question

[rosebud66]

how many of you are using or used to be able to handle a bad marrtage.

[feohmoon]

I have been a bad relationship....very bad,  No one deserves that.  It is degrading to be spoken to in a sarcastic tone consistently.  So so sorry you are having to endure this.  If ever you want to leave, please do not think you cannot - you can.  Everyone deserves respect and happiness....believe that.

It is sad, but I can understand people taking the pills to be more productive.  The downside is obvious of course.  Try B12 shots.....so much more kind to your body.

Peace & love ...that is what you need.
steven & murphy

[what2donow]

I started using because of marrige stress as well. Mine was a little different I guess.It seemed like no matter how much I did,(work 12 hour days as a resturant supervisor,take care of our 3 girls ages 6,2,and 1,pay the bills,cook ,ect it was NEVER enough.I took the pills for a medical problem and found they gave me so much energy.I could do 10 times more than usual.so I kept taking them to get more done and soon I was hooked....I  then kept taking them to numb the pain of never being good enough.....It was like a never ending cycle for me....I dunno I know this sounds dumb....sorry for babbling on

Jen

[catmagnet]

I've been in a bad marriage it seems like forever! Definitely why I started abusing the vics, but now I'm accelerating quickly the other way, and once I'm clean, I'll either kick his butt or kick him out. He's not the same person I married so long ago, I don't know what happened, or even remember the last time things were even good. I've felt trapped by the drugs though, when I'm off of them hopefully I can get a job and not feel co-dependent. For years everybody has always wondered why I put up with him ( even his own family and friends), I guess I'm afraid of being alone. Actually, just about everyone we know thinks I'm very attractive, so I think the drugs have taken my self-esteem away from me. Never been conceited though, looks to me are just superficial, I look at people for who they are inside. Maybe the hubby I loved so much is still in there somewhere...

[confused456]

Thanks for the confidence booster!! Appreciate it. I chose it because I was confused as to whether I was an addict or not, but I am no longer confused. The 456 is my street address.......LOL

[rosebud66]

ONCE AGAIN I WOULD LIKE TO THANK THE LISTENERS...IT DOES WONDERS FOR THE BLAHS I WAS FEELING LAST NIGHT AND EARLY THI MORNING.  I AM GOING OUT TO PLAY FOR AWILE AND ENJOY SOME SUNSHINE AND FREASH AIR WITH MY BABY GIRL.   I'LL CHECK IN LATER TO SEE WHAT IS HAPPENING IN ALL OF YOU BEAUTIFUL PEOPLES LIVES.  OPI BE CAREFUL ON YOUR SNOWMOBILE ADVENTURE AND HUG AND KISS THAT WIFE OF YOURS FOR JUST NO REASON.  CONFUSED HAVE SOME FUN AND FOR THE LIFE OF ME I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW YOU CHOSE THAT NAME.  YOU SEEM TO BE VERY ON TOP OF YOUR GAME AND IT IS DEEPLY APPRECIATED.  

THANKS AGAIN AND HAVE A GREAT DAY GUYS.  KEEP DOIN WHAT YOUR DOIN!!!

[rosebud66]

please don't apoligize because you are so right on many different levels.  i have talked till i was blue in the face calmly non accusing everything but it never helps.  i think you are correct in saying he is not the right one for me.  we almost split when we were at 6 years of marriage and things changed for the better for years.  then i had a surpise baby girl after 11 years of marriage which was a blessing for me.  first couple of years were great and for some reason i think that he thinks he has me by the balls thinking i won't leave because he and my daughter are so close.  he treats her like she should be treated and she adores him.  i know in the back of his mind he thinks i won't leave because of her.  we are very good about faking it in front of here but in no way am i in denial that she does see some things and he treats me.  not directly but she gets it deep down.  this iswhere the problem lies.  i will not let this continue so she goes out and finds someone to trat her just like that which is what will happen.  i will be stopping that little cycle before it gets going.  
i have tried to look the other way for a couple of years now hoping he would get it together and hear what i am saying but only he can make that choice.  i just don't get how he can have so much bitterness towards me.  i realize i am half the dynamic but i gotta tell you i have bent over backwards trying to figure it out for a soultion but he won't budge so i have no choice really at this point.  when we almost split all thoses years ago he took full resposibility for his part and verbalized his confusion to me as to why he behaves that way.  it's is too late this time for making up and changing this time though.  i sure wish he had of kept it up after all those years.  kinda like a addiction to a certain bad behavior that popped back up over 7 years later.  so ridiculous,  why would you ruin everything and i got to tell you deep down i really don't think he wants us to split so i don't think he is doing this to provoke me leaving but maybe i am wrong????  only he knows.  you know i am so laid back he does whatever he wants whenever he wants and i support it all.  i just don't get why he directs this **** at me but regardless i am done.  
thanks for the feed back opi.  it's nice to here from a man who see it clearly like most women do.  you wife sounds like she pretty lucky to have you except for a few bumps here and there?

[paulandsabrina]

wow thats crazy id do anytihng to have my wife back ive never argued anytihng jhe should be there supporting you in your time of need i was always there for my baby no excuses i remember one time when she was sick i bbq her i think it was a burger but i couldent cook it in the house so there i was -35 in sudbury bbq ing at 330 in the morning theres lots of people out there like me you deserve better

[opi]

rose...you got the wrong man....if he is takin shyt out on you then in happy mode when someone shows up,,,,,this is his issue.....as a man(i was one anyway at one point)..this is not how it goes....have you sat him down and told him this....try that and if he acts like a jerk......remember bobbit?......hekinda sounds like a redneck...sorry

[rosebud66]

again thanks it really does help me to vent.  best of luck to you as well.  if you don't mind my asking where are you in this journey we are on?  sober how long DOC  if you don't want to say it's ok i was just curious.  or it you want to pm thats would be ok too.  if not i get that part too.  it's hard to keep up on everyone story.  the only thing i know about you is you are very good at being positive and supportive but also shoot straight.  i have seen some of your posts that were not ness. what someone wanted to hear but you said it tactfully and kindly.

i am sure there are many on here who count on you on a regular basis yes?

[allaboutmary]

OMG I swear you must have married my x husband. I can so relate . My x always thought he was so much smarter.  Actually he did have a really high IQ, but he lacked in many social skills.  It's so horrible when someone degrades you every time you talk.  We would have friends over and my x would talk right over me.  Grrrrrr.    We are good friends now that we divorced. Had lunch with him yesterday, but I can tell he still hasn't changed much in that department.

[confused456]

I am up for listening any time!! Best of luck to you.

[rosebud66]

well thanks for listening...it is such a relief to be able to get this off my chest even though i haven't got the ball rolling yet.  this is the first step i think so like i said before time will tell.  

[confused456]

Wow, sorry to hear that. Not really sure what to even say about that. I hope you find some happiness and peace.

[rosebud66]

i could handle the venting no problem, it's the personal attacks i get if i don't agree with his point of view on something.  even if it has nothing to do with us at all and i have a different perspective all of a sidden i am stupid or just don't get it.  his way or no way.....ridiculous.  so i have taken to not discussing anything with him at all.  i am a very bright person and for the life of me can't understand why he can't let me have my own opinion without trying to put me down or brainwash me.  my god he has known me for 25 years why all of a sudden is it so important that i think everything he says is right about whatever.  this started about 3-4 years ago and has gotten really bad this past year.  it's like he sets up a conversation just so he can start attacking my intelligence or just wants to call me names???????????   talk about being confused.  so then i just shut down and secrectly hate him.  wow that's a great life huh and really at this point i don't even want to try and get help like couseling or anything.  i don't give a sh** one way or the other how it ends.  i wouldn't even care if he found someone else.  then he could turn his nastiness on her and not me.   how sick is that?

[confused456]

I hear ya. It's dumb to me how they can bring up something from so long ago and now all the sudden are saying something about it. I also think that men and women both use their spouse as a venting post a lot of the time. Maybe not everyone does, but I know a lot who do.

[rosebud66]

doesn't really jump...just treat them like a f-ing human being.  he treats my daughter like the princess she is and she adores him too but when it comes to me he just looks for reasons to start a fight and talk down to me.  i think he has deep resentment towards me but completly denies that.  says " don't pull that oprah or dr. phil b.s. on me when i bring it up calmly.  he is in denial when it comes to his behavior but he is getting ready for a huge wake up call.   and all for nothing...just because he insists on picking fights and arguing with me.  i really don't get it and when i say why did you just say that do you want to fight his response is something like well 4 months ago you said this  blah blah so i have just started saying i'm done talking to you leave me alone i refuse to engage in this behavior.

[jessejames31]

theres no doubt my drug use blew up when i got divorced, but to blame it on that i think is foolish. probably would've become this way with her. i think she saw this coming, and ran before it hit the fan ya know?

[confused456]

LMAO....oh, u have one of those, can't do **** for you, but jumps for anyone else and I mean ANYONE!! Why do they do that??

[rosebud66]

well i must say that since i have been on here and chatted with a few people about it i find it harder and harder to just pop an xtra pill and go on.  now that i actually said it i am so mad i could spit.....all you men out there question if this applies to you at all help....why do you take everything  out on the wife and treat every else like gold.  what have we done to make you so angry with us.

[rosebud66]

well i must say that since i have been on here and chatted with a few people about it i find it harder and harder to just pop an xtra pill and go on.  now that i actually said it i am so mad i could spit.....all you men out there question if this applies to you at all help....why do you take everything  out on the wife and treat every else like gold.  what have we done to make you so angry with us.

[opi]

when the wife and i or just wife gave me **** i would go to my space then return happy in 5 mins...it was a major trig.....last 14 days have been rough....now i pace..lol

[confused456]

I would have to admit that I have used pills as an escape when hubby and I argue, or when the kids are driving me crazy. I am not sure this is what you meant, but I used to mask everyday stress of life.

[rosebud66]

goodnight   see you in an hour  wink wink

[Olyaddict]

i have tried several timesbut needed some extra support. this board helps alot