Aa
what exactly is the "other side"
there is no sarcasm in my question. it's just that i have been on pills so long that i need a reminder what the "other side" is. those of u who have been clean and seen the light....what it is? :( i honestly forget. i have 2 beautiful children and i want to spend my time and energy on them...not chasing pills. i guess i'm just looking for support as today is day 1 for me. i woke this morning feeling very tired and angry. i did take half a klonopin cuz i cannot take care of 2 kids with the anxiety that w/d brings. i hate how tired benzos make me as i need energy to keep up with them...so they are purely to get me thru this and i know that. i will be going to therapy in the next few weeks...but for now i need someone to tell me what makes this all worth it :(
Not a strong willed person you say? Hmm, I just noticed that you posted in another thread earlier today so that means you're on at least day 3, right? Do you know what the odds are against making it that long? That right there is completing 3 things that most people in your position don't.
No, I'd say you're extremely strong willed, much more so than you know and you deserve a big congratulations for the battle you're fighting. Keep at it, take it a minute at a time and before you know it you'll see how great it is on "the other side".
No, I'd say you're extremely strong willed, much more so than you know and you deserve a big congratulations for the battle you're fighting. Keep at it, take it a minute at a time and before you know it you'll see how great it is on "the other side".
You CAN do this. Even if you are not one who can complete a task, doesn't mean that you can't get sober. I know how you feel, I was there 3 days ago, but no one else knows about this but me and a nurse at Kaiser. I understand how it feels to seem alone and as if there is no end to the misery, but there is. I promise, do it for yourself and your babies. If you need support read your very first post and the love you express for your kids and the desire to be free of the constant chase of the pills. You are going to be alright.
You are right in the thick of it, that is why it seems so bad now, it gets better I promise.
You are right in the thick of it, that is why it seems so bad now, it gets better I promise.
thanks everyone. i am feeling very discouraged. and all my husband can say is "you're so stupid for quitting CT". thanks....that helped. i have piles of laundry everywhere, my kids havent even been bathed. i cant do this. i cannot run this house with a man who already thinks i dont do enough let alone what i cant do without them. i called the doctor but who i need to speak with isnt in til 9 tomorroe morning. i hated the roxys and i told her that on monday....but now that i am completely out and have nothing....it is all i have in me not to pick up the phone at 9am and say can i have something else? the pain iss too much. i will be the first to admit i am not a strong willed person. so for all of u who echo "you can do this"....i have spent a life time with not enough will power to complete anything. let alone this :(
I'm just reading all of these posts and want to let you know that it will get better soon. I just took my last 2 norcos at 11:00 am Monday morning. I knew I was not going be able to get any pills for a while so I had called in sick and decided I was done with this vicious cycle.
Day 1 an hour after I toke the last 2 I began to cry. I had never been more depressed in my life. I could not imagine living without it, how could I wake up, take care of my beautiful boy (almost 2 years old) go to work, fix dinner, do laundry, do ANYTHING for that matter without hydrocodone?
Day 2 was even worse, I went to work but felt like I was in a dream all day. I cried in the bathroom whenever I could get away from my desk. Everything ached, diarrhea, the whole enchilada.
Day 3, I woke up and was surprised to feel a little happy. I still felt tired and had a foggy head, but I realized my mind was beginning to get better.
Day 4 today, I am tired with a little diarrhea, but for the most part much better, I can tell that I am in the home stretch.
I was taking at least 30 mg's of hydrocodone within 1 minute of getting out of bed. In fact it was the first, and I mean the FIRST thing that popped into my head in the morning. I would always take 30 mg's of hydrocodone with any combination of norco/vicodin every time I took a "dose". I would take a dose about every 4 hours. As I write this I realize how bad I was.
Anyhow, my point is, I was a very heavy user and with almost 3 full days under my belt I already feel better. I thought I would feel horrible for at least a full week, but no.
So don't be afraid, you can do this and every day that you can get through, the more proud you will be and the better you will feel.
Good luck, we are all here for eachother.
Day 1 an hour after I toke the last 2 I began to cry. I had never been more depressed in my life. I could not imagine living without it, how could I wake up, take care of my beautiful boy (almost 2 years old) go to work, fix dinner, do laundry, do ANYTHING for that matter without hydrocodone?
Day 2 was even worse, I went to work but felt like I was in a dream all day. I cried in the bathroom whenever I could get away from my desk. Everything ached, diarrhea, the whole enchilada.
Day 3, I woke up and was surprised to feel a little happy. I still felt tired and had a foggy head, but I realized my mind was beginning to get better.
Day 4 today, I am tired with a little diarrhea, but for the most part much better, I can tell that I am in the home stretch.
I was taking at least 30 mg's of hydrocodone within 1 minute of getting out of bed. In fact it was the first, and I mean the FIRST thing that popped into my head in the morning. I would always take 30 mg's of hydrocodone with any combination of norco/vicodin every time I took a "dose". I would take a dose about every 4 hours. As I write this I realize how bad I was.
Anyhow, my point is, I was a very heavy user and with almost 3 full days under my belt I already feel better. I thought I would feel horrible for at least a full week, but no.
So don't be afraid, you can do this and every day that you can get through, the more proud you will be and the better you will feel.
Good luck, we are all here for eachother.
Gnarly1 your post literally gave me chills!!! God I want that SOOOOO bad!!!!! It sounds lovely absulutely wonderful and worth fighting for!!!!
Nikki Im so glad you posted this question because I know I needed to hear that and get some motivation for what Im fighting for! I know the "other side " will be sooo worth it! Im only 10 days clean today and Ive had rough moments but I can already feel the old me peeking back out. And I want more. I also have 3 kids and I love them more than life and Im doing this for them as well as myself. You have 2 beautiful children that count on you and theres your motivation. Let me tell you, Im only 10 days clean and I have always loved and enjoyed my kids but these last few days mannnn their little smiles and laughter bring tears of joy to my eyes and I am just overcome with love for them bubbling up and just REAL emotions are coming back. And I didnt even realize I wasnt feeling real emotions. Guess I forgot how they felt. So I think thats part of the "other side:". Also, about the whole energy thing, we have discussed this in another post, but I promise you the energy and sociableness and feeling that they make you function...Its a LIE!!! Its fake and its a strong lie, but I promise if you look close enough you will realize they dont really give you energy, they just make you feel better about not actually doing anything. They actually rob all your motivation potential and real energy. I realized finally that I was having to take a handful of pills to get up and clean the kitchen and then another handful to do laundry and man I was always so busy and running and doing this and that and the other but when I stopped and thought about it....Im just real busy doing NOTHING!!!! Really...I have to take like 20pills so I can clean the kitchen, do laundry and sit at home???? Hmmm...no I want more than that. I want real energy, real motivation, real emotions real feelings a real life...and thats what the "otherside" is to me.
I hope you stick around here on the forum, there are some wonderful people and support here and I am sending you wishes and prayers!
We are fighting this battle for our lives and WE WILL WIN!!!!!
Nikki Im so glad you posted this question because I know I needed to hear that and get some motivation for what Im fighting for! I know the "other side " will be sooo worth it! Im only 10 days clean today and Ive had rough moments but I can already feel the old me peeking back out. And I want more. I also have 3 kids and I love them more than life and Im doing this for them as well as myself. You have 2 beautiful children that count on you and theres your motivation. Let me tell you, Im only 10 days clean and I have always loved and enjoyed my kids but these last few days mannnn their little smiles and laughter bring tears of joy to my eyes and I am just overcome with love for them bubbling up and just REAL emotions are coming back. And I didnt even realize I wasnt feeling real emotions. Guess I forgot how they felt. So I think thats part of the "other side:". Also, about the whole energy thing, we have discussed this in another post, but I promise you the energy and sociableness and feeling that they make you function...Its a LIE!!! Its fake and its a strong lie, but I promise if you look close enough you will realize they dont really give you energy, they just make you feel better about not actually doing anything. They actually rob all your motivation potential and real energy. I realized finally that I was having to take a handful of pills to get up and clean the kitchen and then another handful to do laundry and man I was always so busy and running and doing this and that and the other but when I stopped and thought about it....Im just real busy doing NOTHING!!!! Really...I have to take like 20pills so I can clean the kitchen, do laundry and sit at home???? Hmmm...no I want more than that. I want real energy, real motivation, real emotions real feelings a real life...and thats what the "otherside" is to me.
I hope you stick around here on the forum, there are some wonderful people and support here and I am sending you wishes and prayers!
We are fighting this battle for our lives and WE WILL WIN!!!!!
hey nikki, you said the reason you used is because hated your life before pills. i am so glad you made an appt for a therapist. :) is this the first time you have been to therapy?
it sounds like you have some self-esteem issues probably things from your childhood that you experienced or were lacking. i want you to know that you are loved. you were created in HIS image and you are a beautiful person. you will find the other side even if it is for the first time. GOD loves you. so glad you are here because we are here to encourage you, help you, and see you through to the "other side". it will take work on your part, be strong. keep the faith, have hope. believe, trust.
sending you blessings and hugs,
debbie
it sounds like you have some self-esteem issues probably things from your childhood that you experienced or were lacking. i want you to know that you are loved. you were created in HIS image and you are a beautiful person. you will find the other side even if it is for the first time. GOD loves you. so glad you are here because we are here to encourage you, help you, and see you through to the "other side". it will take work on your part, be strong. keep the faith, have hope. believe, trust.
sending you blessings and hugs,
debbie
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