Anxiety/Depression/Emptiness

[Hurtingnow777]

I am in my late 40's and feeling very distraught and empty for reason that are considered by most to be very irrational and pathetic.  I started a new job @ 7 mo ago and feel very inadequate, lacking self-confidence.  Not only that I don't like what I do at all.  Unfortunately this has been a trend most of my adult life as I never knew what I wanted to do in life as a career and honestly still don't.  The typical cycle would be to start a job and feel great anxiety and then after a few months things would start to click.  The ball would start rolling, but eventually would get complacent and want to do something else.  Yet as I've got older, it has become harder to cope with things and honestly now the anxiety/depression is so strong, I just want to give up.  More importantly, my whole attitude with life has dimished to the point where I have no interest in really anything and continue to have thoughts about ending my life.  Here's the confusion......I am a Christian, my family is loving/healthy, my wife is fantastic and we have a great marriage; yet with all of these blessings, I feel nothing but emptiness, frustration, and sadness.  As I write this, I totally get why nobody can rationalize this behavior; not do I and hence I write this to ask if anyone is going through anything similar or knows why?  I have been to dr's, therapists, and tried meds, but nothing seems to work.  I am not writing this for pity, but really seeking help to understand why I am going through this when there are so many people in the world that have legitimate issues affecting their lives and deal with it.  As pathethic as this sounds, I am really hurting and don't know how to handle it anymore.  I humbly ask for sincere help with this.  Thank you!

[Paxiled]

Two possibilities:  you have something you always wanted to do but haven't because of a lot of "shoulds" in your life or you just haven't found it yet, or you are suffering from anxiety and depression and haven't found the right treatment yet.