Never felt this hopeless and helpless...Need someone to talk to.

[WorriedOne84]

Never have I felt this lonely, lost, helpless, and hopeless before.  Even though I've been speaking with a professional counselor for the past few weeks, 3 session, I feel worse than ever.  She referred me to a psychiatrist and after they called to set up the appointment (June 30th) I've been analyzing everything in my life.  I feel lousy and I can't even explain to you how nervous I am about going to the psychiatrist.  You know what though, I'm putting myself through this stress and worry and it's not going to matter.  There is no help for me.  I just need to accept the fact that I'm never going to be like other people.  I know everyone has their issues but I'm scared of everything.  Never have I even been on a date and I'm 26.  I hate my job but I stay there because it's the only thing I know.  No way could I fill out job applications and go on interviews.  Never am I going to even have enough money to support myself on the lousy amount I make and I work full-time.  I live at home with my Dad and he has to take care of a lot of things for me.  Every emotion or feeling I have I question to the point I don't know what I think or feel anymore.  When I'm not having anxiety and totally freaking out over everything I'm just really depressed.  Honestly don't even know why I'm posting this - I'm tired of whining about all my issues.  Right now I just feel as though I have no one to talk to and I guess I'm just hoping someone will read this.  No one close to me cares to know what I'm going through currently.  They are either too busy or don't understand how I can't just snap out of this.  My mom, who hasn't been speaking to me much at all, thinks I'm suicidal when I try to talk to her so we haven't been talking.  I would never do anything to hurt myself even though I am miserable.  Thanks to all that take the time to read this.

[louthorn]

I don't know where to start and have so many things to say, so I am sorry if I jump around a bit.  You are not out there alone. I am 31 years old and I look normal and can be perceived as normal by most people, but I don't feel normal either. I feel like I have a disease. I struggle with anxiety now and have for many, many years. I feel like I have wasted too many years of my life being anxious and fearful of dying or that something is wrong. I am married and my husband is in the medical field and assures me there is nothing wrong and that I am perfectly healthy. I feel like there is something wrong with me mentally and no one understands or will listen. My family blows me off by saying you will be fine. I too feel so alone and  that no one understands. If everyone in this life could experince just one bad anxiety attack just once then just maybe they too would know how we feel. However, I don't wish this sickness on anyone!!!  What does keep me going is the hope that one day God will heal me! I always tell myself when I am freaking out " This too shall pass."

I know you are going through your own battle and I know you will get through this. As far as being anxious about talking with a psychiatrist, welcome it!!! Be happy you have someone to talk to that understands . Trust me you are not the only one with anxiety or the first person he/she has treated for anxiety. If there is anyone out there that will listen without passing judgement on you it would be a psychiatrist. It may actually help to have someone to listen that has studied anxiety and depression exists. I am so sick of people telling me to be strong and get my head out of my a**. Don't being fearful of going to talk to someone because that is just your anxiety.

Also I am learning to stop saying "What If." What if's always lead to negative thoughts for me. I hope this helps some!!! You are not crazy!!! We are people that have different ways of dealing with our emotions than others do. Take care and emabrace the opportunity to talk to someone that has some knowledge on how our minds work!!!

[WorriedOne84]

Thanks to all that took time to respond.  I really appreciate hearing from other people.  Like I said, no one around me understands at all what I'm going through.  I feel so strange emotionally right now.  When I'm at work, and keeping busy, I feel alright.  My moods are up and down though.  Other times, I feel kind of numb in a way.  Then as soon as I get home, and I'm alone, that's when I start thinking about things and end up crying.  I've cried more in the past week than I had in months.  My anxiety seems to manifest as acid reflux so I've been having all kinds of aches and pains with that the last few weeks.  I'm freaking out about going to the psychiatrist.  Somehow I'm afraid I'll end up overexaggerating my symptoms/problems and he'll think I'm crazy and have me committed.  On the other hand what if I can't communicate what I'm going through at all, due to nervousness, and he doesn't help me?  It's still 9 days until my appointment and those days are going to be rough because I'm obsessing over it.  Thank goodness I have another session with my counselor on Thursday.  Maybe she can reassure me that things will be alright and help me to not be so nervous about the appointment.  I don't know if that is going to help though.  Thank you all for your help and support.

[NicoleWyo]

This might sound strange to be thankful that you guys are having troubles, but it is such a relief to me to know that other people my age do actually have these problems. Everyone I know seems to be fine and can function, they don't know what it is like to get nervous around crowds, to feel like everyone is looking at you and judging you, to worry about stupid things and KNOW that they are stupid- but worry anyways! I am in the same situation as you are worriedone. I come from a family that doesn't believe depression is real. Seriously, they would make fun of me that they can't say things around me because it will " depress " me. I know how you feel and I wish more than anything I had the magic answer to make it all go away. Sometimes I wish for just one day that I can be ' normal '. I think you should go into action, make it your job to adjust your life to what you want it to be. Get back into school and find a job that is stable and that you enjoy. As far as dating goes, I think that can wait until you love yourself more. This will sound bad but I am 26 years old and July will be my 5th wedding anniversary. I married young and although I love my husband dearly, I will always wonder what I missed in these oh so important years. Also, I'd just like to say that I know he loves me more than anything in this world and likewise I love him more than anything, but it doesn't change my thoughts about myself or feeling hopeless, it just makes people think I'm more crazy since I have " so much to live for, how can YOU feel hopeless ". The answer is never someone else, its in your head. I think you should look at this differently. You have the rest of your life to live for, you have a clean slate. You can start fresh RIGHT NOW and make this life what you want it to be. I know that getting any kind of ambition right now is the hardest thing in the world to do, but you have to. You have a chance to start fresh, don't let it go to waste okay? We are always here for you worriedone.

[studchick]

I am sorry you are feeling so bad! It sounds like you are just starting counseling!? A good psychiatrist can be a great help by getting you on the right meds! I want to encourage you that there is help for you, but you must choose to go for it! You are young and have your whole life ahead of you and you can get better! The Lord has been my strength and hope and He can be yours too if you ask him!! I know what it's like to feel like no one cares. It's not really true, it's just a feeling. People who don't go through this usually don't get it! I hope you will take steps to get help and be encouraged that there are things you can do to make your life better! Studchick

[WendyLady03]

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Anxiety and panic attacks are so horrible, and it's especially hard when you feel like no one else understands. Luckily for me both my mother and my sister have anxiety issues, as well as my aunt and some cousins. Even then though we all have different symptoms, and I worry because I feel or think about things differently then they do that there's actually something extra wrong with me.

Right now I'm convinced I have breast cancer. I'm only 25, so it's rather unlikely, plus I had a physical 6 months ago and I was fine, but I'm so scared right now I've made another appt for this Thursday.

I went from being a completely normal person to someone who is scared of their own shadow after my first panic attack. It's the most horrible thing I've ever been through. Anxiety has made me so depressed, and I don't trust myself or my body anymore. But I'm trying my hardest to get better. I've had a few horrible therapists, then I finally found one who is great and she has helped me so much. I think finding someone to talk to who actually listens and cares is a huge deal. Don't be worried about your psychiatrist, they're only there to help. If you don't like it, you can always find something else.

I know how hard it is to not feel hopeless. I resent all my friends because they don't have to deal with anxiety. It makes everything hard, and they don't understand why I don't like being in crowded or loud places. I've basically had to relearn how to do everything again. Driving, going to the store, going back to work, going to a concert, everything has been done slowly, one step at a time.

I'm not recovered by any means but I'm so much better then I was. I'm glad you found this forum, it's nice to know you're not alone. You can talk to me if you ever need to, I'm so thankful for everyone on here and they support they've given me. I hope things start getting better for you, hang in there.