Day 7 and I dodged the bullet!

[Ashamedmama]

Work was brutal I have to say. Very long day. But, I made it and it didn't kill me. I'm am going thru some pretty strong cravings today. Thankfully the pills didn't come today!!! Keeping my fingers crossed that tomorrow is a bit easier!
Hope everyone is well!

[Ashamedmama]

Gnarly, NA isn't something I think I can do. I live in a small town and no one knows about my problem except my husband and right now I'm not willing to risk it. This site, the amazing people here, are my support right now and I am so very grateful for that!

[gnarly_1]

Hi  well the real key here is to lock them up  you can get a safe from harbor freight for around 30 bucks   amazon has lock boxes for around the same this will work for the short term as addicts we will find the pills one way or another....you need to get past the addictive behaviors and the only thing I know that will work for that is N/A it is a simple progam that works....in time and you work the progam you will loose the very desire to use I tried substance abuse counselors the pastor at my church even a shrink  but it wasent until I hit the rooms of N/A that I finely addressed the addict and addictive behavior time to do something pro active in your recovery google N/A meetings in your aera............Gnarly

[Junip]

As you know, my husband is disabled with chronic severe pain and is on opiates through pain management.  He takes a fraction of what he is prescribed, which is how I had access.  He used to hide them and I always found them. This last time he bought a heavy duty safe for $70.  They must be locked up.  You need to have his locked. Even after the hell of detox and never wanting to go through that again, I would probably take something if I found them. Please get a safe!

[Cricketk92]

Morning!  So glad that you made it through another day and are feeling OK!!!  The days will get easier as long as you dont use!  Im so scared for you when the pills come.... Can you find some outside support to help you through?  If not for right now just do as BD says and come here and read through your posts!  You are in such a better place than when you first started posting!!!  We are all here for you and routing you on!!!!  XO  Karen

[Ashamedmama]

Hmm it keeps deleting the last half of my comment.

[Ashamedmama]

Hahaha! I watch Sister Wives, I know what's up! You are a wonderful human being for doing that in my honor. I'm tearing up.

[Ashamedmama]

Hahaha! I watch Sister Wives, I know what's up! You are a wonderful human being for doing that in my honor. I'm tearing up.

[Bigdaddy1313]

Ash, one last comment and than I'm going to bed. I'm not suggesting or thinking you should dump any pills. Just please make a plan. Get some help. Create some distance. If you get overwhelmed and if you put a pill in your hand please don't put it in your mouth without getting on line and reading a few random posts. Re-read your first post when you were scared, afraid and felt all alone. That is the only thing that opiates will give you. Opiates are a jealous pricck . They want us to think about only them only, they want to control your life, they want to make a mess out of your finances, they want you to come to them when you are lonely. Ultimately they want to end your life.

[Bigdaddy1313]

I just flushed them in your honor. By the way I'm in Utah. (No wonder I'm on drugs with 5 wives always nagging at me!) (Utah Joke)

[Bigdaddy1313]

As you are aware it will get better and better physically. I'm sorry your husband needs them and that is understandable. I don't care who you are if you take opiates for an extended period you will become dependent or addicted. I know exactly what you mean about the mental part knowing there in the house. My wife used to hide my pain meds and it usually took me 15 minutes to find them. You need to have some type of plan because Your brain had had the sh#t kicked out of it and it is going to take months to heal. 30, 60 and 90 days are benchmark dates when getting clean. I'm really concerned that it is going to be really hard to not give in when their right there in front of you. I'm not sure where you are from but if you were near I would lend your hubby my portable safe with only he knowing the combination. If you have a family member who knows what's going on you could ask them to help with this temptation. All you need is time and it will get easier and easier to not think and obsess over them. My son has some perc's downstairs from a dentist appointment and I have no urge or thought of taking them. Even though I feel 100 percent confident that I won't it is still stupid for me to have them here. I'm going to go flush them right now. My kids dental work was months ago and I think he said he took one. I'm going to dump them in your honor and I know you can't do the same with your hubby's meds but please give it some thought of how to put some distance between you and them. If you use I use so please don't screw up my two years of sobriety:)

[Ashamedmama]

I won't be home when they come, and the thought of them in the house terrifies me. Do I think I can kick this as long as they're around? No I don't. I want them to never come again! I know I could do this if they were gone. I wouldn't even know how to find them otherwise.
My husband is a disabled vet, and he doesn't abuse them, but he's been on them for long he's addicted too. But he looks at as help for his pain and I can't tell him to quit because I'm an addict. I told him I didn't want anything to do with them anymore. I am going to remind him to hide them good until we can get a more secure place. Thing is, I'm going to know they're around and even if I can't get them, they're still there! I think it's going to drive me crazy!
I just got a job at the beginning of this month. I have been unemployed and being a housewife/stay-at-home mom for the past 6 years. Which is when the using became a real problem. So anyway, I couldn't take time off. I've been working from the start of this and I honestly don't know how I'm functioning. I worked 10.5 hrs today and I'm so tired, but I can't sleep. The RLS has subsided a bit but it's still there.

[Bigdaddy1313]

Congrats on making it through work. That shows you are a very strong person. I've been clean for almost 2 years but I could not make it back to work until about day 10. Thank God I have two months of paid time off a year.

[Bigdaddy1313]

Ash, what does your husband say. Can't he cut them off and lock them in a safe. I don't think it is fair to you if he has them lying around. You are doing soooooo Good. Don't give up your clean time. Don't be home when the mail comes and have your husband or a friend intercept the delivery. Down the road you will be strong enough to just say screw it I don't want those but with a week of clean time under your belt right now is not a good time. Tell me about your hubby and his thoughts.

[Ashamedmama]

I don't know what else to do. How do I avoid the mine field? I can't. It's going to happen. Help?

[Bigdaddy1313]

Tomorrow will not be easier if you are around opiates. Please don't let your addict brain to trick  you into thinking it will be different. If you're having cravings today  tomorrow you will have cravings that much I can promise. You are walking in a land mine area right now. Do the right thing now to avoid a huge mistake tomorrow.