not doing well.....God help me....

[kimmieb]

hi all.  i've only been doing this for not quite 24 hours so i'm not even into the worst part of it yet from what i read.  this is pure he-- for sure.  i can honestly say i have no idea how ALL of you people have done this.  i'm most scared of the fact that i have two young children and a puppy and a house and my husband leaves town in just a matter of hours and is gone for the next 3 days and 3 nights (when i'll be the worst,  i take it, right?)  how in the world am i going to do THAT????  plus, the worst thing i'm experiencing right now besides just the chills and sweats, is a pounding, thudding right occipital lobe headache/migraine that is overhhelming and makes me want to take a sledgehammer to my head.  if i didn't have kids, i'd ask the good Lord to take me right this very instant.  i know i'd be better off.  seriously.  no one should have to go through this.  i took 4-6 lortabs a day. even someone taking 20-30 tabs a day shouldn't have to be put through this.  it's insane.  there's GOT to be a better way.  i know we have to do through the deepest darkest valleys.......but........   do we ALL come out the other side healthy and free of pain?????  i'm sincerely beginning to doubt it, really.  and i've been reading and posting here like crazy, so i'm not just saying this out of the blue with no knowledge behind me.  please help me.  anyone.  God, are you there?????  last night i couldn't stop sobbing uncontrollably.  didn't matter how much i tried, couldn't stop.  bad.  very bad.  made the headache even worse.  i have NO idea how i'm going to get up,showered, dressed and drive to my 2:00 dr. appt. today.  i look like i have the bubonic plague or even worse.  no exaggeration.  how do you go out into the world at this point in wd's????  has anyone ever done that before, less than 24 hours into it, or say 26 hours into it???? please help.  you all are simply awesome and i have nothing but respect for each and every one of you,no matter where you are in your journey.  hands down.  God bless  you all each and every day of your life's journey.....   K.

[mimi1313]

Kimmie I'm so sorry. I can feel your pain in your post. The worst will be over in another 4 days. I know its really hard but you CAN do it. I had the headache too and I took advil. A lot. I guess tapering is out of the question? It does lessen the withdrawals but it also prolongs them. I can only suggest looking up the Thomas recipe, taking a lot of hot baths and drinking a lot of fluids. It will be over soon. I know how hard it is. Take vitamins and try to eat. it will be hard.

I wish you the best of luck and please keep posting, It really helps.

Melissa

[dove3053]

I had a hard time getting out of bed and showering too. I would have another cigarette to stall it but them get up and get a shower and I would feel better. I couldn't even look in the mirror for fear at how bad I looked. I have been clean for almost 2 weeks and I thought I could never do it.

Dove

[Flutterby111]

Somehow I went to Chuck E. Cheese on day 2 of W/D's ....I don't know where you live, or if you know what that is but let's just say it's a kids' heaven, adults hell on a normal day.... I hung my head and almost cried several times.  you might need some help with the children....can you ask your mom? sister? brother?  friend?  and if you can't confide in them the truth tell them you have the flu and need help with the kids?  You can handle this...it sucks, don't get me wrong.  I swear, I had a great support from a girl I've never even met in person, and had I known this place existed in the midst of W/Ds I'd been here...But you know we're here.  Turn on some good cartoons, order some pizza for the kids and pour tons of food and water for the dog....because it might be a rough one.  But YOU WILL SURVIVE.  Trust me, I just did it.  

[toxictome]

I'm sorry this is happening...is there anyone that can come and help w/ the kids while your hubby is gone??? CAn you plead the flu? Can someone drive you to the Dr. appt?
Refresh my memory..did you taper or ct?
We are here....and i know this IS HARD>>>>>I didn't leave the house for 2 days...and my wds were minimal..it was more the emotional part. Hang on...more people should be posting...

[lostmarbles]

oh i have alump in my throat reading your post.. you are doing this because you know it's the right thing to do... when I started w/d I looked like the back end of a bus had gone over me after I been dragged through the bushes and pushed over in poisonous ivy.. i know it's rough and I'm sorry you are doing this alone.. by the time you are over the worst w/d's your hubby will be back and you will feel and look like a new person but in the meantime if you have to cry, then cry... have a bath - have several.. tell your kids mummy has flu, drink hot drinks, massage your temple...you just have to keep trying darling.. but I do promise that you WILL get through this and you WILL get better.. it is just the first few days and IT IS WORTH IT... God is here.. and you will find the strength to do this, you are doing it already.. you are posting and sharing what you are going through.. I expect to see a post next week saying you feel much better, but in the meantime have faith and pray... I am not overly religious and have often not even thought  of God and I felt bed that i started praying when I was really terrible with the w/d's... but it did work... just try...we are all here for you.. think about it.. if you started on the meds again you would have to go through all this again!!!! Do you really want that? I don't think so..... pm me if you would like to, im here..

[dig13]

its hard.
my love left me, not because of the drugs, just because he said he wasnt in love with me, moving 2500 miles away. my friend cannot handle my wdls. i live bymyself with my dog. Its a bad time to get off.................BUT in NEAR future you will have a clearer head. You have a doc. that is good. I dont and am very scared that Im not doing this carefully. the people on here are great even if they cant get to you right away. this is a good site. Im tapering and its been less thana  week. Ina few days you will feel better. Epson salt baths seem like a miricle worker. See if you can get holistic tranquil pills from the health food store.  I have been drinking rockstars, I dont kow if this is good, but they have B6 and give me enough energy. Hang IN THERE. YouWILL feel better like these people told me I would feel.
much love from the clearer side,
dig13

[LuluDavis]

Oh gosh, I wish I could help.  I have been reading here all weekend, helping my husband through his withdrawal from oxy.  Is there anyone you can call, to come and stay with you while your husband is away?  

A couple of things that are helping my husband...  

1.  Prayer.  We have prayed together several times, and it has helped.  God will help you, and He is there for you always.  

2.  Drink a lot of water, and also Gatorade.

3.  Rest when you can, nap when you can.

4.  Lots of hot showers.

5.  Find a book to read, it helps you escape your thoughts.

I am sorry you are having such a tough time, and I will pray for you.

[gizzy32]

im so sorry you feel like this now, but i promise you it will be worth it. hang in there and its normal to cry cause there are so many emotions taking over. don't let this fear bring you down, i know you can do this. keep posting and stay strong, the worst should be over in 4 or 5 days, and you will feel a lot better.

[kimmieb]

i can hardly type this because my eyes are so blurred with tears.  the compassion on this page is unbelievable.  where does all of this come from?  you cannot TELL me that God is not living right here, right now in each and every single one of you.  i am not "relilgious" in the sense of the word.  i am a christian, believe in the bible, etc.  believe that each and every one of us is the hands and feet of Christ.  that said, you are all awesome.  don't see yourselves short on whether or not you pray, etc.  God is helping me THROUGH you.  anyway, back to my struggles.  no, unfortunately, no one to come help.  mom i'm not close to.  mom in law, who i am close to, lives far, far away.  sister has 5 kids of her own and watches kids (daycare) so that's out.  good friend down the street has 3 sick kids of her own at home.  i'm really scre---.  i got myself into this.  i can't get myself out.....except with help from SOMEBODY, you guys? God?  i don't even know if I WANT to do this anymore.  scary, huh?  i'm sure that's scary as he-- to hear on this forum.  and whomever mentioned chuck e cheese, bless  your dear heart, yes, i have two young kids, i know the place well.  how in the world you survived that place on day 2 i'll never know.  i couldn't do it.  not for all the tea in china.  i think, truly, physically i feel like sh--, i'm sweating profusely but so cold.  but,the emotional part is the worst right now, besides the headaches.  i just want to sleep all the way through this!!!!!!!!!!  anyone ever done that before?????  tell me how?!  i think i'm going to be sick. it's hard to type, so hard.  how to people stay on this forum during this time.  i want to, because I want to let all of you awesome people know i'm getting  your posts and reading each and every single one of them and letting them sink into my pores like it's my own lifeblood.  but, so hard.  soo soo hard.  my headache is returning.  less than 3 hours before i need to be at my dr.  that means in a little over an hour i have to force myself into the shower.  just the thought of lifting a blowdryer to dry my hair is overhwelmingly horrifying.  heavy as a sledgehammer.   my husband is downstairs with the kids.  not a one of them has even come up in the past 4 hours to ask if i needed anything.  shouldn't complain though.  they didn't get me into this.  i did.  would just be nice to have someone, ANYONE concerned enough to bring me some tea or coffee or broth or something.  can't eat though.  so hungry....  so exhausted.....  so doubtful this is going to work.....   man, to those of you who are reading this on the other side of this he--, WAY TO GO!!!!!!!!!!    you have nothing but my utmost respect and gratitude.  moms, dads, students, street junkies, accountants, architects, nurses, mental health workers, office workers, businesspeople.....this  disease doesn't discriminate among ANYONE.  period.  God bless you all.....  I do need help.  Badly.  thank you for offering.....

[gizzy32]

you asked where this compassion comes from, well it comes, because we have been there also, we know the pain, the emotions and the feeling like we are losing our minds. we have felt crippled and beaten by this disease and understand your pain. we care about you and we will support you and help you get through this. i feel so much compassion for those suffering with this disease it makes me sick sometimes because it can be so painful, BUT soon that pain will go away and what you will feel is joy. right now it is tough, but i believe in you and soon you will look back at this post and thank god you are free. please stay strong, i am proud of you

[Flutterby111]

Chills and tears.....that's what you brought to me....god the hell I felt going through what you are right now.  That was my reality last week...one week ago today I sat in this very work seat sweating porfusely, I missed the next two days of work-couldn't do it.  BUT HERE I AM. ... I did it.  YOU CAN DO IT HONEY!  I promise you WILL survive.   I have 2 small children.  4 months and 5 years.... mommie had the flu is what they heard....  my son asked why I was crying so much...I had to put it in terms he would understand so I said "you know how sometimes you cry when you want to play the Wii and you can't?  Well mommie wants to sleep soooo bad but I can't, that's why I'm crying"  then he said, well I'm allergic, so please stop....I can laugh now, but it wasn't funny then.   A MILLION XOXOXOXO to you.....  I'm not overly religious either, but I"m praying for you....

[kimmieb]

thank you.....it's all i can muster right now....thank you from the bottom of my old heart....  thank you.....k.

[lostmarbles]

right missy, you have me in tears now.. but it's all good, it's good to cry, get it out of your system.. If I could have I would have shouted the house down when I was in your situation but couldn't because of my girls and the neighbours, and the dog!! keep osting you are doing a fab job of that and keep sharing your feelings, emotions, your fears.. we are all here for you, always.. how old are your kids? can they make mummy a cup of tea? can you ask them? maybe your hubby has told them that mummy is sick and needs her rest, maybe that's why they have not come to you... it's just a thought..The pain will go in a couple of days, right now you are being governed by the w/d's and the pain of it all.. but it will pass, i promise you.. i thought i was dying Kimmie when I was going through it, honestly.. I remember I wrote that I just wanted to crawl out of my skin, I wrote that I was in a hell hole and I couldn't see the woods through the trees. I looked how I felt and then suddenely after a few days i could see... you know, really, really see, and smell and touch and taste and no pain.. it was like a bloody miracle.. AND I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS KIMMIE.. i know this because I did... we are all here for you, listening to you and wanting so much to take away your pain but we cant.. we are however here to support and understand and help you... Bless you Kimmie.. you will definately be in my prayers tonight darling

[cathy5841]

KIMMIE, MIMMIE, KIMMIE, PLEASE HOLD ON...this will pass, it will seem like forever, but in reality it is only about 5-7 days of the rest of your life.  you will be so glad you did hold on when you get to the other side.  you will be healthy, you won't be counting pills, you will think with a clearer head.  you and your family deserve a sober you.  try excedrine miagraine headache pills, i swear by them.  i have taken every narcotic and nonnarcotic for them and the excedrin works.  i about an hour the headache will be gone.  soak in hot water to warm-up then use a heating pad or electric blanket...it feels soooo good.  i will be praying for you and hang tight...try to stay connected to the forum it keeps your mind occupied.  we believe inyou now believe in yourself.
cathy

[Imtired]

YOU are the strong one here.  I'm in awe of your determination (as with the other posts I read of moms with young kids).  I have childeren as well, but much older. I'm at the end of day 6, almost day 7.  I could tell by day 3 that there was light at the end of that dark tunnel.  The sweating is horrible! I totally agree! The chills are worse!  But the toxins are working there way out. Drink as much water, juice , HOT TEA was my savior. Every pain you have is getting you that much closer to the end. ELECTRIC BLANKIE on at all times to keep you warm. Or a heating pad.  My puppy loved that part. She'd sleep for hours on it.  Kept her happy, let me sleep as well.  Keep clean dry(warm out of the dryer is best) clothes next to you while you sleep for those times when you wake up soaked. (I had to change my clothes sometimes twice a night).  EmergenC powered vitamin C helped tremendously. I drank so much of that, I don't ever want to taste it again.
Hang on. I know it's terrible. IT WILL PASS AND IT WILL GET BETTER

[lucyred68]

long hot baths, multi-vitimins and minerals, get some help from your dr. today.  There are a lot of things they can do to help, meds they can give you to make it easier.  sleep aids, short term valium, clonidine and something for the restless legs.  get some immodium for when the diahrea gets so bad you would dehydrate without it and drink lots of fluids.  grape juice was the only one i could drink. there are non-narcotic helps for migraines too.  have the dr. load you up with samples.  i'll be praying for you, hun.  you can do it.  just remember it's just like a really bad flu and it will be over in just a few days.

Lucy

[watermom]

Kimmie.....I am not going to lie....with two kids it will not be easy.  I had help and it wasn't easy....but you CAN do this.  You HAVE to do this.  My son was sick through this and i had to take him to the doc...I was all sweaty and I had to have my mom carry him because i was so weak.  I do understand and I wish somebody could help you.  Can you tell somebody you have the flu and need help?

For the headache I took Naproxsyn  (I know the occipital lobe headaches are the worst)  :)      They really are.  Take baths...LOTS of baths.  Follow the thomas recipe.  I also went to jumba juice (since I had to be out) and got a $6 drink...yes...$6 drink. I got the biggest one they had and loaded it with all the supplements. It helped me not feel so dehydrated.  

I did take flexeril........and I did take something for anxiety (ativan)...some people on her say not to....but I had to with two kids....I was a mess and had to have some nerves left for them.  As long as you don't take to many and only for a couple of days.  You can do this without them and if you think you can then do it..........But that is what I did.  

The chills are horrible I know.....I don't know what to say about those besides taking baths.....

Try to eat something and drink lots of fluid....like everyone else is saying.  There are some saavy people on here.

This will pass my friend....it will.  Please PM me if you like and I will be happy to listen. I am on day 8 and feeling much better......you are doing the right thing........and the bubonic plague look will go away.

Oh and yes...all the vitamins and aminos really help.

[allaboutmary]

I so want to reach into the computer and hug you !  I can truley feel the postive energy everyone is sending you right now. You have described your pain so well that I think we are all actually feeling it.  We have been there and know the hell your in.
Can you get some Clonodine from your doctor. It will help.  Please keep going and get this over with.  Print your post on paper and carry it with you when your done with this.  If you ever have a craving to use again, read it.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.  Hang in there. Stay strong !  You can get through this.  HUGS      Mary

[feohmoon]

My heart goes out to you...I know those symptoms all too well...and as you know, it will pass...you will feel great - That doesn't help at all right now though.
Epsom salt in your hot baths will do wonders.  Also, calcium, magnesium and zinc need to be added to your list of vitamins.  And, even though you cannot imagine doing this....exercise, nothing too intense, even a short walk will help.  
Everyone is here to support you...what a great reward must come with such a challenge,
My fiance and I are coming off methadone, here in a couple of weeks I will be on your end.
It gets better...
Set short term goals - I swear my fiance and I make a paper chain and remove a link daily...it doesn't sound like a big deal, but it seems like such an accomplisment.  Make an hourly one if you need to!  
And, of course, you know everyone is here to help. You can do this!!!!

[BOLD FOR JESUS]

do you take medicine for your migraines? addie

[Britney83]

please write us and let us know how you are doing.  I remember all too well being in your shoes.  I quit cold turkey methadone on october 5 and by october 12 the flu seemed like a million dollar vacation in comparison.  Please stay strong.  I know how hard it is.  I have an 8 month old baby and a fiance in med school so i had to basically do it alone as well.  ANd yes it was "hell on earth" but the sun will come out soon.  i know how you feel about wanting someone to just care a little even tho the fault is your own.  People don't understand that when withdrawing you physically become sick.  A lot of them believe that it's is just an addiction like....i dunno....like being addicted to wanting to brush your teeth every time you eat.....they don't understand that it is one of the most painful things your body go's through when you stop.  My fiance who i already told you is in med school didn't even understand. ANd i thought for sure that with his education he of all people would....so don't lose hope...help them understand....my sweetie got on the forum and researched methadone withdrawl to better understand where i am coming from....just a thought.....please write back.....brit

[worried878]

cool ...so glad u r hanging in there...kimmie...u can do this...I am perceptive and I could feel it in our eamils...just a bad day...And yes I got out the first day   just for 2 hours but I made it...I felt better once I did...hang in there

[kimmieb]

i am 36  hours going clean.  never been here before....so tired right now....but will try to post more tomorrow....it's another day!

and THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to everyone here who read my post and reached out with a compassionate heart and hand to help

you are so very special AND appreciated.....all of you.....

will post tomorrow when fingers are working better, ok

in the meantime, blessings to all....and to all who are still in this fight, whether it be day one of wd's, day 3, day 13, day 30 or day 300......hang in there!!!!!!

more tomorrow....

love you all,
kimmie

[Imtired]

Hey!  Good to see you posting!  You've come along way, and it will get better.  Counting the hours will turn into couting days before you know it. I was thinking about you yesterday.  Hope things are a little easier for you today. I know it's hard. But you have found strength to fight this. Have you had some help with the kids?