Aa
rock bottom
Well, I have been lurking here for awhile. I kept reading stories of people hitting rock bottom and finally changing. Well rock bottom has arrived.
My neglect for my family the past year, absence from my normal self caused a lot of harm. Harm I never saw until finally my wife confronted me about what was wrong why am I acting this way. She did not know for sure about what I was doing but she is pretty smart and figured it all out. I stuck to my guns of not telling her until about a week later when a HUGE bomb hit the house. She was about two seconds away from cheating on me. And I don't blame her, I have spent the last year sleeping on the couch to enjoy my 'high' while watching tv. I have given her thousands of empty promises on a daily basis. My health has taken a turn for the worse, I am the heaviest I have ever been. I never do anything except sit around and worry about how to get my next fix. And to top it all off because of my actions I caused our bank account to go negative!
It has been 24hrs since my last "normal" dose and about 5 hours since my last "I didnt even know I took a pill because my tolerance is so high"
I am already feeling the WD I guess because in the past 24hrs my intake is down to about a third of what I was use to.
I am going to go to meetings this time. My wife knows this time, there is more on my plate than ever before to quit. This is it. I am done. We are going to see a marriage counsler as well.
I need all the help I can get!! Please if you have the time and desire pm me I can give you my email address. I need support like I have never needed it before.
In the last year I have been clean at most for a month. But the past three months have been an intense ride of daily pill poppin.
Thank you for listening.
Cheers to getting day one started!!
God Bless!
My neglect for my family the past year, absence from my normal self caused a lot of harm. Harm I never saw until finally my wife confronted me about what was wrong why am I acting this way. She did not know for sure about what I was doing but she is pretty smart and figured it all out. I stuck to my guns of not telling her until about a week later when a HUGE bomb hit the house. She was about two seconds away from cheating on me. And I don't blame her, I have spent the last year sleeping on the couch to enjoy my 'high' while watching tv. I have given her thousands of empty promises on a daily basis. My health has taken a turn for the worse, I am the heaviest I have ever been. I never do anything except sit around and worry about how to get my next fix. And to top it all off because of my actions I caused our bank account to go negative!
It has been 24hrs since my last "normal" dose and about 5 hours since my last "I didnt even know I took a pill because my tolerance is so high"
I am already feeling the WD I guess because in the past 24hrs my intake is down to about a third of what I was use to.
I am going to go to meetings this time. My wife knows this time, there is more on my plate than ever before to quit. This is it. I am done. We are going to see a marriage counsler as well.
I need all the help I can get!! Please if you have the time and desire pm me I can give you my email address. I need support like I have never needed it before.
In the last year I have been clean at most for a month. But the past three months have been an intense ride of daily pill poppin.
Thank you for listening.
Cheers to getting day one started!!
God Bless!
Hi there and welcome!
As you've already found out, you're not alone. My story is also very similar to yours. I have cervical spinal stenosis C1-C7 and osteoarthritis. Myaddiction took root long before these two diagnosis', but once I recieved them, it was alsmost as if I'd hit the lotto as I knew it would mean I'd have easier access to my DOC which was first vicodin, then norc 10/325 and lastly percocet 10/325. i've been abusing these meds for almost 6 years, but in the last year, my usage doubled. I was taking 100-130 mgs per day- some days even more. Towards the end, I wasn't even sure to be honest because I wasn't keeping very good track. I decided to stop 14 days ago after being confronted by a new doctor I went to see. He had obtained a report detailing my precription history. After that meeting, i was so scared and knew it was time. My husband had no idea I was abusing- he just thought I was taking my meds as prescribed, but did notice changes in me but thought it was due to my conditions. i ended up telling him everything, fearing the worst, but what I found was that all he wanted to do was help me help myself. Today is 14 days for me and the wd's have passed. Sleep isn't great and I have been having cravings on and off, but I have put an aftercare program in place- for me its one on one meetings with an addiction specialist. I have seriously thought about meetins too, but haven't taken that step yet.
This forum has been a godsend to me. I don't post as often as i did over the first week or so, but I read everything just to keep my mind in focus on the task before me. I wish you my best- You can do this! Keep posting!
Steph
As you've already found out, you're not alone. My story is also very similar to yours. I have cervical spinal stenosis C1-C7 and osteoarthritis. Myaddiction took root long before these two diagnosis', but once I recieved them, it was alsmost as if I'd hit the lotto as I knew it would mean I'd have easier access to my DOC which was first vicodin, then norc 10/325 and lastly percocet 10/325. i've been abusing these meds for almost 6 years, but in the last year, my usage doubled. I was taking 100-130 mgs per day- some days even more. Towards the end, I wasn't even sure to be honest because I wasn't keeping very good track. I decided to stop 14 days ago after being confronted by a new doctor I went to see. He had obtained a report detailing my precription history. After that meeting, i was so scared and knew it was time. My husband had no idea I was abusing- he just thought I was taking my meds as prescribed, but did notice changes in me but thought it was due to my conditions. i ended up telling him everything, fearing the worst, but what I found was that all he wanted to do was help me help myself. Today is 14 days for me and the wd's have passed. Sleep isn't great and I have been having cravings on and off, but I have put an aftercare program in place- for me its one on one meetings with an addiction specialist. I have seriously thought about meetins too, but haven't taken that step yet.
This forum has been a godsend to me. I don't post as often as i did over the first week or so, but I read everything just to keep my mind in focus on the task before me. I wish you my best- You can do this! Keep posting!
Steph
Well....Congrats on the wake up call....We have very similar stories. My RN wife did not know that I had a problem with the pills....She knew at one point for about a year I was prescribed them but had no idea I was doing them before and after....Long After! You are one of the lucky ones that had the sense and the support to see that it is truly a problem....You are lucky to have a wife that understands and is willing to work through things.....It sounds like you could really use some exercise and replace a bad habit with a good one. I highly recommend starting out slowly but if you could get your hands on a exercise bike it will really be low impact and you could start out slow.....Exercise is one of the best ways to fight withdrawal....Well, best of luck to you and I hope you stay strong and actually fight for your sobriety....Good luck and God bless!
Like I said before buddy, Detox is not easy, The RLS just about killed me too, Its always the worst part of it for me as well. This time i took a product, called Hylands Leg Cramps, you can probably find it at wal mart, I drank tonic water mixed with gatorade (someone told me it has quininine in it which is supposed to help), and Bananas, I also tok a lot of hot baths, up to 8 a day, with epsom salts in the baths. This relieved my RLS quite a bit compared to my other 3 detoxes. I know everyone is different but It may be worth a try, give it a shot.
I really feel for you about your pain issues, this is something I cannot relate to cause I was just using for recreation. But I'm sure you'll get some tips from members with similar situations, just hang around, and hang in there!
It seems like you have a plan in place, your preparing yourself which is good. I know you can do this! You have the support of your wife, you have a child to motivate you and you have this forum to talk you through everything. Keep postin and best wishes to you, God Bless,
KJ
I really feel for you about your pain issues, this is something I cannot relate to cause I was just using for recreation. But I'm sure you'll get some tips from members with similar situations, just hang around, and hang in there!
It seems like you have a plan in place, your preparing yourself which is good. I know you can do this! You have the support of your wife, you have a child to motivate you and you have this forum to talk you through everything. Keep postin and best wishes to you, God Bless,
KJ
I have no more pills. I gave the phone number of the guy I was getting them from to my wife and deleted it from my phone. That way she can check our phone records to see if I called him. I know a little much but I think it will help.
We went for a walk with our two sons just now at the park. Pushed the stroller up a very steep hill and it felt good to get my lungs breathing again. Before this I was a very active person, though never a super athlete.
I keep going back and forth being happy and sad. I dread the wd's and the restless legs and arms that are coming soon. That was always the worst part for me in the past. I can deal with everything else but that. I don't have much cravings now but I know they will come.
My biggest problem right now is how do I find a good aa group in my area? Is there a website??
Just for the record, I was using between 40mg-and depending on my 'luck' 80-90mg a day hydro's.
I just got an MRI last week and they determined I have stenosis of the L1 and L2 vertebrae or disc degenerative disease.
So since I was an idiot and screwed up my ability to take meds to help that is another road I need to travel, how to control the pain, because I do have pain.
I am going to be going to a physical therapy place this week I hope.
Thanks everyone!
We went for a walk with our two sons just now at the park. Pushed the stroller up a very steep hill and it felt good to get my lungs breathing again. Before this I was a very active person, though never a super athlete.
I keep going back and forth being happy and sad. I dread the wd's and the restless legs and arms that are coming soon. That was always the worst part for me in the past. I can deal with everything else but that. I don't have much cravings now but I know they will come.
My biggest problem right now is how do I find a good aa group in my area? Is there a website??
Just for the record, I was using between 40mg-and depending on my 'luck' 80-90mg a day hydro's.
I just got an MRI last week and they determined I have stenosis of the L1 and L2 vertebrae or disc degenerative disease.
So since I was an idiot and screwed up my ability to take meds to help that is another road I need to travel, how to control the pain, because I do have pain.
I am going to be going to a physical therapy place this week I hope.
Thanks everyone!
Your storry sounds very similar to mine( the hiding it...the money etc.)....know that you are not alone. I will share my story with you if you want when your feeling better, WD's can be brutal...I am sorry for everything that has happened to you but you are doing the right thing now. Stay on the forum like everyone has suggested. It helped me immensely, If you need to talk to someone, one on one, you can Just message them. Im on day 13 CT off 120mg oxyy per day habit. I wouldn't have been able to do it without the help and support and advice of the people here. Keep posting and you will be able to get excellent tips on how to make WD's easier, advice support and encouragement. I wish you all the luck in the world...Stay strong...You can do this!! Let me know if I can help in anyway. Wishing you the best!
KJ
KJ
Hi, welcome here :)
I would advice you to read the thomas recipe and the amino acid protocol on the health pages ( right side of the screen ) and also to read posts from people going through wds right now to see what they are doing. It seems you are doing a really quick taper, so to speak , and this is the reason you are already feeling some symptons of wds even though still taking some pills. I would advice you just to flush the rest of the pills left and go for it. Quitting is the best decision you could have taken. Not only you might be saving your marriage but also your life :) Well done, keep yourself on the positive, the mental part is tough and we need feeding our minds with positive thoughts. Stay here for support, it is a good place :) and now, Good luck !!
I would advice you to read the thomas recipe and the amino acid protocol on the health pages ( right side of the screen ) and also to read posts from people going through wds right now to see what they are doing. It seems you are doing a really quick taper, so to speak , and this is the reason you are already feeling some symptons of wds even though still taking some pills. I would advice you just to flush the rest of the pills left and go for it. Quitting is the best decision you could have taken. Not only you might be saving your marriage but also your life :) Well done, keep yourself on the positive, the mental part is tough and we need feeding our minds with positive thoughts. Stay here for support, it is a good place :) and now, Good luck !!
Hi & Welcome,
You are in the right place and you are not alone. Listen, it is just my opinion---but I think you would be better off staying here in the forum and talking with a bunch of members, getting suggestions and all--rather than one on one in an email. Of course the choice is yours.
So tell us what your symptoms are and we can suggest some home remedies that will help ease the physical withdrawal.
Hang in there and know that it will be over soon and you will be on your way to getting your life back.
You are in the right place and you are not alone. Listen, it is just my opinion---but I think you would be better off staying here in the forum and talking with a bunch of members, getting suggestions and all--rather than one on one in an email. Of course the choice is yours.
So tell us what your symptoms are and we can suggest some home remedies that will help ease the physical withdrawal.
Hang in there and know that it will be over soon and you will be on your way to getting your life back.
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