Day 4-Pretty rough morning

[Lucky2bAlive]

Hello all, hope everybody has a good Halloween. Well yesterday lets say I felt a lot better then today. I didn't get much sleep lastnight and woke up pretty sick. I think I ate too much candy also which really did a number on my stomach. I have been back and forth to the bathroom since 8am and my whole body is chilled today. I am shaking cold even under blankets and just trying to get through this but time is going by so slow. I hate myself for putting my body through this again after being clean so long (13 months). There is just nothing worse then this feeling. My stomach is in knots. Ive taken immodium, .5 xanax, and aleive since I woke up. I do have some suboxone from last time I quit but I am not even getting myself into that this time. I want to do this c/t and just get through it so I can get my life back. For those of you who haven't read my other posts I relapse 2 weeks ago after a 13 month period of sobriety. I took about 3,000 mg of oxy over those 2 weeks so I am in a bit of a mess. I have a very high tolerence and was both snorting and smoking around 80mg at a time a few times a day. Was it worth it? HELL NO. I am in hell all over again. This is not even close to as bad as it was quitting 600mg a day habit but its no walk in the park. It shows to me just how your brain doesn't recover from the abuse and how my tolerence never went down. I need to get myself back in shape here fast as possible so I can go back to work. I am 24 now and have been abusing opiates on and off for about 5 years. I no better then this and am disappointed in myself for relapsing. This just isn't the way of life to be laying in bed sick as a dog. I have missed out on so much in my life in those 5 years because of this stupid addiction. Ive lost my familys respect, so many friends, gf's, about $100,000 over those years. Yes 100,000. I spent 20k on heroin in 2 months about 2 years ago before I had quit. I went out with a bang there and just have wasted so much time and money on this stupid crap that it makes me even sicker to think about. I have spoken with a few of you on here that are new to the addiction and tried to explain just how much some of us lose. Take me as an example of why to stay clean. It will ruin your life and even after 13 months clean look what happen. You are never safe with this addiction and can NEVER let your guard down like I did. This was certainly just a pothole in the road to recovery. I will not be touching anymore oxycontin. I hate it more then anything in my life. Well im going to try and lay down for a bit. -John

P.S. For those of you that are struggling with the same doc as me (oxy) take a look at this website. It goes to show just how dangerous this drug is and I've read most of the stories of these victims and its just so sad. Some as young as 16 and there first time ever taking the drug. Well pharmaceutical companies and doctors are a whole nother story that I won't get into here. But this website is a way of keeping me positive not to use so I am not one day listed on this website.

[Amandalee1993]

Well its too bad you relapsed, I know ive been off of all that for about 6 months and so far im doing good. Only because i have friends and people who love me who are here to help. Just get back up, brush yourself off, and try to stay clean again. You can do it because anyone can. Stay positive because that is what will save you in the end. There may be a lot of bad but if you look theres more good. :-)

[Lucky2bAlive]

Oops http://www.oxyabusekills.com/victims.html