Whats it like newley diagnosed

[hell1971]

Hi

I have now had a forth proffessional say I am Bipolar and am now waiting to see a pdoc as it has been advised that I should go on medication. I am trying to understand this condition and relate it to me, I have always thought I was so normal a little quirky and Over the top sometimes and have always associated my depressions to situations at the time, my highs have always been short lived and yes I have done some things that my "normal" personality wouldnt do or would I. I have always thought when I instigated a skinny dip, flashed or flirted at a friends husband that this is me normally conservative letting my hair down, when I changed all the house round and spring clean and buy new stuff I am on a mission it lasts a few days and then usually fizzes out, does this sound like hypomania to you. I know that this year I had a major depression and then reacted to antidepressants and yes I can totally say I was truly hypomanic and then had some really scarey stuff go on in my mind, I know I had racing thoughts, felt randy etc.. and exceptionally happy and didnt need sleep ect.. ect.. but this was a reaction to medication, it continued to escalate when I came off them and then I had to take something to stop it which I took for a week or so and it knocked me out. I had my assesment yesterday and they said that during the two hour interview my mood fluctuated from happy laughing to crying, isnt this just a normal reaction that you laugh when nervous and mocking yourself and behaviour and cry when talking about truly sad stuff. I dont want to be in denial if I am ill but I have always been like this and I dont recognise it as distinct periods of time just me an up and down type of girl who is mostly conservative and then lets go sometimes. Yes I have sufferred low moods many many many times but if it has been major I have always had a reason for it.
They have said I am extremly sensitive to drugs ( based on the reaction to the AD and then the Seq) so they are going to have to introduce whatever they put me on very very slowly. I am so up and down I dont know what to think, but this is what I am like, this is normal and now I am off everything I feel normal again, that being up and down just like always. Does any of this make any sense to anyone. I just dont want to go on medication unless I really am BP

[horselover65]

We've got a lot in common. My family thinks I'm funny when I'm hypomanic - that is until it stops being funny or when everyone wants to go to bed and I'm still going strong. Then sometimes they will try to "reason" with me and things will really go to pot. My husband pretends not to notice anything. He doesn't comment on my mood unless I'm agitated or way down in the pit. His thing is he just wants me to be happy, so sometimes he likes the hypomania, too. His mom is nuts, so he learned denial to deal with her. He has almost no visible affect because as kids they never knew which reaction was the correct one. I feel bad for him, but it is still frustrating. There have been times where my mom said, "Take her to the hospital NOW" and he never has. Sometimes I wonder if he is waiting for me to self-destruct so he can start a new life with someone who is lower maintenance. I'm not sure if I'm paranoid or if that isn't a secret hope that people have and would never say out loud.

He hates it when I clean too much - and I've spent 16 hours cleaning the kitchen with a toothbrush, LOL. He says he likes the clutter, but lately we think he has ADD or something. I've been telling him for years that all the chaos and disorganization does my head in, but he won't listen. We've had cleaning people, off and on, for years. It is a train wreck in here and it has been for a couple of months. I'm hoping to get some stuff done this weekend while he's here to help with vacuumming and lifting. I am almost afraid to start because I might end up going off the rails.  

Sorry - I always go on and on.  

[hell1971]

Well as im reading through I am recognising stuff you say, so I guess I am BP

So if you start doing stuff like cleaning are you saying this makes you hypomanic? you say "im affraid to start as you might end up going off the rails" ?? what do you mean

sorry so many questions but this is such a support for me I have no one to talk to, except my inlaws who are really pleased I have been diagnosed with a mental condition. it seems they are the only accepting ones of my diagnosis and are too happy to tell me all the times I have made them feel unconfortable, when ive been hypo ect.. ect... and in two days have read all the books and keep making comments like "umm yes" while they give me a sneaky look, its one big joke to them with the added bonus they think suddenly I dont have feelings and they can say what they like.. sorry just needed to rant that off they are staying with us for 6 weeks and its just really bad timing that it happens to coincided with coming to terms with my BP.

[horselover65]

I wish I could say that cleaning caused hypomania. I'd have an excuse to never clean again! But no, sometimes I am fine. Other times, I do start getting hypo and obsessive. Since I'm feeling especially fragile at the moment, I'm trying not to do anything that I know could set me off. I'm hoping that the lithium kicks in soon and I can avoid some of the mood swings.

I'm sorry your inlaws are being so insensitive. People sometimes look at me as the condition instead of as a person and that makes them behave in ways that dehumanize us. It's like we're objects and they forget that we should be treated at least as well as anyone else. Maybe you could tell them it hurts your feelings? Or maybe not. I know I can't say a word to my mil without risking a volcanic eruption. Vent away right here if you need to!!! I know what it's like to be stuck for weeks at a time; my mil stays between 4 and 6 weeks when she visits us, too. We're in your corner; don't forget!

[cowgirlnerd]

Hell1971

As usual, Monkeyc is exactly on the money.... he is awesome!

Welcome to the group!  It's not fun having bipolar and we know that all to well, but hopefully, you will find comfort in expressing yourself to those of us that truly know what you are feeling and experiencing.

For myself, personally, I have been helped through some rought episodes through the friends on this forum.  It's scary to be diagnosed and also relieving to know that it wasn't all you causing the mess surrounding your life.  

Congratulations on the first step to getting stable!

Racheal

[hell1971]

Thanks heaps

I am getting really panicked at work, I seem to go through periods where I feel I cant cope. My husband was here and he was trying to help out and I was really snappy and mean. I feel really bad now hes gone, I know im unstable at the moment but I dont know how to stop it, im not sure when my pdoc appointment is going to be. Is it normal in BP world to have your moods to come and go in waves like this. They have said they are going to try and get me seen b4 xmas so it should be soon. I dont want to be a pain to anyone, I have seroqel but I only lasted on it two weeks and I know it stopped me transitioning to full blown mania but it knocked me out and I cant afford to be like that so I dont know what to do.

[monkeyc]

Ok first thing is that what you are going through right now is perfectly normal.

I think there are 3 things you need right now from my experience.

1. Support - you need someone to help you here.  You said you husband was gone - is he coming back?  Do you have any friends who you can turn too?  Family?  You need to have some support and assitance to get you through this but you also need to be honest with them about how you feel which is my next point..

2. Honesty - be honest with yourself about how you feel, with your doctors about symptoms and with others supporting you.  You do not need to hide anything anymore.

3. Treatment - you need to get some help with your current symptoms before anything.  The pogoing moods are not unsual and you need treatment.  Seroquel ***** as a first line MS - in reality Lamactil or Lithium are the best for a first line repsonse med - Lithium is still the most effective on both phases and this is what I would reccomend as it works well for most people but you will need to discuss this with your doctor, and you need to do this now.  If they cannot get you into a pdoc then my best advice is go to hospital - I think right now you need urgent help to get stable.

There is hope OK.  there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  You are not being a pain to anyone here and you need to stop thinking like that, we know its hard but trust me on it, blaming yourself wont help.

Some other advice is do something you enjoy, take a walk, get some fresh air - this can help a lot you know..

And on snappy and mean - thats a BP symptom and my wife could write a book on it - if you need to find out how to tell people around you there are excellent books and web resources - Beyond Blue are an Australian Group who educate on Depression and Mental health and they have some excellent fact sheets and information on bipolar at this page -   http://www.beyondblue.org.au/index.aspx?link_id=91  

You have just started a course of education in life which none of us expected but its vital to learn and read and study the illness and medications.

You will also find that a therapist or psychologist is invaluable - having someone to talk to who is not part of your day to day life is really important in keeping you going.

And of course we are here, we can offer you advice and help as much as we can, you can post in the forum, PM us or leave us a note. We have been there, some of us are there now.