on! My addiction has brought out the worst in me for so long and I've been so self centered that I didn't even think of that in the moment. Learning to love myself again is one of the biggest challenges I'm facing. So much guilt and regret to overcome. But I know my addiction wants nothing more then to pull me down. One person at my meeting today really put it in perspective. It's about choosing life or death. Today I choose life. Thanks again to all of you!

[Amandag78]

Hey, congratulations on 10 days clean still. Good on you for having the strength to fight another day. As i said before, crystal meth is an extremely hard drug to stay away from, but your hard work and want for change will see you through to the other side. Good on ya : )

[jugglin]

What an inspirational post!  Be proud of yourself...you are 10 days clean, you're going to meetings, you had the strength to say no and recognized your facebook trigger.  You are fighting and taking the steps you need to live a clean life...a better life!  Woohoo to you!  

[Frankenkristin]

Wow man, congrats, you're a stronger man than I, seriously awesome there

[odaat1]

Good on you!!!  I had to come off facebook, as there were many triggers for me there.  Good for you for good choices!!!!

[meegWpaw]

wow you are doing great!  TEN DAYS, the longest you have made it in four months!  that is a gigantic victory, it's so hard to stay away from that stuff.  i'm so proud of you!  and I think staying off facebook is a great idea.  I know it's hard but you're doing a super job ...

[ariley13]

Good for you for making it through this! You made it through without using, figured out what triggered you, and are avoiding similar situations in the future. You played this brilliantly and are stronger for it. A huge congrats to you on your 10 days clean! Keep on fighting and keep moving forward.

[Jeff50193]

Wow i totally understand, i havnt used in well over a year, and i still get those msgs on my phone,"hey bro you needing or know anybody that is?" I just shrug it off and realize how far iv come since quitting that awful drug! I have a girlfriend that wouldve never been with me knowing the old meth user me! Speedy,Untrustworthy, theiving, carpet surfing piece of crap i was! Lol  just think of how everyone in your life that is gaining trust back for you, and very proud of you for taking this jump would feel if you used again! Besides the way youd look down on yourself for it! It gets better, i promise! Stay strong