Miss the old me!

[Sandy672009]

I am 42, mother of 3 wonderful kids, and 1 g-baby. I grew up with  alcoholic drug addicted parents and always said I would never be like that. I had uterine cancer and had to have a hysterectomy at the age of 39. After the surgery and the treatments I'm now addicted to loratab. My mother helped in supplying me with them until I found a doctor that would subscribe 60 pills a month for me, along with getting more at other places. I take anywhere between 8 to 10 a day when I have them. I have tried to quit and couldn't handle the withdrawls. My problem is that my boyfriend of 3 years was in a car accident in 98 and has a metal plate in his back and gets 120 percs a month and he only takes 2 a day so that leaves me with the rest. How can I quit when I have access to them so easily through him? I have been able to get off the loratabs and then my boyfriend gets his script and it all starts over again. I use to be a strong, outgoing, sucessful woman and now I feel weak. I never seem to have the energy to do the things that I want. I also have multiple sclerosis, and a bladder diease and have a lot of pain among a list of other problems. How can I do good for all those years and then just go downhill? I don't smoke, or drink but I am an addict!

[Sandy672009]

I can't see him getting off the meds because he has back and leg problems. U wish I could just take 2 like he does. I started out taking just 2 and was taking only that for about a year. I have thought about maybe it would be best If we were not together and I could then be able to take care of ME.  

[Sandy672009]

I do have some underlying problems. I had a rough childhood having both my parents being alcoholics, but I have forgiven them and have a good relationship with them, eventhough it was hard. I was strong enough to make it through all that and all the other obsticles that have occurred, such as divorce, etc. After having the surgeries I managed to get off the meds and went back to work. I use to do home health nursing, but with the multiple sclerosis I decided it would be best to do sitting work with the elderly. After 3 mths of being back to work, I was sitting with a elderly lady that was living with her son and his 3 teenage kids. Oneday I went to work and it's a long story of how that morning went at work, but it was a very scary time, the elderly lady's son was down in his back and I brought him something to drink and tried telling him to go to a dr but ge said he was tired of going and they couldn't help him, he said he didn't want to live like this anymore and I told him his kids needed him, anyway my co worker was coming on to relieve me and I told her we needed to get in touch with someone about his condition and she took my concern as being over dramatic, stating that he's strange because he was a therapist and always acting odd and I said this was different, anyway I went back to his bedroom to tell him bye but I was going to wait outside for his 19 yr old son t get home because he and his sister were due to come home any minute. When I got to his door and knocked on it I heard a familiar sound that I know from when my husband use to be into hunting and into guns. I called his name and openef the door and at the same time thinking in my head that I should run. As the door opened the gun went off. Half his head was gone and that's a picture that I wil never get out of my head. While the parametics, and police were there his son drove up and came up to me and asked what was wrong with his grandmother and I had to tell those kids that their dad was gone. The detective told me that he had 5 guns on his bed and he probably had plans of taking out everyone. I don't know how to deal with it all. I know pills are not the answer.

[GA Guy]

If he's only taking 60 a month, then I'd have him reduce his dosages accordingly. Then buy him a nice lockbox and have him keeps his meds under lock and key. You then need to come clean to your doctor and stop that supply. NA/AA meetings would be a good idea to help you get through the first few months. the temptation will always be there if you don't find a way to cope with your emotions.

[daisy699]

Addiction has a funny way of reoccuring time and again! You may have done well for a number of years but did you ever adress the underlying problems that may have made you use before?? addiction NEVER goes away and for me until I got to the root of the problems I always went back it became a coping mechanism. Until you are really ready to put everything down and face your pain (mentally and physically) head on then I am afraid to say yur addiction will ALWAYS resurface. Once you have gone through the wd from the meds I would look into non-narcotic pain management and some aftercare aa/ na therapist?? Good luck

[IBKleen]

Hi & Welcome,

I would have a heck of a time staying off of the pills if I had that access.

Your boyfriend was in the car accident 11 years ago and only takes two a day so what are the chances you two work on him getting off of them first. that way you won't have access to as many and you can begin YOUR plan for recovery.

Any chance of that?