i want to thank each and evry one of you for your comments. I was feeling like **** when i posted snd as i was waiting for a response my doorbell rang. My mother came over with presens and my kids came home(they spent day with parents) i just sat down after entertaining them, and them me your comments help me every time it is still a little hard for me to post but it is so rewrding (he still not here) but that ok i am sober