Tough Stuff

[jlannspr]

Third time is a charm, right?! Today is Day 4 again....I always fail around days 25-30. I feel so strong and that one or two can't hurt. I always feel like if I just had 1 dro then I could conquer the world. I've come here to read today and keep me grounded. Each relapse has helped me to recognize triggers, and each time overcome those triggers. Now, I have to ward off triggers before I give in. Thank you all for inspiration.

"In 100 days, you'll wish you would have started today"

[4adifferentlife]

A few years ago, nowhere near the dependancy I had, in last year.. I stopped because a few people were talking and my husband said "I think you have a problem", ofcourse embarrassed I said "no I don't" and those days ibwould use them for a week or so run out and have to wait sometimes days or weeks later to get anymore, because I didn't know any dealers I could ask, that wouldn't tell. So..after he saiid that to me I thought I'll show him, so I stopped for 5 or 6 months, even turning down when someone would offer, always knowing someday and looking so forward to that day I could handle just 1.. so, I got hooked into a dealer, truthfully a wolf in sheeps clothing, and guess what? They never told! I can't look forward to a pill that is not normal, I can only look forward to healing being free.. Prayer and so many tears haven gotten me where, that I want to. I've soul searched and asked would you have been here if the money issues hadn't arose?? Probably not, but GOD has to get our attention someway, and everything happens for a reason..I knew that I couldn't take the torment anymore, what a burden, shame lying sneaking stealing.. I cannot take that life, anymore, and worrying what if I've taken too many, lay down and dont wake up, my family would have to live with she overdosed, nope not for me, not this minute.

[jlannspr]

Thanks for the response. The worst part after the w/d are the "what ifs", "hows", etc. Constantly thinking how am I going to make it without the super pills. In reality, the natural highs last way longer that the artificial highs. I have way longer spurts of energy being clean! I keep telling myself that for so long I was giving my body a "fake" feeling of high, and that it was not natural; if God intended us to feel that good, well, we would feel that good. I look forward to day 7, for some reason I feel like after day 7, it's all mental and this time I will be strong. Best of Luck.

Oh and I feel ya on the bills!! I have put off student loans for 3 years, got behind on bills, borrowed money, and I owe so much now! It makes me sick to know my bills could be paid off with the $$$ wasted on the pills.

[4adifferentlife]

I too am rolling on day 5, each day is a milestone? Right, this morning I cleaned out the cabinet when my husbands old rx bottles were stored, I had kept most of them for the better  part of year, not sure why I kept them I guess to me they felt safe, ofcourse they were empty, but I had to give them a shake, tossed them in garbage looked at them, gelt shame and covered them over, just couldn't look them.. All of us have sobering moments, cash, worrying how will I function?? Will I fail? Again! Temptation, seemling always somewhere. Today, I feel like I haven't felt, truthfully w/d's seem to be gone, last night I slept better (but my sleep had gotten messed up, when school got out), I wa troubled with stiff arms for the last month even while taken my candy, but last night no stiffness at all and feel really good, I think, I know the pills were causing my arms to hurt. Today, the mailman run, naturally I dreaded it, got bills in, and done something I hadn't done, I went to the bill cabinet, pulled out the ones that are due, and I said GOD help me find a way to pay... This is new start new beginning, it is a gift, and another chance, one we may not feel or think we deserve, but SOMEONE loves us, and knows we are worth this!! Keep going, I believe where we've been, didn't work, so only great things to come. Praying for You!

[jlannspr]

Updating...Yesterday cravings hit pretty hard around 6 p.m. I always crave when I'm getting ready to do an activity sober! I even searched for pills, anything. Couldn't find a single pill, but after 30 minutes the craving was gone, I completed by activity, and today I'm sooo glad I didn't find anything. I felt awesome this morning, day 5, starting to get a few mood swings, but that's normal. I smiled this morning at my co-workers, a real genuine smile. I'm usually so cranky when I'm using. I have tried to quit 3 times; I can never get to day 30. I want to experience what a full month feels like sober. After that, 2 monthes, 3 monthes, etc. Keep posting the success stories they are more motivation than you will ever know.

[criscross]

have you tried N.A ? good place to be around that 25 days mark or any time really ...

[criscross]

just realised ive put the above in the wrong place , sorry jlannspr! its my first time using this and im clueless!! well done mate

[criscross]

im just about to head off to southern eire where i got mates to do a clean up , my plan [ and i have had many many plans berfore!!] is to slip from H to meth for 2 days then codine for a week or 10 days then raw withdrawl taking naltraxon on the 5th day [which block opiates from working for 3 days ] then do that untill im strong enough to travel home and get a 3 month naltraxon implant fitted!!?   any feedback ? does it sound do able?

peace and love    chris

[jibi07]

your thinking positive, thats great!! And thank you as well!! :-)

[jlannspr]

Thank you! I can't go back, it's not an option. I'm looking forward to day 25 this time. I want to beat it, I am going to beat it. Day 7 is an accomplishment, I have it marked in my phone! Best of Luck to you and Congrats!

[jibi07]

hi there, first, congrats on day 4... .i'm on day 7 and already feeling much better, you said you always fail around days 25-30... what are you usually doing on those days.... change your routine maybe, if these are the days you relapse, maybe trying going away for those few days, to somewhere where you know you can't get anything, get over that hump, then go back home... just try to occupy yourself during that time so your not even thinking about it.... i hope the best for you Jl..... you can do this!! :-)