Aa
recovering & around SO many addicts....
hello, i don't know if anyone remembers me from years ago, but i used to come on here daily and seek advice. i don't remember my old user so all of my info/stories are lost :(
anyways, to sum it up....i have A LOT of medical problems that i was finally diagnosed with back in 2007. i have one condition in particular, that causes severe pain for me every month. well i would get prescribed pain meds (normal vicodin) to avoid the hell that would come each month, and started building up tolerance, then having to get normal percocets to help instead. thats the highest i ever went, dosage wise. i had many surgeries for them to try and remove the tissue that caused the pain, but the problem with endo is that it ALWAYS grows back. similar to cancer but its not actually cancer. so after i saw myself having to be pretty much strung out and coma tosed like, then realized i am going to have this disease until i am at least 45 ( i am 27 now) and that i would just have to keep taking stronger and stronger pain meds, i decided to try and quit. that was last year. its horrible, and every month when i get that wrath of hell fire pain, i try and just knock myself out with tylenol pms, dremamine, whatever i can really, but sometimes i do end up having to take a few pain pills. i tried a 'natural' route, but my stomach doesn't actually absorb nutrients through pill form or something weird (my doc explained it to me) so i felt hopeless, like i was never going to go forward with the managing the pain. i was bad as far as i would really want to take them when i didnt need them sort of thing, and addiction runs in my fam, so i knew where that would lead to, so that is why i quit taking them all together for awhile....i guess my main issue now is that pain management (i lost my job in nov due to some serious BS reasons, so i have no health ins anymore) and the fact that the city i live in is pretty much a mini detroit. my good friend, who was also my best friends husband and child's father, died march 1st from a heroin overdose. he started on pills and went his way up. thats how it is for a lot of people that i know, or that is in my family somehow. i have seen the devastation this causes, and it kills me. i don't go out and find addicts, its like they come to me. i try and think maybe God is doing this because i kind of know how it feels, and i have a huge heart enough to care about addiction and take it for the disease that it is, but at the same time, i have been co dependent in the past and try to avoid that as much as possible. my boyfriends liittle brother has been struggling with heroin and all kinds of drugs since 2001, he overdosed jan 2007, was in a coma, the doc said if he somehow didnt die he would be braindead--yet when he woke up he wasnt. i think he has a hard time beliving that God cares about him and in God in general, so he always goes right back to where he started it seems....he just had a beautiful baby boy, with a girl he met in rehab, both of them had relapsed over and over, and her parents are also on drugs. his parents are old and cant really take care of a one year old all the time. i have thought about possibly trying to take care of him, but his father (my boyfriends brother) just keeps popping back in like he is gonna be okay, then something happens. its like a huge emotional rollercoaster. my best friend called from iraq yesterday, found out her sister has been lying to her about doing heroin, and my friend is all fired up about it, thinking if she were here she could stop it....and i tried to politely explain thats not how it works, gave her this website to go to for advice....but it just KILLS me with despair, when i see this happening to people i care about, a few of my uncles....no one has jobs around here so when they cant afford pain pills they go to heroin since its cheaper. im just curious if anyone else is in this situation? where it seems somehow, someway, addicts or people that are struggling with an addict just come to you in your life, and it hurts and you want to do the right thing, but what is that? just sharing your feelings and praying for them? that seems all i can do without going full co dependent again....thanks for any advice in advance, and sorry for the book!
anyways, to sum it up....i have A LOT of medical problems that i was finally diagnosed with back in 2007. i have one condition in particular, that causes severe pain for me every month. well i would get prescribed pain meds (normal vicodin) to avoid the hell that would come each month, and started building up tolerance, then having to get normal percocets to help instead. thats the highest i ever went, dosage wise. i had many surgeries for them to try and remove the tissue that caused the pain, but the problem with endo is that it ALWAYS grows back. similar to cancer but its not actually cancer. so after i saw myself having to be pretty much strung out and coma tosed like, then realized i am going to have this disease until i am at least 45 ( i am 27 now) and that i would just have to keep taking stronger and stronger pain meds, i decided to try and quit. that was last year. its horrible, and every month when i get that wrath of hell fire pain, i try and just knock myself out with tylenol pms, dremamine, whatever i can really, but sometimes i do end up having to take a few pain pills. i tried a 'natural' route, but my stomach doesn't actually absorb nutrients through pill form or something weird (my doc explained it to me) so i felt hopeless, like i was never going to go forward with the managing the pain. i was bad as far as i would really want to take them when i didnt need them sort of thing, and addiction runs in my fam, so i knew where that would lead to, so that is why i quit taking them all together for awhile....i guess my main issue now is that pain management (i lost my job in nov due to some serious BS reasons, so i have no health ins anymore) and the fact that the city i live in is pretty much a mini detroit. my good friend, who was also my best friends husband and child's father, died march 1st from a heroin overdose. he started on pills and went his way up. thats how it is for a lot of people that i know, or that is in my family somehow. i have seen the devastation this causes, and it kills me. i don't go out and find addicts, its like they come to me. i try and think maybe God is doing this because i kind of know how it feels, and i have a huge heart enough to care about addiction and take it for the disease that it is, but at the same time, i have been co dependent in the past and try to avoid that as much as possible. my boyfriends liittle brother has been struggling with heroin and all kinds of drugs since 2001, he overdosed jan 2007, was in a coma, the doc said if he somehow didnt die he would be braindead--yet when he woke up he wasnt. i think he has a hard time beliving that God cares about him and in God in general, so he always goes right back to where he started it seems....he just had a beautiful baby boy, with a girl he met in rehab, both of them had relapsed over and over, and her parents are also on drugs. his parents are old and cant really take care of a one year old all the time. i have thought about possibly trying to take care of him, but his father (my boyfriends brother) just keeps popping back in like he is gonna be okay, then something happens. its like a huge emotional rollercoaster. my best friend called from iraq yesterday, found out her sister has been lying to her about doing heroin, and my friend is all fired up about it, thinking if she were here she could stop it....and i tried to politely explain thats not how it works, gave her this website to go to for advice....but it just KILLS me with despair, when i see this happening to people i care about, a few of my uncles....no one has jobs around here so when they cant afford pain pills they go to heroin since its cheaper. im just curious if anyone else is in this situation? where it seems somehow, someway, addicts or people that are struggling with an addict just come to you in your life, and it hurts and you want to do the right thing, but what is that? just sharing your feelings and praying for them? that seems all i can do without going full co dependent again....thanks for any advice in advance, and sorry for the book!
Good good good !! No drugs!!! Okay...what you are,in my opinion, is a "fixer".
You're just good and loyal to your family and friends. It's a nice thing as long as it doesn't cause you emotional discomfort. You come first...then you are more able to help others. :)
V.
You're just good and loyal to your family and friends. It's a nice thing as long as it doesn't cause you emotional discomfort. You come first...then you are more able to help others. :)
V.
thanks ladies. no i am not on any pain meds now. i just thought i would share that part as a little 'background intro'. :) i do understand what you are saying; i have distanced myself from actual friends that still use pain meds, but as far as family members go, and actual good friends i have known for years, it seems almost wrong to just turn my back on them. i guess that is a main description for co dependency! i have a great book on it, and it helps, but i seem to always come back to this point of feeling like i need to at least give advice. i've always gotten joy out of helping others....which i know is not always healthy or the best thing for myself. that is the hardest issue i have, always putting others before me!
I agree with Vicki (all the time) but she's right. I felt the same way. Everyone I know is on pain meds and I just had to distance myself from that. Good thing the job always moves me away from that. I too have a lifetime of addiction people in my life, but sometimes it is way to much to deal with, and you have to think of yourself first. Especially if they are or may be a trigger for you to keep using. Good luck to you, keep posting and let us know how you are :)
Okay...Are you recovering now? Still taking Percocets once a month? How many?
Your story sounds like you're still co dependant. I know you say these folks seem to find you but that's no accident,Sweetie. I think you need to take a few steps back
from everyone and focus on yourself. It's just too much,you know? Try not to be so "available" for a little while.
Good luck~
V.
Your story sounds like you're still co dependant. I know you say these folks seem to find you but that's no accident,Sweetie. I think you need to take a few steps back
from everyone and focus on yourself. It's just too much,you know? Try not to be so "available" for a little while.
Good luck~
V.
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