Aa
quitting over and over and over
a little history I have been on pain med 8 years. lots of surgeries. I do ok with the pain now. In the last couple years Ive tried to quit so many times.I take 6- 10 a day. I quit about 2 months ago for a couple of weeks. Ive made it sometimes 10, 20, 30 days and even 60 days clean. It just seems like something comes up and i start taking it again. I have now realized that when i get stressed or depressed or pain I start the process all over again. in the last year I have had alot happen personally in my life. My biggest question is how do i keep not wanting to start using the hydro again? I know life can be better without it. But like we all know when u start taking them life is happy, you love everyone, and you have so much energy. I have tried accupucture for pain. I will probally do that again. In the last year I've quit atleast 9 times. Please help. It's seems like I can't get over the hump.
Time is your friend. Two months may not be long enough for your brain to get itself reset. It takes time. Kyle gave you good advice. Sounds like an aftercare support program would help. Please give your body time to get used to being clean. I no longer "crave" the pills at 190 days clean.... BUT, at time when I am stressed they pop into my brain! By cutting off all ways to get....it is just a thought..no way I can act on it and in a bit it goes bye-bye and the stress goes away too (usually)! I sometimes think my brain is just testing me to see what I will do. Stupid brain.
Anyway, I asked for help when trying to understand why I was craving even when clean. This post helped me a lot. I hope it helps you as well.
You have to remember how opiates work, and why you feel depressed etc. when you quit taking them and after you are over the withdrawals and often why we keep craving long after the physical withdrawals are over.
Opiates bound to the opioid receptors in your brain and body. They release their artificial endorphins to them, and block the bodies natural endorphins. After a while the neurons that produce the body's natural endorphins disappear. There is no need for them so they just don't rejuvenate like they would normally.
When you stop taking the opiates, they leave your opioid receptors bare, and they are calling out for your body's natural endorphins, but there isn't any there at first. You body has to repopulate the neurons that make them, and this takes time.
Endorphins like dopamine control your moods, anxiety, sadness, anger, happiness, pain etc.
You will slowly get your "old self" back as these neurons repopulate and begin increasing their endorphins production. After being off the opiates for a month, they should be about 45-50% of normal, and be back to normal within a year.
So hang in there, you will feel better and better as the months roll by.
Try keep busy and keep your mind focused on positive things instead of dwelling on the depression, anxiety, etc. that are only temporary and will disappear as your endorphins return to normal.
Anyway, I asked for help when trying to understand why I was craving even when clean. This post helped me a lot. I hope it helps you as well.
You have to remember how opiates work, and why you feel depressed etc. when you quit taking them and after you are over the withdrawals and often why we keep craving long after the physical withdrawals are over.
Opiates bound to the opioid receptors in your brain and body. They release their artificial endorphins to them, and block the bodies natural endorphins. After a while the neurons that produce the body's natural endorphins disappear. There is no need for them so they just don't rejuvenate like they would normally.
When you stop taking the opiates, they leave your opioid receptors bare, and they are calling out for your body's natural endorphins, but there isn't any there at first. You body has to repopulate the neurons that make them, and this takes time.
Endorphins like dopamine control your moods, anxiety, sadness, anger, happiness, pain etc.
You will slowly get your "old self" back as these neurons repopulate and begin increasing their endorphins production. After being off the opiates for a month, they should be about 45-50% of normal, and be back to normal within a year.
So hang in there, you will feel better and better as the months roll by.
Try keep busy and keep your mind focused on positive things instead of dwelling on the depression, anxiety, etc. that are only temporary and will disappear as your endorphins return to normal.
If you still have legit physical pain then you need to talk to your doc. There may be an alternative to opioid- based meds that could help.
If you are taking pills for the high, as you've implied, then you may have reached the point of addiction; eight years is a very long time to be using.
Being stress or depressed does not cause you to use - both are just excuses to use, as is almost every aspect of daily life. Celebration, pills. Vacation, pills. Bad day, pills. Good day, pills. You use because you can; because you want to; because you've forgotten how truly wonderful life is without pills.
After 15 years of failing I am now 7 months clean. If you want to get and stay clean then I offer you what I've learned...
First, cut all sources. Call your doctor, dentist, pharmacy. Tell them that you are an abuser and want to be flagged as such. Next, tell your loved ones, family, friends. They will be your support system in the future. If you keep your secret you will relapse behind it. Finally, aftercare. NA meetings, something. You continue to relapse because you can get meds and you've done nothing different. Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Sound familiar?
If you are taking pills for the high, as you've implied, then you may have reached the point of addiction; eight years is a very long time to be using.
Being stress or depressed does not cause you to use - both are just excuses to use, as is almost every aspect of daily life. Celebration, pills. Vacation, pills. Bad day, pills. Good day, pills. You use because you can; because you want to; because you've forgotten how truly wonderful life is without pills.
After 15 years of failing I am now 7 months clean. If you want to get and stay clean then I offer you what I've learned...
First, cut all sources. Call your doctor, dentist, pharmacy. Tell them that you are an abuser and want to be flagged as such. Next, tell your loved ones, family, friends. They will be your support system in the future. If you keep your secret you will relapse behind it. Finally, aftercare. NA meetings, something. You continue to relapse because you can get meds and you've done nothing different. Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Sound familiar?
Hi and welcome....
You said : "when u start taking them life is happy, you love everyone, and you have so much energy" ....... man I can relate...I loved that feeling....If I could stay "that way" 24/7 I would. The problem is I can't stay high I come down and then I want more......and the cycle continues untill my quality of life is next to nothing and all self esteem is gone.
The opiates are good for physical pain I agree. But I started to numb emotional pain with them. Soon the drugs were making decisions for me.
The "hump" is working on yourself while clean. My using was just a symptom of an underlying issue
Opiates was a quick and easy way for me to feel good about life.. If the drugs are removed from me..I'm just left with myself without meds to help me feel good. So just quitting and doing nothing else.....whether its a counselor / AA /NA / church etc..is doomed to either fail or end up with a miserable sobriety....
You're going to be just fine....think about some aftercare maybe,,,it's a tried and true method....
Keep posting , make friends you're one of us..we'll try to help you through,
Free~
You said : "when u start taking them life is happy, you love everyone, and you have so much energy" ....... man I can relate...I loved that feeling....If I could stay "that way" 24/7 I would. The problem is I can't stay high I come down and then I want more......and the cycle continues untill my quality of life is next to nothing and all self esteem is gone.
The opiates are good for physical pain I agree. But I started to numb emotional pain with them. Soon the drugs were making decisions for me.
The "hump" is working on yourself while clean. My using was just a symptom of an underlying issue
Opiates was a quick and easy way for me to feel good about life.. If the drugs are removed from me..I'm just left with myself without meds to help me feel good. So just quitting and doing nothing else.....whether its a counselor / AA /NA / church etc..is doomed to either fail or end up with a miserable sobriety....
You're going to be just fine....think about some aftercare maybe,,,it's a tried and true method....
Keep posting , make friends you're one of us..we'll try to help you through,
Free~
You sound like me. I am a chronic relapser. Each time I seem to stay clean a little longer but I end up relapsing. I am going for a physical next week and hoping that my doctor tells me I don't need pills for my pain. That will cut off my access there.
I have been told over and over that aftercare is important and it seems that almost everyone who stays clean has done it through NA or AA. I am resisting that as well but know that it is probably the answer to staying clean.
I just suffer through panic attacks when I have tried to go so I don't know how I am going to do it.
Stick with this forum and keep reading all the posts. You will learn a lot and some of it will stick in the back of your mind. Good luck, you aren't alone with this. I know several members who are the same as us. It really does a number on you mentally. Keep trying, I think eventually it will happen for us.
I have been told over and over that aftercare is important and it seems that almost everyone who stays clean has done it through NA or AA. I am resisting that as well but know that it is probably the answer to staying clean.
I just suffer through panic attacks when I have tried to go so I don't know how I am going to do it.
Stick with this forum and keep reading all the posts. You will learn a lot and some of it will stick in the back of your mind. Good luck, you aren't alone with this. I know several members who are the same as us. It really does a number on you mentally. Keep trying, I think eventually it will happen for us.
Aftercare, for me NA, has helped relieve my craving. Getting a sponsor and working the steps keeps my mind healing, even when I feel down or something happens. It creates accountability and new sober friendships. I don't have a lot of time, but this feels like my final time to stop. I too relapse a lot. I believe that we addicts reach a point that we cannot stay clean alone, we need each other. This forum is great, but sober living requires life changes beyond stopping using.Good luck to you.
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