Husband Addicted to Pain Killers

[mdwife]

My life has been a living hell now for about 6 years and it is getting worse. He now has 3 different moods. One mood - happy, will do anything for you mood. Second Mood - somewhat helpful, but starts critisim about everything, nothing good enough, some anger. Third Mood - full anger, you can't look, talk, etc at him or he will get mad. I have been trying to see if these moods go along with when he gets his percocets or oxycodine. It has gotten to the point where he will bounce our checking account to get pills because our insurance company says it is too early to get a prescription filled. He goes from doctor to doctor. He has a bad back and he says that he has to take the pills to deal with his long trucking drives on Thursday and Fridays BUT he is taking the pills 7 days a week. This week alone he has gone through 150 pills with in 8 days. I have been downloading the claims from the insurance company for his prescriptions. But it doesn't show all the prescriptions that he pays without the insurance.  

I am the full brunt of all of his anger. He says he doesn't have a problem, I am the one with all the problems. What does someone do with a husband addicted to pain killers this bad and will NOT get help because he says he doesn't have a problem?

Help!!

[KAG71]

When I read your story, I can relate to a lot of what you say, although not to the same extent.

My husband was on presecription Oxycontin for 3 years due to a bad back also.   The high dose he was on was prescribed, but like your husband he was running our early, and filling in presrciptions early, until this was noticed by the doctor and pharmacy.   He couldn't afford to buy any privately, so got forced into a corner so to speak.  He knew that he had a problem, but wouldn't admit it for a long time.    When the pharmacy and doctor started refusing the early prescriptions he knew it was time for action, and he made a start on reducing his tablet intake.   It was gradually reduced but wasn't happening quick enough, so he decided to go cold turkey.   I know you read my post so I know you know the results, a big risk but it was worth it!  This is now day 10 no oxycontin.

I guess what I am trying to say is that your husband will not do anything about this problem or even admit that he has a problem until he is forced to do so.   You say he is running out early and buying them himself, where is he getting them from?   Is there any way this could be stopped to force him into a corner.   If he can't get hold of the tablets privately when he runs out early, and he can't get them prescribed early, he will then be forced to do something about this problem.

You don't say in your post the strength of oxycontin he is on, but that is a lot of tablets.  My husband was on 8 80mg oxycontin tablets a day just two months ago.

I know right now that you feel that there will never be an end to this, thats exactly how I felt 2 months ago.   I hope that you can take encouragement to know that my husband managed it, and I'm sure that your husband can too.  However, it'll take time and patience and a lot of strength from both you and your husband.

If you want to PM me please feel free, I will be happy to help in any way that I can.  My husband (Gixerboy) says that he will also be pleased to help in any way he can.  If we can help others as a result of our experience we are more than happy to do so.

Thinking of you.

Karen (and Gixerboy)

[mdwife]

Thank you so much for your comments and encouraging words. I am at the point that I am tired. I have told him that I want a separation but he got really angry and that kind of anger scared the **** out of me. I am tired of walking around on pins and needles. And I see how much his continual outbursts are affecting my 19 year old son. He has gotten very short tempered. And my son use to be just a care free normal hard working 19 year old.  
I have sort of figured out that when my husband has taken too much or when he doesn't have any, he is at his worse. I don't know what is going to hit me when I walk throught he door, which personality. And what is so bad we are raising our granddaughter, who is 1 1/2. He is always good to her but he will act weird at times. Try to give her food when she is done and doesn't want anymore. He keeps pushing to get her to eat. And I try to intercede carefully. Or when she is tired, he won't stop playing with her and she gets tired of it and starts crying due to frustration. I have to be careful when I intercede because he says that I am interferring with him being with his granddaughter. And I have to have things my way. And it all goes downhill from there.
Again, thank you everyone for your comments. They have meant alot to me. Keep me in prayer. This weekend my granddaughter will be with her mom and I am hoping to spend time with my girlfriend and away from him.

[Somewhereovertherainbow]

P.S - ONE TRUE LOVE _ TABLETS

[Somewhereovertherainbow]

Hi I am in your shoes. My husband is also addicted to painkillers and is currently going to NA meetings after years of denial. I went to a family meeting which went well and I found helpful meeting and talking to others in the same situation.  I have no idea how much my husband is using as things got so bad we live seperately. He resents me in many ways as the person keeping him from his one true love. Today he was minding our kids and when I came home he couldn't wait to get out the door, no hug, no goodbye. I am used to it by now but It's a lonely place. Then he sent a message to say how sorry he was for being off, he was just having a tough day. Later he was in a good mood and I can't help but be suspicious that he had a huge urge and so left quickly to the privacy of his own house to use.This journey has robbed me of my self esteem and the little flickers of love I get which are very tiny indeed keep me here remembering he is seriously ill. Nevertheless angry. In your case it is difficult that your husband does not recognise that firstly he has a problem and secondly the impact it is having on him and everyone else around him. From my family meeting last night I took away the idea of 1 day at a time and that we can't control the behaviour of others. This has been going on for at least 9 years and it's been a rollercoaster. We are in our early thirties and are as intimate as well a ninety year old couple. For me it is like you are living with someone who is having an affair but with something I find hard to understand. Thats why support groups are good whether your husban admits it or not. It will help you to deal with it more productively and seperate it from other areas of your life and also learn to forgive the person with the illness for all the hurt you have experienced. Forgiveness as hard as it is can be powerful releasing some of the burden but then again it is easy for me in some ways to say that because we can't live together anymore due to his addiction even though he will disput our problems are down to communication and even if the addiction had not been there the last 9/10 years we still would argue. For me I had to ask him to leave to make him think long and hard because he was in denial but he moved away for 5 months and took alot, nearly hit rock bottom but his mother stopped him (and also gave him tablets). He is back, moved into the house for a month but was not working, too volitile. Not fair on kids so now we dont live together and he comes and goes when he wants, strange but less time to argue. Anytime you want to chat I am here. Stay strong. It is not your fault and doesn't mean he is a bad person just very ill and without acknowledging it he is bound to get worse until he has no choice but face it. Prayers and thoughts with you

[CR_ST_NA]

so sorry to hear about your circumstances. my advice: go to an al-anon meeting. it is a support group for friends and family of alcoholics and addicts. it really is so helpful. get out your phone book and try to find a meeting in your area. hope it works out for you. im here if you need to chat, PM me. god bless christina

[WantALife]

Been there...with first two husbands and I feel your pain.  Tough love is what you need now.  You have to make a choice for your own well-being and happiness.  Do what ever it takes to get him into recovery.
Sadly, I had to leave my first two husbands in order to get my life back.  It still hurts to this day.
Best of luck to you.  Barbara

[enemy48]

Okay, that's a 20 pills a day habit.  Yeah, I'm sorry, but he's in denial.  

He can get in a lot of trouble by doctor shopping.  Have you noticed the anger when he has run out of pills?

He will stop either when "HE" is ready, or when he gets into trouble.  Hopefully it'll be the first I mentioned.

I don't have too much time right now, but just wanted to give you some support.  I'm glad you found this forum.  There are several people in your shoes.

You should start to get a lot of answers.

Best Wishes!