tomorrow is going to be the first day of getting clean

Question

so i had my surgery last monday, i am stressing so hard about coming off the oxy's that i have been taking for 6 months or more now, in such a fog i dont even know it could be longer than that, i know the surgery fixed my problems and im happy about this, but i feel i cant live a normal life with out the pills, i know what detox is like bcuz i was a heroin addict years ago, (been 8 years clean from that) but i remember the withdrawal and am so scarred to do it again now that i have 3 young kids. my hubby is wonderful and he will help me so at least i have that, but these pills have become such a lovely part of my life (not really) just i get up and take 2-4 then 2 every 3 hours then between like 6 and 11 at night i go through like 6-10 and its been like that for 4 months, im going to my doctor to ask about a taper pro, but im not sure i have the strength you know? like if they are there i know ill eat them for 1 last high i just love what they do, im considering smoking weed again just while i get clean i hear that helps but i want to be CLEAN! i want my life back i have so much to be happy about but the fear that this was commin up has put me in this deep depression, i even have my first psychiatrist appointment on the 2end bcuz im just that depressed and messed up. i know that getting all this help is good, but will i have the energy to go that day, like i think what if im dope sick? i know that may stop me from going and i cant miss it, its a 6 month waiting list to get in, and they got me an apt to go in the week after i called bcuz my situation is flagged as urgent and i even told a doc when i went to the hospital that im afraid i might just end it all with flyin off a cliff and just dying its so bad.
i wrote on here a few times b4 about my thoughts of getting clean but now that its happening i just dont think i can do it. my goal is to 4 months from now come back and read this and be like wtf gawd im glad thats over, i just wanna coma out and go to the end of summer and wake up normal i wish that was possible. ok i think i wrote to much, if anyone can give me some words to help me id love you for it, alos if anyone can give me ideas and plans like what they did for a taper and if it worked that would help to, and if anyone has an idea if they think its better to taper or cold turkey it i need your thoughts 
thank you 
~geri

dovecottage · Accepted Answer

i went to a health food store and cvs for the following ( all cost about 45 bucks) gaba gaba plus, htp-5,magnesuim 500, zinc 50 mg, vit c, b6, b12, benedryl to sleep, immodium for the runs , valarian root caps or tea whatever is cheaper for nerves, tylenol pm. if you talk to ur doc he will prescribe something for u to sleep and something for tummy troubles if u are not involving your doc get otc meds. if u choose to taper it has to be by a doc or the internet. drink lots of fluids eat apples carrots beats and fih or take fish oil. if u put fis oil in the freezer i wont give u an after taste. house for a brisk walk and take hot showers.  u can do this it ***** but i did not die from it ...get your life back .god luck ask??? i am here...dove

GMcp · Answer

yea, well once its over ill never do it again, i know that. but its just the dope sick that is keeping me from trying harder the longer i can get away with not starting the better in my brain, so my hubby needs to take them and he still effing hasnt ! god ! its like he dosnt care all of a suddon im so upset right now

udoschoices · Answer

yeah the addict in me ALWAYS kept me from actually doing the taper. Plus the small amounts didnt really help that much as i couldnt actually space them out because i would look at them and think of how many more "rushes" i could get if i took the, say 5-7 for the day, all at once. If you can get your husband to help you, great. But the other big thing here is your addict behavior which is why aftercare is so important, or you will be on the merry-go-round again soon once you get "clean". Detox is the easy part, believe it or not, saying no to using pills and resisting the urge to self-medicate is the hard part... took me 5 years to figure that out the hard way.

GMcp · Answer

thanks for that, its not harsh, yea im weak, really considering just going into a detox idk its been a confusing and ruff day

cleaninitup · Answer

Ok going not to sound to harsh and its not what I am going for-just going to let you know where you are right now. The pills are controling your thought process right now-you know these pills have to last to the 2nd- so your choices at this point is to taper correctly by your doc and go through alittle bit of withdrawals everyday. Your body will readjust to the amount you taper down to and in a few days the 4 pills will be enoough to get you through the day then you drop down again and go through all of this again with the next taper.So your choice right now is  are you strong enough to get through this taper?if you go off of it it you will not have anymore until the 2nd and you will be c/t then or just go c/t now and get it all over with.These were alot of the same thing I had to ask myself so believe me when I say Im not saying these things to be mean or rub your face in what is going on with you-I know because I was in same spot not too long ago.I did a taper through my doc that was writing the RX and he made it clear there was no cheating and no second chances with it then I told my reg doc so she wouldnt give me any either. Its a rough road and this forum is proof it can be done.You will need support and understanding from your hub and you will need to be strong no matter which you choose do to.Please keep posting and keep up the great work you can do this!!!!! Heather

GMcp · Answer

so my doctor is tapering me, idk if this will work, he gave my a script of 56 to last till the second. i asked my hubby to hide it and leave me one in the am, then he will come home at lunch and give me another then 1 at 5 and 1 b4 bed, but there sitting in my med cabnet and i know there there bcuz he forgot to take them with him but so far i took the 1 and i feel capable but yea i know that wont last long sighhhh. but i text him and said good job hiding them so i think he will come home and take them! god i hate not having control like i used to but i guess so far im in control i just know the evil thing in my brain will take over soon and eat them!

GMcp · Answer

ok, deep breath thank you everyone, i do have a doc apt, at 4 30 to talk about this so ill see if he can help me taper but if not i got the list for the health store now thank you

jetti01 · Answer

You can do this!  I was taking 90mg of percs a day for 6 months and was SCARED to death of the withdrawl.  I truly think the anticipation was worse than the W/D.  I am 4week sober today and Happy!  You can and will do it!  Its the first mental part of wanting those pills so badly, but you can get through it!  Just think how good you will feel when its done.  I feel great!  It was the best decision I have ever made!  Sober is worth it!  Good luck, and message me if you want!

dominosarah · Answer

Thanks dove~~

dovecottage · Answer

thanks d i wil remember

dominosarah · Answer

Tapers over the internet arent recommended as we dont know if there are underlying conditions with the person.  Better to be safe than sorry.

dominosarah · Answer

what sort of things do you have that helped?  We have the amino acid protocol in the health pages......something like that?

dovecottage · Answer

i have a list of things that helped me but i need to know your dosage and how long u have been using to help u. reply pz  dove

GMcp · Answer

i take about 80mg a day, sometimes more and sometimes less, but id say 80 very regularly 
i have always gone ct, i went ct with the heroin bcuz i found out i was pregnant and my and my ex quit right on the spot, he did the methadone program i just did ct cuz i was preggs. i think this time is harder bcuz there just so a part of my life now, and being that kinda sick is to much for me to handle raising 3 kids.

i am more afraid of what will happin if i keep using sarah, thats why im stopping now 6 months in is better than anything more to me, :P i dont want it to go on n e more, especially with spring and summer comin i want to do fun stuff with my kids, all winter we been trapped inside because its to cold to leave the house most days as it is so i think that has made it even worse, but im one of those moms who takes there kids everywhere everyday and i know that wont happen this summer if i dont fight this

dominosarah · Answer

Be more afraid of what will happen if you continue to use.  I remember feeling the way you do now and i am here to tell you life is good......

loaner · Answer

I feel like we are in the same position trying to go off oxy.  How did you taper before, did it work for you or did you go cold turkey?  I am so afraid to stop taking the meds, i don't know what its going to be like.  Help me.

dominosarah · Answer

To make this really successful you have to stop romancing the high.  Smoking weed is just going to be sending mixed signals to your brain.  Can your husband hold the pills while you taper down?     sara

dovecottage · Answer

writing the dosage you have been taking is always helpful to others who want to help. it will be easier than heroin addiction. todayis my 4 th day it is doable i made that word up ask ?  c/t or taper its up to you i went c/t. tapering will involve a dr which is ok too its ur choice...dove