Avatar universal

How to cope with resentment towards friend.. is this normal?

Hi, actually I found this site by chance as I browse to topic related to anger and decide to ask from others opinion on my case. Any suggestions and opinions would be deeply appreciated :)

I'm 22 years old and for the last 3 years have been in a small study group  (4 members) in university.
I got along with the other two members well, but there is this one girl which has kind of negative aura with her. For instance, during meetings she easily become offended and angry for trivial things (i.e when we unconsciously interrupted her speech), went on crying, accused us for ignoring her, and then started to show as if she was facing bigger problem than the rest of us.. whilst in fact everyone in the group faced at least the same, or even more difficult problem.. I mean, for such simple mistake like that, we could just easily tell our friends in joking manner.. not by shouting and crying which made us felt more guilty though we already apologized...
We kind of tolerate her attitude as she told us that she had been bullied during high school and we felt sorry for her.

One time, she lost a plastic container that I lend to her but she replaced it with much smaller container, I tried to tell her to replace it with a bigger one as it was actually belongs to my relative's. But then she started to criticize me rather harshly in front of others. I tend to keep my feeling to myself, so I just remained quiet at that time, apologized, and ran off to toilet to cry after the meeting. Later on she did replace it with other container, I forgave her but somehow I cannot forget the experience.

After similar heated incidences (towards myself or other members), I found myself become easily irritated by her constant negative statements and slowly distanced myself by minimizing as much face to face contact as possible.
I think she gradually noticed the change in my behavior as well and confided to other members that she thought I'm childish. This forced me to kind of act nicely in front of her to avoid hurting her feelings. I know this is wrong and tiring at the same time, but the truth is I'm feeling nervous when being around her by myself (without other friends) and I'm afraid that I could suddenly lose my temper or even hurt her in a way (like slap her) which I don't know why.  Is this normal and what I'm supposed to do to control my anger in this kind of situation?

- I consider myself easy going and never harbored such strong resentment towards other people before..          
-Yes, we have told her about her attitude and I think she has also made some improvement. But somehow I cannot help myself to remember those past unpleasant events when I meet her.. I start to wonder whether this is a kind of physical conditioning..
- If it wasn't due to the study group, I think I would never even try to get along with her
3 Responses
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535822 tn?1443976780
Thank you for this interesting post and I am uncertain if I will be helpful as perhaps you are from another culture with differant values but I will put my interpretation on it ....I would have to explain to her I could not cope with her vagaries, speak plainly to her how it is affecting you , and if she wanted to remain your friend she has to change her attitude, you cannot change it for her , she sounds like a pre-maddona trying to get attention in a negative way, this is upsetting you, my feeling is that you will have to let go of the friendship unless she changes her attitude .You can still be pleasant and respectful towards her, but keep a distance ...Good luck
Helpful - 0
1118884 tn?1338592850
You can't be alone in disliking this girl.  Her behavior is unacceptable.  A diva .  Not a group person, in my opinion.  
Can't add much to margypops comment.
Do you have school counselors to talk to?
I know the feelings of anger and resentment.  I am much older and get them too.
Fortunately, most of the time I can distance myself.
In a study group...different thing.  Is there a leader?  Someone to stop her tantrums...have her leave...time out?
Actually, she needs a good slap.  But we can't act on our feelings and have it turn out well for us.  So self preservation is prime importance!!
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Avatar universal
@margypops: I guess you're right, I should just keep a distance while still treating her appropriately (in case I meet her) and maintaining my preserverance.

@airannie: Yes we do have a leader in the study group, in fact the one thing that prevent me to quit the group all this time is her. She is a really nice person, but I think she is not that comfortable to scold other people either. Hence, every time we had confrontation we just kind of let her (the other girl) do / say what she wanted until her anger diminished..

Nevertheless, Thank you for your kind reply :)
It's nice to hear different insight from other people.

Helpful - 0

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