Happy after opiates!!

[Heavenawaits817tx]

Hello all I'm new here, and I would like to have a app where I can discuss my addict mind with!! Anyways a little about me (not to sound conceded) but I was a football star hear in Texas, and I was being offered scholarship to schools such as TCU, north Texas, Arkansas and texas A&M. Life's good right? Well as many of yall know athlets do train hard but also PARTY hard. I was very social have a great family basically had it all going for me. I signed with TCU and dominated as a freshman did really good, felt great about life nothing could bring me down. BOOOOM sophmore year get clipped in mid air as I tried to catch the ball. The game stopped for a bit to get me off the field so the game can go on as does life.. Anyways broken leg, messed up back (couldn't put shoes on) it was that bad. Needless to say my full ride scholarship fell to half ride, TCU is 50k a year on the low estimate so half ride wasn't an option. So I'm now out of college and hurt, im prescribed pain killers hydrocodien 10mg, took it only as prescribed for the PAIN. Then as months passed and I had to cope with a new life style without football the only thing I know, those hydrocodiens helped me cope with that situation. Before you know it it's been a year and a half and I'm addict. Came as a shocker but it's the truth and it's hard to face!! Got clean for 3 months and I was blind about withdrawals and the whole matter of being an addict. So obviously I felt great again in horrible pain but when I went out with friends that went away.. Why? Because of liqour yes so needless to say relasped this time I needed more to get that high I mean after all " I already slipped mine as well go all the way with it" what a joke right? Though that's what I did got up up to 6 at a time 3 to 4x daily. So studied up on addiction, got a lot of facts and a lot of topics there were unable to prove scientifically. Then a lot of people saying yes and others saying no. So All that lead me to here, I'm 14 to 18 days clean not quite sure (don't remember date of last dose). W/d sucked but people I've met that mention NA say its a lifestyle change, though I'm already a Christian I love God I have room to grow in that matter ALOT of room!! As well as working out staying in shape eating somewhat healthy. I have a good job, good relationship my life's is great and it's defiantly worth living!! They say get rid of bad influence friends, though it's not my friends fault yes some could have my DOC and I could be tempted, but isn't that what addiction and NA is all about fighting that urge. I have only myself to blame, yes I may not have had control over the matter but in a way I did but the only reason I didn't have control was because of the ignorance and lack of knowledge of the pills and how there addictive. I mean after all a respectful doctor is prescribing them so I must need them. We just never take that warning label that serious do we? Anyways the though of never have a beer again or a hit of a joint again is just like wtf!!! I've heard a lot of stories saying you still can have a beer now again just don't let it control you and other half the NA group saying you'll be trading an addiction for an addiction, and your addict mind will want to go back to your DOC. So idk what to think, I love life I want to just live it with out having to worth about if I have a drink after work will I relaspe. So can anyone give me a timline of withdrawals I know the basic stuff like physical w/d last 7-10 day and some sypmtons could linger to a month. Then there's paws that come after that and let up after month 3 to 6. Though is it true, could I be fine now and get hit with a tone of bricks later down the road? I'm a couple weeks sober, I've been working out, working, eating all day since day 3 clean of hydrocodien which a lot of people told me was abnormal. I still have sleep and craving problems but I know what's on the side, my inner happiness so I know I'm not relasping. Today is the first day I mentally feel foggy since day 2. Good thing it's a Saturday and college football is here to keep me occupied though my brain is looking for that edge. When will the chemicals in my head get back to normal the " neurotransmitters" I think is the name? Any feedback is greatly appreciated sorry for the long post!!!

[VICourageous]

Welcome to our Forum.
Congrats on your time so far!
It has been a bit slow out here, so you have to keep checking your post as we come & go!

You have really did your homework. I can say after 40yrs off & on with any Substance, I am 3yrs into this Recovery. I owe a lot of my Support to this Site, Church, Meetings, Studying Addiction in a more Scientific way and all that Brain Jazz.  Also, any other means of Support I needed in times of Trouble.

If I read this right, you where not on those opiates for to many yrs. So physically you are doing all the right things as far as the exercise, eating healthy and taking some great vit/min. You should bounce back soon. NOW as you know the Mental and all those Brain Chems take time to balance back. Also, as they are balancing back or healing (sort of speaking) they can send false singles to the Body. (I think it all depends on how long one had used and how much and Age & Health as far as the Brain Chems go). The Mental seems to be the part that will break us or make us. Learning to live Life in or own skin and on Life's Terms. Even if it is Just for Today, we still need Support to carry on. Everyone can Work it there Way, as long as they Work it!

I want to Welcome you and sure hope you stick around for Support and to Support others that come here.
I am so sorry about the Football issue.  I would like you to know we Play Football over in the Social Forum. This site has Communities from A-Z on here. Come on over to the Social and join in.
Again, Congrats on doing your Homework about this Progressive Disease.

Bless
Vickie

PS. I am sure other will chime in with their own Experiences and Support as well. It has been on the slow side.

[Krissy_123]

Hey,congrats on your recovery time!! Sad story,but I guess we all have them though. Just means you were meant for something other than football. You find it one day. Now your question about being able to have a toke or a beer here and there,is a very controversial one. I was addicted to oxycodone,so I always thought why couldn't I drink?? It's not near the same thing,plus I hadent drank in years because I was on the meds. About a week into my recovery I went out with my husband to a friends house. (They always have a drink)anyway I thought meh I'll have one,maybe I won't feel so ******. After 8-9 paralyzers I was so drunk and all my physical and mental pain was gone. Was the best I'd felt in days. Woke up the next day knocking on deaths door and a realization that drinking was not a good idea. I know for a fact how easy I couldn't taken my pain away again. But that was kind of defeating my purpose. So in my case,no I can't touch any other substances but that doesn't mean everyone can't. We live and learn I guess.

[Krissy_123]

I know for a fact how easily I "could" have taken my pain away again. Is what I meant to type.

[Krissy_123]

Also about paws,not everyone gets this. You may not. I did but I also took pills starting in my early twenties and now im in my early 30's. Depends on how long and how much you take and your age.

[Heavenawaits817tx]

Thanks for the replies, I was on them on and off for 3 years. I did maintain an active lifestyle while on them, I wasn't ever laying around so that might have something to do with easier w/d. Vicky & Krissy both great replies, I too came to the conclusion that some people can dabble with alchol and weed while others recovering addicts can't. If weed helps and you stay clean then I guess it's the same overall thing as NA. Just all depends if the addict can't control himself. Though I feel as if I'm one of those people that can do it every now and again, I don't want to risk it until I feel safe. The idea of no mind alternating substances forever is hard for me to cope with!! More of the facts your telling me I never can do this "naturally" I'm going to want to do it.. I don't feel like the reason I relasped was because of liqour, but because I started feeling so good again I thought I could handle pills again ( which clearly I cant). I do feel like the mental old me, today I bought a homeless man 3 burgers and gave him 5 bucks. I use to do stuff like that all the time but when I was on pills I need the money " forget the homeless". Messed up right? That's awesome there's sports on here too ha I love it. Krissy not trying to mess with your mind, but you got drunk and it didn't have control over yourself but still didn't relaspe but what if you did only have 1 or 2 beers would you have still been able to control the urges? or for you personally it would have been a 50/50? I can relate to that story more than you know, see I feel as if I stayed sober for months but practiced safe drinking. For instance I've been clean 6 months had a beer then couple weeks later had another. I feel as if I could handle that but why would I want to risk it? I guess what disturbing the most is the NA slogan of " you can't touch any mind alternating substances ever again. if I'm 10 years clean off opiates and I'm scared to sip a beer because someone told me that then I would pull my hair out.. I just always figured if your mentally strong and have strong will power you can handle it. Though most addict and early stages recovering addicts won't have the will power they'll need in order to do what I was saying. Vicky 3 years sober now that's a an achievement, was it easy? Lol just kidding I know that was hard and still is so you have my respect.. Enjoy this beautiful Saturday!!

[Heavenawaits817tx]

Avatar_f_tn
by Krissy_123, 24 minutes
Also about paws,not everyone gets this. You may not. I did but I also took pills starting in my early twenties and now im in my early 30's. Depends on how long and how much you take and your age.


Very interesting!! I was about 3 1/2 months clean when I relasped for the first time and I felt amazing like I have beaten my addiction. Never saw PAWS though I figured I just relasped to soon to see it. I pray that is the case and I'm one of the few lucky ones though I'm preparing for the worse.... Did you get paws? Can it really linger for months? Is it mentally a challenge more so then what we've already been threw far as psychical w/d go???

[VICourageous]

Hi again.

Here is a bit of info regarding PAWS.

After a person has become adjusted to a certain level of the drug/experience removal of it affects the emotional/biochemical balance that has been established. The person then has to readjust to living without the previous level of stimulation, etc. Post Acute Withdraws can last two years or more. It also has a physiological aspects that are very difficult to endure.

Now in my opinion, I do believe it to depend on how may yrs one has used to unbalance those brain Chems out too..BUT all people working recovery go through that Mind Game and this is why we need Support! The meeting call it the Tape or Wheel that turns around & around in your head. Also, we now have to face life head on without running to escape it for other reasons.

For example..Many of us had losses when we first got clean. I had 18m in when I had lost my Mom, Dad, Dog, Father-in-law and a couple of friends all in a 90 day period. I had to UP my Support because I was 57 then and I was used to going out and drinking/druging when I lost someone. I stuck very close to this Site too. It is all in my Journal as these MH Friends help me tight. Then I had 2 stents put in my Heart at 24m. I had more of my Life come crashing down in such a short time that I had to Have SUPPORT! I think that what PAWS is talking about too. Just every day living.

If you get to know your way around. Go take peek at my Journal if you like and read some small info I put in called the "Nature of Addiction" and "Addiction and the Brain's Pleasure Pathway: Beyond Willpower". We also go through a Grieving stage when we give up any of our addict behaviors,
like cigs too.

Hope to see you around!
Bless

[Krissy_123]

To be totally honest I don't even know if what I have is paws? If I'd never read an article on paws in my life id probably just assume I was having a sh!t a$$ day. I'm 10 months clean and I've been having bouts of anxiety and deppresion. But it's not all the time and it's managable. So Ya ??  Lol. But Ya I do know not everyone gets it. I've never tried to drink again after that first week and you're right I could have tried to just have 1-2 beers but I was feeling sooooo good. I hadn't had a euriophra rush in a week at that time. So I think that's what scared me. I knew there was something else out there to make me feel better. If I had a beer right now 10 months later I'm not sure how I'd handle it to be honest? I love your questions though! We all think of these things but never really speak of them outside of meetings.

[jifmoc]

Dude, congrats on your 14 to 18 days clean.

Now, I'm gonna tell you that you are over-thinking this. You are thinking and thinking w/o taking action. Go to NA or AA for a while and you'll learn. We all want all the answers now but that's not how it works.

Also, you answered it yourself, didn't you write that you were clean, you went out and had some drinks and then thought, well might as well go all the way. Well THAT is how people stay in their using and insanity. That's why it's said not to do it. Also, don't freakin worry about "never" using this or never that. You'll drive yourself nuts. Just worry about today. That's all we have.

You got up to 24 pills a day, that's not chicken feed my friend. You have some work ahead of you. This isn't about just dropping the drugs, working out a lot (tried it that way) and on to a good life. You'll need to treat your addict brain. That's why aftercare is so encouraged on here. The peeps that are in aftercare don't come back again and again w/ relapse stories.

[jifmoc]

Also, lemme share something I learned a while back that was eye opening for me. You know how you are concerned about not having a beer or a joint? I remember I was concerned about wine (even though I haven't drank in years, it was all pills all the time.) It was pointed out to me that folks who are NOT addicts/alcoholics don't even ask that question! It's just not in their worries and concerns. "Normies" can take substances or leave them. Therefore it's not a concern or an obsession. I didn't know that, I thought everyone had substances on the brain. They don't!

Anyway, for what it worth, just wanted to share that.

[Heavenawaits817tx]

If you get to know your way around. Go take peek at my Journal if you like and read some small info I put in called the "Nature of Addiction" and "Addiction and the Brain's Pleasure Pathway: Beyond Willpower". We also go through a Grieving stage when we give up any of our addict behaviors,

I will be doing that once I figure out how!!  That's very dusturbing knowing that it could last up to/ more than 2 years.... Though I like how krissy said it "I'd probably just assume I was having a **** *** day".. If it's it at degree like that far as pain goes then it's accomplishable. True you would want to drink more than just 1-2, it's a good buzz.. Life's short, I don't want to have to be scared of addiction, it's the the thought of what NA members say that gets in my head. I feel as if being uneducated on the matter is the best way to go about all of this! If you just told yourself no to that one thing or DOC and control yourself on a little beer. It's like you've never been told " you can't do it w/o N/A, making me feel "uncontrollable" on this whole situation before I tried just feels like a shot to the head.. Vicky the only thing I can't agree with what NA/AA says is that it is a disease, to me a disease would be cancer, aids and so forth, a disease I made by life style choices?? If that were the case then we've all been addicts our whole life's video games, favorite TV show, eating, working out, sports ,reading etc etc. then everything we like to do is a disease, just our habits are a lot harder because of it actually benign "injected". Can this be explained threw in NA/AA meetings?

[Heavenawaits817tx]

If you get to know your way around. Go take peek at my Journal if you like and read some small info I put in called the "Nature of Addiction" and "Addiction and the Brain's Pleasure Pathway: Beyond Willpower". We also go through a Grieving stage when we give up any of our addict behaviors,

I will be doing that once I figure out how!!  That's very dusturbing knowing that it could last up to/ more than 2 years.... Though I like how krissy said it "I'd probably just assume I was having a **** *** day".. If it's it at degree like that far as pain goes then it's accomplishable. True you would want to drink more than just 1-2, it's a good buzz.. Life's short, I don't want to have to be scared of addiction, it's the the thought of what NA members say that gets in my head. I feel as if being uneducated on the matter is the best way to go about all of this! If you just told yourself no to that one thing or DOC and control yourself on a little beer. It's like you've never been told " you can't do it w/o N/A, making me feel "uncontrollable" on this whole situation before I tried just feels like a shot to the head.. Vicky the only thing I can't agree with what NA/AA says is that it is a disease, to me a disease would be cancer, aids and so forth, a disease I made by life style choices?? If that were the case then we've all been addicts our whole life's video games, favorite TV show, eating, working out, sports ,reading etc etc. then everything we like to do is a disease, just our habits are a lot harder because of it actually benign "injected". Can this be explained threw in NA/AA meetings?

[jifmoc]

Yes, ALL of your questions and more will be explained during AA/NA meetings. You are 2 weeks sober, you've just started caring about things again.  Give it time. Things will become clearer.

[VICourageous]

I have to agree with Jifmoc!

It is known to be a Progressive Disease. They are finding out now that it could of been in ones Genes. Dopamine (D2 cell) passed on down the family line and they found out more about that old Pleasure part of the Brain (Survival). Like they say at the meetings, when we use to live and live to use. When nothing matters as far Survival (water, eating, sex and so on) and all you want is that DOC and will do ANYTHING to get it no matter what gets in your way! You will pick up on so much at those Meetings too. Being that ANYTHING can be pleasurable, NOT everything messes with the Brain Chemistry. There is so much to this BUT do not over think it right now. Over Analyzing everything right now will drive YOU nuts!

I pick up so much at both AA/NA and I have not had a drink in over 10-12-15 yrs I lost count. I just did not want to wreak my Methadone buzz. NOW for me I can not stand the way a beer would make me feel. Right now I have a hard time taking anything that is Prescribed or OTC. I can feel so much more with anything I take now.

Maybe just try those meetings and take what you want and leave the rest. They DO NOT go into the Scientific part of it at all. They hit the REAL thing of what has happen to people for centuries on down and what we all have Experienced in Life. WE all have this in common!

Stay in the Min, Hour and Day! Take one Baby Step at a Time. Also, NOT everyone will have that long to bounce back with the Mental Part. Paws is the part when we have to learn to live life without altering are mind to do so. This is what Takes some working at!! That is why it is all Mental and it comes with some old habits to break. It does not hurt. It is REAL Emotions!

I wish you the best and just take it easy right now. One foot in front of the other. YOU will find your way.
Bless

[Heavenawaits817tx]

Well I went today to NA, all i had to do was share my story and answer some questions. Next one is Tuesday at the location I'm attending. I've always been a goal type person so for me to not be able to tell myself " ride it out 3 more days and you'll be fine" is hard. I feel as if I could do it on my own, but I have way to many questions for NA to not be attending lol. I'm only going for answers if I'm not hooked in a month or this 90 day thing then il be satisfied I'm making the right choice. Is tobacco frowned upon? Yes I do tend to over think everything, I look at every view and get all the answer I can before I take a step, so today was taking a leap of faith going to NA. I just rather be safe than sorry, and what jiffmoc said, "you don't see NA members on here talking about there relaspes all the time". Read that and got online so jiffmoc you can take credit for sending me to NA. I was surprised at the group of people in the class, every day average looking people that can make you cry with their stories. Thank all of you for replying Vicki I'm going to your read your article now.

[dominosarah]

Doing it our way got us here in the first place.  This addiction doesnt stop once the drug is put down.  Getting clean is the easy part, staying clean is the hard one.  This is "we" thing, not an "i".  I never thought i would drink Black Velvet at 4 in the morning to get thru my job but i did along with taking pills, then a few shots for lunch, more pills etc.  I did this day in and day out for years.  None of us set out to be addicts but we are and for those of us in recovery life is pretty awesome and full of blessings~

[ImInAwe]

Just thought I'd point this out... It's not necessarily about willpower, because when an addict uses, it renders the logic center of our brain, the prefrontal cortex, etc, useless, hence why so many addicts end up saying things like "I don't know why I did that"