Loneliness with BP

[Tyzer33]

I dont know if any of you experience this same thing but why is it that BP makes you feel so lonely a lot of the time? I find myself starring into space somethimes watching other people walk round me and I feel as if im not there. Its as if im a ghost and i could just blow away in the wind, often enough i wish i would just blow away. Some days i just cant take the struggle and ive no energy or desire to fight with myself. You seem to have to spend alot of time in your own head with having BP trying to challenge the negative and suicidal thoughts etc. I feel like such an outsider from normal society and its made worse by people abandoning me since ive been sick, its really great when you get kicked when your down isnt it.

[mom_is_my_name]

Yes!! Absolutely!! Feel like a social failure, an academic failure, feel like you are always in the way of somebody else, always bothering somebody else, that people sigh every time they see you coming. You want to stay in the shadows and feel embarrassed if someone might ask you to do something and you just can't handle doing it! They may say they understand, but they really don't and you feel they really don't care anyway. Even if they tell me to call them or let them know if I need help, I feel those are just words and that they don't want to help. they don't understand and don't really have time to bother with you anyway!! Does that sound about right? That's how I feel most of the time anyway.

[ILADVOCATE]

  Yes I've been in a similar situation with people cutting off contact from me because I have some form of as yet uncategorized catatonia and dementia in addition to schizoaffective disorder. I when I see people spend most of my time with family. That situation has only been recent. For physical reasons I cannot be on a train or a bus or remain in a store for more than short periods of time due to advanced tardive. I have however had that change somewhat due to physical recovery. People react to that just like they did to the standard psychosis and mood swings I had before (which I still have but less so since I am on a new treatment). However although I have learned how to emotionally respond to people better I try not to define myself to people who project their negativity on me. I try to change what I can and try to ignore the rest.

[anjaylah]

I just spent Christmas alone.... no one called to talk to me....no one invited me to celebrate with them....No presents....Second Christmas in a row.


I guess I get to save my money and my waistline..... I just do not get it.

I have intentionally cut ties with my family and most people I have come in contact with.  They seem to treat me poorly and I do not know why.  I am nurturing by nature and just want to see the best in everyone. I love helping others.  


I am not a hideous monster, sure of it. People say I am smart, but I am not smarter than anyone else, picked up training along the way.  People say I am pretty, don't pretty people get asked to go do things?  People have told me I am funny, don't people want to hang around people who make them laugh?  people tell me I am intimidating and when I ask them to help me understand why someone would think that no one can give me an answer.... I do not walk around with big huge muscles trying to beat up everyone! Why don't I get it? Why don't I understand?  How can I understand almost anything except other people? Am I a friggin alien?

Reading your comments I finally feel like I have found "my" people.  Think we should gather together and form our own country on an island somewhere.

[EliaRose]

     What you've described sounds so much like myself, and I've never felt like I could explain it to anyone or that it was even possible for someone who doesn't experience it to understand. It helps to know I'm not alone in my loneliness, and I hope that helps you too.
     Even when I'm surrounded by people, I either feel so lost and withdrawn in my own racing thoughts, or more often, I'll just have repetitive thoughts and be otherwise completely blank. I don't have a single thing to say, and don't feel like anyone does or should have a single thing to say to me.
     My therapist recently assessed me for generalized anxiety, which was a negative. However, she said that from my responses she needs to assess me for Social Anxiety. I don't know if that is a problem all on its own or if it is commonly associated with BP. Either way, she says there are many ways to overcome it. We'll see!

[ILADVOCATE]

   Yes I know that in the past I didn't set emotional boundaries as regards how people approached me about my mental health life and some people took the position of playing "counselor" or mocking me (that was a while back). I realized that it was best to have some kind of judgment before approaching people and take some time to find out more about them before discussing my personal life but it wasn't always there. Then when I called people on this type of behavior I lost some friendships. I do know that feelings of hopelessness can be part of depression and I find since some of the mood stabilizers I take have a short half life my outlook on people and life in general can change in a positive direction once I take them so I realize some of these feelings can be related to mood swings. I also experience marked dysphoria where I lose all sense of hope in general.
  I also have a family member who has bipolar who  is just approaching the idea of starting treatment and they feel nothing can work and have a sense of hopelessness. I realized that sometimes the best approach was to be pragmatic given that I have had to go through about 30 mood stabilizers to find one that worked but the down side of this was at times I distance myself from emotions in general.

[tom1963]

Maybe it is just me, but when I am depressed I seem to be easily manipulated by others like being drugged and powerless to stop from being used.

Anybody else fee this way