Aftercare and reasons for addiction?

[Secondguess]

I was hoping to get everyone's opinion on efficient and effective aftercare. About two years ago I went into Intensive Outpatient that involved group therapy four nights a week, and was required to attend 5 NA or AA meetings a week. I was also put on Suboxone. I didn't complete the program. I felt alone even in a room full of fellow addicts. Well i'm attempting to get clean once again. I went three days without any hydrocodone, however; I slipped and took two lortab 10s last night. I doing this ct. On Monday, I start therapy. It's going to be one on one sessions. IMHO, last go around I didn't find group therapy or meetings to be effective. I'm thinking there is a reason i'm using in the first place, and i'm going to try and target what those reasons are during one on one therapy. Do you guys think there is always a reason for addiction, or do you think it's just the addage that my reason for addiction is that I have a disease that is the addiction? Any thoughts? Please share.

[bama88]

Def look at why your wanting to numb yourself. Only you can find the answer. And aftercare has a huge factor on stopping. You need to relearn skills that were forgotten. And the group setting or one on one will help you.

[dominosarah]

Using is only a symptom of what is really going on with you.  Recovery is all about self discovery.  Whether you believe that addiction is a disease or not we need to put it in remission.  

We need to change our playmates and playground and get rid of all the pills in our possession.

[vicki595]

I,also,believe there's a reason why we use to the point of addiction. We should try to get to that in order to do well and stay clean.

I'm curious (for you) where these two pills came from...you deleted all your numbers/contacts and didn't even have anything in the house or any money to buy anything.  So, maybe look at that scenario and think about what you had to do to get those two pills and what was going through your head at the time. That's what you need to examine, I think.

Meetings are not a good fit for everyone, for various reasons. Some (like me) really do better with one- to- one therapy along with a few other activities...Good luck!

[133113]

Hi Second,

Do not beat your self up for using.  I should have 32 days clean today but slipped a few times.  Rather than carry guilt or shame, I keep dusting myself off and try harder.  I also have tried to figure out exactly what was happening the day or times I slipped to see if I can identify the issue.

I think aftercare is really something that has to be tailor made to the individual.  I have tried N/A and although the people were nice and I understand the concept of "peer group" support, it just seemed like other than my addiction I had nothing in common with any of the people at the different meetings.

I also go to therapy and spoke with my therapist about this.  He explained that 12 step programs are not one size fits all and that the real concept behind staying clean is figuring out what is driving a person to want to constantly be high, etc.  He also explained that the sponsor aspect of a 12 step can be done by someone else, a therapist, family member, etc.  The concept being that if you have cravings, need to talk, etc. that you have someone to reach out to that will help u.  It works so well for most in NA because your sponsor was in your exact position so they can relate to you.  

For me through this journey, I have found that there is no quick fix and over thinking the issue will not solve it.  You need to identify what it is, what feelings or experiences you have had that cause u to want to use and numb yourself.  Most of us know EXACTLY what it is, but it is too painful to look at, hence why we use.  Once you start looking at those feelings/experiences and start to liberate them, the need and desire to use will become less

Good luck

[Secondguess]

Wow 120 days! That's incredible!

[Innerstrength67]

Exactly secondguess. The guilt is your higher inner self that wants you to be clean and happy. One on one therapy is great. There is a reason why we try and kill ourselves over and over. It's not because we love ourselves. At the core of an addict is self loathing in some form. This is my belief. Putting down the drugs is the first step. Aftercare is crucial. I believe we have an incurable disease. Our disease is very patient and will sit and wait for weakness and vulnerability. We must always stand guard. Being addicted to drugs is one way it manifests. But keep in mind we can addicted to many things. Anything which is not promoting self love is self abuse.
I am in NA and the people in those rooms are saving my life. Coming up on 120 days Vicodin free. It's a miracle. We are all miracles because we are still here.
I wish you recovery!

[Secondguess]

I'm gonna make it. I can't/won't go back down that road. I feel so incredibly guilty. I used to not care at all. But the fact I'm actually feeling something is a positive sign.

[ricart70]

Hi second,  the thing you need to worry about the most right now is not to continue this lapse and don't take any more pills.It makes it very hard when we lapse to not go ahead and just continue.focus all of your efforts on not using today.Tomorrow do the same thing.You can do it!

[Addicted2long]

I think for 99% of us there is a reason for using and trying to numb yourself from reality. For me I thought for awhile that I had tried pills for fun and then had just developed a physical addiction and didn't stop but that wasn't true I could have stopped 7 years ago my body and mine made me justify using over ans over again
Pills were like an antidepressant for me and i used them to numb myself from reality and the stresses of life. There were many things I couldmt face or deal with and I was able to ignore those by getting.high. well weekends turned into daily and months turned into years and here I am. Therapy and meetings helped me realise why I was using and how to handle situations without drugs. You will also learn what triggers you and it's crazy what u find out about yourself. Wish u luck and good health. Take care