I'm so sorry that you are in so much pain, both emotionally and physically. Please "whine" and vent all that you need to, there is just so much intense emotion inside of you right now and it needs a place to come out. I've had some training in grief work, and one thing I know for sure is that grief is messy. Contrary to popular belief, there is no nice, neat progression through specific, easily identifiable stages....you just kind of bounce all over place for awhile, back and forth through different emotions and mindsets, and everyone's experience is different. There is no set timeline, and no "right or wrong" when it comes to grief. Eventually people tend to reach some sort of resolve, but again, that resolve is very individualized and looks different for everyone. Thinking of you and sending love <3
I have to agree with the above here. I will keep you in my Prayers..I could not start the Grieving groups until way later and when I went to a new church I could not even sing or dance to the music. I was in la-la land..It does take time to come around and even have that faith again..YOUR Circle has been Broken and it will take some time to even feel one step ahead..Now this is just how I have been feeling..I too just UPd all my Support because of all of this, as you know..My Heart Aches for YOU and all I can say is that I will hold you close in my Prayers. NO WORDS CAN HELP RIGHT NOW!!!
May the Lord hold your hand tightly.
Bless
Hey Kaye!
Boy, do I feel for you! I've been smothered in platitudes and joined more grief support groups than I'd care to admit. I want to share just two small thoughts with you today, both of which were offered me under similar circumstances.
First, don't let anyone—including your "inner committee"—tell you there's a "right way" to grieve. You need support not nagging, and just as agonizing as withdrawal, grief simply takes time. There are no short cuts. The good news is you possess the inner strength to pull it off. My al-anon sponsor used to tell me I needed to apply the three G's to my relationship with myself in order to give it a chance—Get off my back, Get out of my way and Get on with my own life. Food for thought anyhow!
Finally, probably the greatest possible provider of relief for you through this is sitting right under your nose: the twelfth step. You rose from misery so quickly in early recovery by reaching out and being incredibly helpful to countless others. Use the gift you have and you'll discover moments of peace when you least expect them. What's that line from the St. Francis prayer, "...It is by self-forgetting that one finds..."
Anyhow, at the end of the day, just hang in there, keep showing up and if you don't pick up, it gets different.
I won't give you platitudes. You are hurting really badly, and that is totally normal. It is horrible to lose a loved one under any circumstances. Please know that I believe, without reservation, that while Joe is gone from his earthly body, his consciousness, his soul, the special thing that made him HIM, is eternal and can NEVER die.
We all end up in the same place, on different levels. You will see him again. Just not physically, not right now. I'm so sorry...I wish I could take some of the hurt from you and carry it myself for a while. Think about what how he wants you to be, and its okay to talk to him to. He can hear you...and I'm not being weird.
We're hear for you, honey. You have fierce spirits in your corner...Love, R.
Hi there, yeah i think going to a grief support group is a really good idea.
You really have to have people around you who understand what your going through.
I think "time" will be your best friend in the end.
I dony want to really say too much because this is a very gentle subject.
But i will say, im here for you always.
xoxo
Oh PK, you are so new to all of this. 2 weeks is really no time at all during grief. Please don't expect very much of yourself right now.
I am so glad you are going to a grief support group. I wish I had done that.
There is a great support site that I found called Widowed Village. It has chat rooms, blogs, all sorts of great resources. It is very large so there are people who have been widowed for days, months and years.
If you go into the chat rooms, make sure you tell them you are new and they will help you.
It's widowedvillage.org I hope you check it out and that it brings you some comfort.
Hugs
I just noticed I'm still talking about Joe in the present tense...I guess I still haven't accepted. I have put off picking the Urns up but maybe I better...I HAVE to accept that he is gone or I won't ever get better...right? Please tell me I'm right ... God I hope I'm right...but I fear the added pain at the same time and I also think "God Joe would hate being at that place he would want to be home with me"
And yes, I'm going to go to a grief support group starting next week. First I have to be able to drive without crying...I haven't managed to do that yet because the group is in Fairhope...right in the same complex where I always had to take Joe for his doctors, his rehabs, his physical therapies ... I'm trying to see if I can find another one that won't put me smack dab in the middle of memories.