Whats it like newley diagnosed

[hell1971]

Hi

I have now had a forth proffessional say I am Bipolar and am now waiting to see a pdoc as it has been advised that I should go on medication. I am trying to understand this condition and relate it to me, I have always thought I was so normal a little quirky and Over the top sometimes and have always associated my depressions to situations at the time, my highs have always been short lived and yes I have done some things that my "normal" personality wouldnt do or would I. I have always thought when I instigated a skinny dip, flashed or flirted at a friends husband that this is me normally conservative letting my hair down, when I changed all the house round and spring clean and buy new stuff I am on a mission it lasts a few days and then usually fizzes out, does this sound like hypomania to you. I know that this year I had a major depression and then reacted to antidepressants and yes I can totally say I was truly hypomanic and then had some really scarey stuff go on in my mind, I know I had racing thoughts, felt randy etc.. and exceptionally happy and didnt need sleep ect.. ect.. but this was a reaction to medication, it continued to escalate when I came off them and then I had to take something to stop it which I took for a week or so and it knocked me out. I had my assesment yesterday and they said that during the two hour interview my mood fluctuated from happy laughing to crying, isnt this just a normal reaction that you laugh when nervous and mocking yourself and behaviour and cry when talking about truly sad stuff. I dont want to be in denial if I am ill but I have always been like this and I dont recognise it as distinct periods of time just me an up and down type of girl who is mostly conservative and then lets go sometimes. Yes I have sufferred low moods many many many times but if it has been major I have always had a reason for it.
They have said I am extremly sensitive to drugs ( based on the reaction to the AD and then the Seq) so they are going to have to introduce whatever they put me on very very slowly. I am so up and down I dont know what to think, but this is what I am like, this is normal and now I am off everything I feel normal again, that being up and down just like always. Does any of this make any sense to anyone. I just dont want to go on medication unless I really am BP

[hell1971]

Well as im reading through I am recognising stuff you say, so I guess I am BP

So if you start doing stuff like cleaning are you saying this makes you hypomanic? you say "im affraid to start as you might end up going off the rails" ?? what do you mean

sorry so many questions but this is such a support for me I have no one to talk to, except my inlaws who are really pleased I have been diagnosed with a mental condition. it seems they are the only accepting ones of my diagnosis and are too happy to tell me all the times I have made them feel unconfortable, when ive been hypo ect.. ect... and in two days have read all the books and keep making comments like "umm yes" while they give me a sneaky look, its one big joke to them with the added bonus they think suddenly I dont have feelings and they can say what they like.. sorry just needed to rant that off they are staying with us for 6 weeks and its just really bad timing that it happens to coincided with coming to terms with my BP.

[horselover65]

We've got a lot in common. My family thinks I'm funny when I'm hypomanic - that is until it stops being funny or when everyone wants to go to bed and I'm still going strong. Then sometimes they will try to "reason" with me and things will really go to pot. My husband pretends not to notice anything. He doesn't comment on my mood unless I'm agitated or way down in the pit. His thing is he just wants me to be happy, so sometimes he likes the hypomania, too. His mom is nuts, so he learned denial to deal with her. He has almost no visible affect because as kids they never knew which reaction was the correct one. I feel bad for him, but it is still frustrating. There have been times where my mom said, "Take her to the hospital NOW" and he never has. Sometimes I wonder if he is waiting for me to self-destruct so he can start a new life with someone who is lower maintenance. I'm not sure if I'm paranoid or if that isn't a secret hope that people have and would never say out loud.

He hates it when I clean too much - and I've spent 16 hours cleaning the kitchen with a toothbrush, LOL. He says he likes the clutter, but lately we think he has ADD or something. I've been telling him for years that all the chaos and disorganization does my head in, but he won't listen. We've had cleaning people, off and on, for years. It is a train wreck in here and it has been for a couple of months. I'm hoping to get some stuff done this weekend while he's here to help with vacuumming and lifting. I am almost afraid to start because I might end up going off the rails.  

Sorry - I always go on and on.  

[jst4shanell]

I hear you there.  My partner likes it when I become hypomanic.  He even likes it when I talk non stop and run around the house like i'm on drugs or something.  I think he just likes it when i'm happy, really happy!  Even thought there's a price to pay, I think he thinks its worth it to him just to see me happy.  I think he's the sick one LOL.

Hell1971-  Ask your friends and husband what Bipolar is.  I bet they couldn't tell you specifically.
I hope you are getting as much information as possible about this disorder.  It will put things into prospective more.  There are many different variations of BP.  You don't have to be suicidally depressed, or manic to the point of psychosis.  There's anything and everything in between and also mixed together.

I was in denial for so long.  I was irrational, promiscuous, partied like a rock star, cheated, tried to kill myself, shopped like the world would end tomorrow even though I was a poor college student, I never slept, just to name a few.

My family is still in denial about it, except my Aunt.  I have a big family too.  My mom never talks about it.  That hurts.  Everyone acts like life with me is bliss.  Denial.  
My sister is bipolar and really sick.  She's in denial.  She drinks to be happy till she blacks out and becomes violent.  Then she wakes up and does it all over again.  She refuses to take her medication.  She says she's not sick.  Her psychiatrist of 6 years can't do anything for her anymore.  She won't listen.   She's 27 years old.  She has a 7 year old child who is scared of her mood swings.  They used to be so close.  My family is denial about that too.

The longer you wait, the worse it will get.  It will do permanent damage to your brain.  Dementia and so forth.  It wouldn't hurt to try the medications.  Tell them  you want the ones with the least side effects.  All come with some, but it's really not bad.  It goes away after your body adjusts.

[horselover65]

It is only obvious if someone is willing to acknowledge it. Even though my husband knows, he still ignores as much as he can - beyond reason. Had an incident a few years ago with a razor blade. He caught me and wrestled it away from me, but I was bleeding heavily from a hand gash, getting dizzy, sweaty, weak and sick, etc. Basically going into mild shock. The man got on a conference call for work. I kid you not. He put the phone on mute so they didn't hear the commotion, but he kept doing what he "needed" to do. I could give you a lot more examples of the same type of thing where I am out of control and he has his head in the sand. It's all in whether someone wants to see something or not and if they don't, you have no control over that. Good luck to you!

[hell1971]

Thank you all for your support, many of you told me I was hypomanic when I was on the drugs and asking for advise and I guess if I add everyone who thinks im BP then the odds are stacked against me. I do have a couple of close friends who dont think I am BP and think im normal and just think ive been stressed out, I think this is why I am so confused. I thought BP was extreme, how could I have gone 37 years and not known that something was really wrong with me, I thought it would be so major that I would have been diagnosed long before, I guess I have never asked for help for me before but still wouldnt it be really obvious to my husband that something was very wrong.

[bernie40]

Hi,   I agree with everything monkeyc said!

I was in denial for years also and there are still times I think that maybe I am ok afterall.  I always thought my behaviour was normal, it was just my personality blah blah.  Its been hard and very very emotional.  Like monkeyc i have found this site to be the biggest help to me and to be very honest it has been by coming on here and talking to others and getting their support that has helped me with accepting what I have.

:-)