please help, on day 7 with no pills and the cravings seem worse.

[jwalker0415]

Hi everyone, this is the first time ive ever talked to anyone about my pill addiction. It started when i was 15 with any kind of speed, that lasted about 3yrs then quit when i got pregnant with my first child. I didn't touch anything till i had my second daughter, i had to have a c-section and they sent me home with vicodin 60 of them and a refill for 60 more and thats when my pill habit started back up. It started up slow 1 to 2 a day, but eventually became 15 to 20 a day of whatever pill i could get, vicodin, norcos lorocet, lorotab and now it's 8yrs later and i have nothing to show for those years except for lost friends, no steady job and shame that i let myself get this bad when i have children that look up to me. Anyway i'm sure you get the point, today i am 7 days clean its the longest strech i've ever gone.
I knew it was gonna be hard and i think i can honestly say it has been the hardest thing i've ever done.
But the mental part of it is what is really hard for me, right now i want to find some excuse to get some. I keep going back an forth in my head telling myself that i just want 1 for today and that will be ok, i no its not. I thought that the cravings would be better the more days go by but it seems like their worse. I'm very commited to getting clean and would really appreciate it if anyone who understands what i'm going through could just take a few min to give me some advice or share their experiance with me.

Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this.
I would love to hear from you.
T.

[jwalker0415]

Thank you, I keep telling myself that i'm not going to feel like this forever.
And when i do get my life back how good it will feel to be in control of myself and not the pills controling what i do everyday.

[jwalker0415]

Day 8 starting off ok, because of everyone here that posted to me thank you. I'm still feeling pretty ****** but i have to say i'm in a better place mentaly today than i was yesterday. I've been looking for support groups and just trying to keep things simple.
I can't think to far ahead cause that would just drive me crazy. Congrats to all the people still hangin in there, an stay strong.

Tania

[Lucy_79]

Just some encouraging words "Dont give in to short term thinking. stay focused on the end resuls,

[TakingAction]

It is going to get so much easier for you.  I believe it because it cannot be denied in the presence of so many strong people here who have really done well.  They are all saying the same thing, life returns- plain and simple.  It is not worth throwing away in order to satisfy a craving that will surely pass in less than an hour.  

I know it is tough.  I actually bought pills yesterday because the cravings were so bad.  Somehow I managed to flush them without taking any.  I only have two weeks clean, but it just could not be worth throwing it away for something that has obviously caused me great harm already.  You are on your way.  Be strong.

Matt

[whitie]

sometimes the truth is the best policy.

you have had a 8 year,15- 20 pill addicition. this is only normal, you will be better soon. if you made it 7 days so far, without spinning out, your doing great. there will be a huge sense of pride when you go the distance and kick that 800 pound gorilla off your ***. ALL BY YOURSELF  he knows how to get into your brain and play mind games.

**** like "oh, this time I will only use them,like I am supposed too"  " just a few to get you by" and " I will handle this later" Or "I just cant do it"

know that hes there, and realize in time he loses and you win YOUR LIFE back.  wars are not won in days and when you get life back you will drop your jaw at what its like to wake up, not all gassed up.  its soooooooo refreshing, the best high I have had in five years !!


how about this angle to keep you marching forth........

in the grand scheme of things, theres a multitude of things that could be WAY WORSE !!  look at what our forefathers have gone through !! this is'nt squat compared to what our vets have dealt with, what people with major diseases have gone through. imagine being at valley forge all winter long or in the 77 day seige of Khe Sahn during tet, all while fighting malaria, and dysentery. how about being someone trying to survive in stalingrad?

[Luxy88]

GOOD LUCK! i know exactually how you feel.. but you know that withdraws can last up to 8-12 days from what i know. But dont give up! you seem like you are very determined! it is totally a find game too! if it were just the withdraws, i think noone would have a problem getting off them, but it messes with your mind and emotions. I know personally i hate them.. but i do methadone and oxycotton. I never even knew what they were up until 3 years ago... anyways i take about 15mg a day of methadone.. that gets my by fine, but then on the weekends or anytime OC is around, its soo tempting to do. Almost irrisistable... i dont know why. I know how bad it ***** up lives and how bad it could **** up mine if i ever get in trouble. But this website is great too, you will have lots of supporters and people to talk to. GOod LUck and keep me posted!

[leeisgettingclean]

hey just hang in it does get better, yeah i think all the things you mentioned is w/ds, not sure about heart skipping, that someone else might have more to say about, but everything else is about what i had. it ***** but does get better, just hang in to get the reward

[Happy2LIVEagain]

Hi there! Congrats on your 7 days! didn't your dr. give u anything for anxiety? They are actually increasing my dosage of Xanax thru all of this. I'm not saying you should switch from one pill to another, but I can't even imagine you going thru this without something for your nerves and to help you get good sleep. Did you go cold Turkey or did you use Subroxen? Hang in there and don't get mad at yourself for feeling like this. You're a really strong person for making the decision to get clean. I start on Subroxen tomorrow and I'm scared but I'm also so very excitied to live my life without watching the clock to take my norco. Gosh,I wasted so much time going to the dr.'s and pharmacy, I thought about where and when I would get my next prescription EVERY day! now that I'm starting the Subutex/Subroxen, I'm so relieved that I will be fully present in my life again and not FAKING to be fully present. I've been FAKING for years and I'm over it! Hang in there! You should look in the mirror and be so proud of yourself!

[Happy2LIVEagain]

Is feeling faint, really anxious, pupils getting dialated, diahreah (spelling?) heart kinda skipping beats...is all this the signs of withdrawls?

[TakingAction]

I am fighting the cravings too.  Try to stay busy and find a meeting in your area.  I have only went to two meetings thus far, but they are beneficial.  You are fighting for your life right now, but it gets so much easier.  Look at some of the people on this site who have months and years clean.  They will tell you that it gets better, but still a daily commitment you must renew each day.

I have started to do some light exercise, along with keeping a journal and posting on this sight.  These things tend to occupy my mind and help me keep a healthy perspective.  

I feel like hell, and am pretty depressed- but I think you would agree that the progress made thus far is worth holding on to.  

Good luck, I have a lot of faith in your ability to keep on keepin on.

Matt

[BIKERDAD1963]

It does get better as the days go on. Unfortunately it will take a lot of days for the cravings to be gone completely. Thats why na or aa is so important. Just think about what you have been thru thus far. Would you want to go thru the wd again? Just keep busy and you will forget about the cravings. When the cravings come back then get busy again. Nite time is the worse for me. When i lay there thinking about it I just get out of bed a go walking for a while. Clean the house, go for a bike ride, a walk or anything you enjoy doing. Start a journal of you addiction and your detox process. Writing and reading about what you have gone thru during your addiction and your detox process can keep you motivated. Hang in there it will get better.

[NorcoQueenoftheUniverse]

Sweetie, You need to get some sort of AFTERCARE going for you... NA.. AA... whatever your community offers.. Just look them up...

They can be a great support and the reason for continuing on.. (besides your kids)  

Hang in there and keep posting and remember that

EVERYDAY THAT YOU DON'T USE IS A BETTER DAY THEN WHEN YA DO!

[Gpison]

It really comes down to a question of staying active and keeping your mind occupied. If I can keep my mind active I do really well, the weekends are the worst for me as I am not working and have alot of free time. I have been clean for over two months and still get some pretty nasty cravings from time to time, but it has gotten alot better and they only last for a short period of time.

Stay focused, it is definately worth it!