Aa
sons surgery
So I tried to talk to my husband tonight about him taking our sons meds and leaving what he needs for the day and he flipped out! Told me that if I can not control my addiction that we do not need to stay married! OMG what a jerk! I can not believe that he does not understand my situation! Ugggg well I will rely on my mom I guess....just venting!
He said if I would stoop to taking my sons meds then I have a problem! You think?! No sh(% Sherlock I have a problem! Wow he understand so much! NOT! I can deal not a problem just needed to vent my frustrations!
He said if I would stoop to taking my sons meds then I have a problem! You think?! No sh(% Sherlock I have a problem! Wow he understand so much! NOT! I can deal not a problem just needed to vent my frustrations!
oh sweetie I am so sorry for you too! Why do people have to judge others that way! Just because they are Perfect in their own mind does not mean they are! There is nothing fun about WD and for them to even think its in our minds is so beyond me! Yea we like feeling like sh*& its so fun and we want to do this each and every day of our lives! seeesh Men! love you and praying for you too!
I have been thinking and praying for you all day as my "we sh*t on everything husband" told me today, " its not my fault you just cant get over this w/d sh*t"....I was like are you for real? Do you think maybe you could use your brain, Im w/d whats your excuse. Needless to say it has been a very pleasant day in my household as well. I really think some hubbies just lack a sensitivity and common sense gene. Im sending you good thoughts and prayers to get through this I know you can do it. Keep posting Sister, much love XXOO
Hi,
i'm sorry to be rude, but that was a really sh**ttything for your husband to come off with, i'm really sorry he isn't being more understanding and making you feel even more worthless by accusing you of 'stooping to that level'. Keep coming on here and I would be more than happy to talk to you anytime and who knows, maybe we could actually help each other. Just stay strong and remember you are not alone with this, all of us on here are going through it too. Love and God Bless, im 100% behind you.xx.
i'm sorry to be rude, but that was a really sh**ttything for your husband to come off with, i'm really sorry he isn't being more understanding and making you feel even more worthless by accusing you of 'stooping to that level'. Keep coming on here and I would be more than happy to talk to you anytime and who knows, maybe we could actually help each other. Just stay strong and remember you are not alone with this, all of us on here are going through it too. Love and God Bless, im 100% behind you.xx.
I think I"m donenomoreI gave you great advice. It is very hard for a non addict to understand addiction but there is a difference in not understanding and being a jerk. It doesn't sound like he would be open to an alanon meeting but it would be great if he was. Family of addicts need support and understanding also.
Clean you are truly amazing! Thank you for your support! Yes my husband is one of those that does every thing to the extreme! Addiction, depression. etc is all in our heads and we are weak if we think other wise! Thank GOD I know the difference and know what I need to do!
Dang Connie, you so nailed it!!! "Those who aren't "open" to exposing their addiction or their "issues" in a support group setting tend to have a very wealthy lifestyle or "position in society" where they fear their "image" would perhaps be tainted. Their hubby's hold "high up" positions in society, work in a bank, etc. "the family" has this "image to maintain"....and IF their wife would actually show up in a public support group.....they fear the stigma of which I speak would affect that. " Your statement is so true i am living proof!
Girl, I'm so sorry your heart got hurt. We SO want to be understood, don't we? (and particularly from someone as close to us as our spouses!) In a very tense moment around my house some weeks ago, I too got really hurt and it was revealed to me that my hubby "STILL" lacks a true understanding of addiction. You'd think after living with ME (haha) all this time, he'd have learned a bit....and not that he hasn't learned "something"...cause I think he has.....but he hates to see me in so much pain, and during a volatile convo he said, "Well, you wouldn't have to live in such pain if YOU hadn't DONE THIS to YOURSELF!!"
WHOA Nellie!!!!!
Your hubby using the word "control" in the same sentence as "addiction" and thinking you CAN "control" your addiction reveals A LOT!! (about HIM...not YOU) It also sends this false message to us that we "ought to" be able to control our disease but even more importantly, it reveals to us that they don't, can't and haven't yet learned enough about our illness (or they don't REALLY believe it IS an illness/disease).
I guess it's to be expected though, for those that don't TRULY, REALLY understand the disease of addiction because they haven't ever walked in our shoes, huh?
There is a HUGE stigma in our world STILL...about addiction. We've come a LONG ways in the past 30 yrs....but the stigma remains. We can no more give our loved ones "a desire to UNDERSTAND and LEARN about addiction" any more than they could give us a desire to get/stay clean.
The old saying, "Ignorance is Bliss" may apply (but I tend to think it's "pride" myself to some degree) Because the uninformed/inexperienced person simply CANNOT have any empathy or give recognition for the enormous amount of suffering in the lives of an addict. And even if we try to "help" them, offer video links, print out material, give them articles to read... we can't make them WANT to learn it. Nor can we "make" them understand it. They have to have a willingness, too....because, if for no other reason than that they love us. I find PRIDE is a big culprit here.
I have a son-in-law who is one of those that once he "makes up his mind" to quit anything, i.e., lose weight, change a habit, eliminate nicotine, not drink, whatever...he just DOES IT. He has a very high IQ....and guess what? He has NO EMPATHY....I mean ZERO empathy for other human beings because of this! He has NEVER....in his entire life (thus far) ever, I mean EVER "come to the end of himself". Where "something" was greater than he was. I feel sorry for him, actually.
I don't know anything about your lifestyle or your hubby...but I want to share something I "see" here on this forum. Those who aren't "open" to exposing their addiction or their "issues" in a support group setting tend to have a very wealthy lifestyle or "position in society" where they fear their "image" would perhaps be tainted. Their hubby's hold "high up" positions in society, work in a bank, etc. "the family" has this "image to maintain"....and IF their wife would actually show up in a public support group.....they fear the stigma of which I speak would affect that.
That's why I say "pride". Maybe not the addict's pride necessarily....but perhaps the pride of their spouse. So maybe it's not solely about "understanding" addiction.
If you should want to view, read or share info about this hurtful "stigma" I speak of....the hbo addiction web site has some great articles and short videos on the right of each page that further explain what I'm long-windedly talking about (sorry).
Here's the link:
http://www.hbo.com/addiction/stigma/52_coping_with_stigma.html
Bottom line Bear, your hubby is just acting like a person who doesn't have any knowledge of our disease. I'm glad you have your Mom there...and hope your son's surgery and recovery will go well~
WHOA Nellie!!!!!
Your hubby using the word "control" in the same sentence as "addiction" and thinking you CAN "control" your addiction reveals A LOT!! (about HIM...not YOU) It also sends this false message to us that we "ought to" be able to control our disease but even more importantly, it reveals to us that they don't, can't and haven't yet learned enough about our illness (or they don't REALLY believe it IS an illness/disease).
I guess it's to be expected though, for those that don't TRULY, REALLY understand the disease of addiction because they haven't ever walked in our shoes, huh?
There is a HUGE stigma in our world STILL...about addiction. We've come a LONG ways in the past 30 yrs....but the stigma remains. We can no more give our loved ones "a desire to UNDERSTAND and LEARN about addiction" any more than they could give us a desire to get/stay clean.
The old saying, "Ignorance is Bliss" may apply (but I tend to think it's "pride" myself to some degree) Because the uninformed/inexperienced person simply CANNOT have any empathy or give recognition for the enormous amount of suffering in the lives of an addict. And even if we try to "help" them, offer video links, print out material, give them articles to read... we can't make them WANT to learn it. Nor can we "make" them understand it. They have to have a willingness, too....because, if for no other reason than that they love us. I find PRIDE is a big culprit here.
I have a son-in-law who is one of those that once he "makes up his mind" to quit anything, i.e., lose weight, change a habit, eliminate nicotine, not drink, whatever...he just DOES IT. He has a very high IQ....and guess what? He has NO EMPATHY....I mean ZERO empathy for other human beings because of this! He has NEVER....in his entire life (thus far) ever, I mean EVER "come to the end of himself". Where "something" was greater than he was. I feel sorry for him, actually.
I don't know anything about your lifestyle or your hubby...but I want to share something I "see" here on this forum. Those who aren't "open" to exposing their addiction or their "issues" in a support group setting tend to have a very wealthy lifestyle or "position in society" where they fear their "image" would perhaps be tainted. Their hubby's hold "high up" positions in society, work in a bank, etc. "the family" has this "image to maintain"....and IF their wife would actually show up in a public support group.....they fear the stigma of which I speak would affect that.
That's why I say "pride". Maybe not the addict's pride necessarily....but perhaps the pride of their spouse. So maybe it's not solely about "understanding" addiction.
If you should want to view, read or share info about this hurtful "stigma" I speak of....the hbo addiction web site has some great articles and short videos on the right of each page that further explain what I'm long-windedly talking about (sorry).
Here's the link:
http://www.hbo.com/addiction/stigma/52_coping_with_stigma.html
Bottom line Bear, your hubby is just acting like a person who doesn't have any knowledge of our disease. I'm glad you have your Mom there...and hope your son's surgery and recovery will go well~
Thank you for your comment! I have tried to talk to him but he does not understand. He thinks that any thing that is wrong with you is all in your head! Makes life very hard but I will get threw this! My son knows about my addiction and is very thoughtful regarding it so I know between us we can do this! I am going to write a log every day and both of us will sign each time I give him a pill! Some great advice I received here!
I hate to say this but he may be trying to get you mad enough or hurt you bad enough so you will take them. He may not know how to deal with the clean you. He may be afraid you'll get to strong and see him for what he is. Anyway we're here to support you. God Bless
Oh i can hear your struggle, and i am sorry. I cant imagine not having support. Just know that success is the sweetest revenge!!!! You got this you are doing just great!!! HAve you tried to educate him on addiction? My hubby doesn't understand it either, but i would send him some literature on addiction via emails just so he can try to understand me. It did help us some, but he will NEVER understand what we go through, and PLEASE know your a great Mommy, and i will tell you my secret, one of my many relapses, was when i took my daughters pills when she broke her back, talk about the guilt, ugh what an idiot i was. It dosent make me a bad mom, but for sure i made a bad choice. BUt, on a positive note, i learned from that episode and told hubby that i cant be around any pills and never and i mean NEVER trust me when pills are involved. Sorry, i do not want to take over your thread i just wanted to share that your not alone in this.... HUGS..Dane
Thank you all for your support! I could not of gotten this far without all of you! I WILL do this and be stronger for it! My mind is set not to fail! If not for myself, for my kids! Love you all!
Yes Spider that is a good name for them! I knew you could relate with me! I think we are sisters and dont know it! lol love you girl!
Bear, I'm so sorry your husband reacted this way. This must have been very painful for you.
But I do want to offer one bit of advice - try to go easy on him. You're right, they do NOT understand our addiction, but we have to be forgiving about that. Please try to see this from his point of view. I think with time, he'll begin to understand what addiction means, and the consequences surrounding our disease, but unless you have lived it, you couldn't possibly understand where we are coming from. And I'm sure that's what's happening with him right now.
And let your Mom help. :)
But I do want to offer one bit of advice - try to go easy on him. You're right, they do NOT understand our addiction, but we have to be forgiving about that. Please try to see this from his point of view. I think with time, he'll begin to understand what addiction means, and the consequences surrounding our disease, but unless you have lived it, you couldn't possibly understand where we are coming from. And I'm sure that's what's happening with him right now.
And let your Mom help. :)
Girl, I just saw this. It still amazes me at how ignorant some people are about addiction. I'm here if you need to talk girl, you are doing great and will get through this!
Hey Bear, I've been watching your thread and hesitate to comment cause I don't have the answer but wanted to toss my support in the mix. I was in this same scenario in August as well as agin in Nov. with my kiddo's having tonsils out etc. Anyway I couldn't sleep well with the meds in the house. I administer the meds for 3-4 days then I thru it away which in itself is risky in case your son has a flair up. One member here gave me the advice to go put the meds in a safe deposit box and only get out the amount for the child for that day and return each day and reload. That would have been my next step. Write down all the reason's you don't want to go down the pill road again and keep it handy. Prayin for strength to ya.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I told ALL of my kids when I started so they would watch me so that they would see how bad it stunk to go c/t. It was the only way for me, if your husband wont help, they will. And kids are resiliant....they love us!
Sign me up for that club ladies! Mr trigger lives here too! Bear I'm so sorry about your son and this dilemma! You are stronger than you think. I hope you will find a way to do this....I will pray for ya honey!
Bear I am so sorry you are also married to an As@@hole. I think you are doing Amazing and are so smart to get rid of temptation. I hope your son feels better soon, praying for you.
Our husbands could start their own gang.........."Turds with Tudes", our mission statement....."We sh*t on everything"!
Lil bear, I am sorry to say that I relate more than you know! F*ckin turds........."some husbands"! I live with that same tude here with my "Mr. Wonderful"! In the past, that display of nonsupport would send me into burn rubber mode and "oh ya, watch what I do now sucker"......self destruct.....that'll show him! HONK! No, not anymore......just p*sses me off! to where I want to succeed if only to shove it in his judgy face! You're going to be fine, your son is going to be fine. Thinkin about ya.....glad you're venting! Much love girl......March on! Hugs xo
Thank you so much! I may even have my son hide them after I take out and log what he needs for the day! He is awesome and supports me more than my husband so I totally trust him! He knows what I am going threw so I know he would not sneak any! He does not even what to take any but I told him he will need them for the pain! He is very mature for 14!
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
