Loneliness with BP

[Tyzer33]

I dont know if any of you experience this same thing but why is it that BP makes you feel so lonely a lot of the time? I find myself starring into space somethimes watching other people walk round me and I feel as if im not there. Its as if im a ghost and i could just blow away in the wind, often enough i wish i would just blow away. Some days i just cant take the struggle and ive no energy or desire to fight with myself. You seem to have to spend alot of time in your own head with having BP trying to challenge the negative and suicidal thoughts etc. I feel like such an outsider from normal society and its made worse by people abandoning me since ive been sick, its really great when you get kicked when your down isnt it.

[kittystarr]

I was diagnosed with BP 30 years ago and so relived! I thought i was mad like in the old movies. And i too am so alone . I never could keep friends  because i let them use me and when i was out of use they threw me away . no matter how many people i had around me i always have and do feel lonely. It is worse now that almost all family are gone. There are MANY BP in my family but i am most high functioning becaue i finally made up my mind to fight to be as normal as i can (whatever normal is!?) you name it and i tried it in the past. drugs, sex, sucide, the works and realized no one will ever be there for me. My faith is all that sustains me. The hardest thing is seeing my son struggle too. At least I can listen to him and let him know he is not alone for now. my hardest challenge is living with a hubby who does not understand at all and not having anyone to talk to when i need to work through something to make a deciion.

[Tink70]

We are not alone.  We number in the millions yet we walk in shadows.  If only we could figure out how to create an beacon that was noticeable only to US!  (Sounds like somekind of sci-fi movie! LOL)  It IS nice to know that others feel the same.  It is lonely out here in the big ole world when you feel like you are the only one with BP but there are support groups everywhere.  Seek them out.  You can hook up with other BPs that are stable and trying to control the imbalance - NOT let the imbalance control them.
I happen to be a recovering alcoholic on top of being BPI so it aint hard to find other BPs - you just gotta kinda weed through people and eventually you find them!  I'd wager to say about 70% of recovering alcoholics ARE BiPolar!  We all used alcohol to self medicate and somewhere we crossed the line and became alittle "pickled"! LOL  Anyhoo- Tyzer - You keep your head up!  Find some good counseling and a good website/support group for self mutilation!  That is an addiction, too, my friend!  Just like drinking or druggin!  Find a good Psychiatric PA and recheck your meds!  You might need an adjustment on your medication and you definetly need some intense counseling!  Hope all goes well!

[emilio_el_diablo]

Well I'm 22 I've been bipolar all my life but found out about it a year ago. It feels so great i can reliate with other people like me! Like when you were talking about hell. Everytime i get ''city of birth'' i write ''hell''. I've always knew i was different, that my head wasn't like other people. I've had episodes of mania and alcool abuse and stuff. I use to think id never be able to keep a job, to work over 5 hours a week, or even going out of my appartment walking one block away for milk. But now i have medications. Theyr fixing 90 pct of my problem. Im prety close to stabe and now im using the positive sides of BP disorder. I work 70h a week 7/7 10 hours a day. I love it, im going to school soon, I'm pro with a guitar, im an incredible artist and all. Only thing that is gona ruin my life is that i still feel lonely and that my love life *****. Always ends in huge drama. They never understand me. I just got left for another guy. She purposely drove the knife real deep. Sooooo it triggered another maniac episode but its sort of under control cuz i use it at my advantage >.< btw guys iv read when perfectly medicated you don't feel lonely anymore... Anyways i hope to chat with one of you guys one day... look my name is emile chretien, add me on facebook so maybe we can start a small comunity... so that could help us feel less lonely. Good luck and just don't give up, this disease is a test, lose and you die, win and you come out very strong.

[rogelio63]

I feel lonely.  In a roomful of people, friends, family, I feel like I'm watching from outside a window.  Not all of the time, thank God.  But a lot of the time.  I have a lot of friends, but at work, sometimes I find myself hiding just to get away from people.  So yes, loneliness.  I don't know if it's a symptom or not, but it's definitely there.

[RawHealth]

I see it as a sense of isolation, more than loneliness, though I definitely relate. Glad it is not permanent. Helps a little to tell myself that and to distract myself with things I like, such as up-tempo music and so on.

[hoopbug]

Reading these comments actually lowered my anxiety a little bit. Lately, my depression has grown worse than ever before. I had to quit school, got demoted at work, and feel like I am barely hanging on. I am 22 years old, and I feel like I am watching my family move on without me. For most of my life, I have felt left behind, like I am in a glass box where I can see everything, but I cannot be understood or happy like everyone else. I have been suffering from depression for most of my life, but these days suicidal thoughts seem to carry themselves right into the middle of my life. When you are sitting in public, and all of the sudden anxiety comes on and overwhelmingly blinds you, it becomes very difficult to block out ways to make it all end. It has been scaring me lately because I am worried that one day, I won't be able to fight back. I try to do as many things that make me happy as possible, but I am no longer interested in what i used to be. I am not myself and I feel like I am screwing up my life. I push people away every day for no reason now, and only talk to a few people. Even my closest friends are starting to seem like outsiders to me and because I feel like they don't understand me, I try to push them away daily. I constantly feel INCOMPETENT, selfish, and lifeless. I know there has to be an end, but even on the good days, I worry the bad ones will return and they do.  it has become and back and forth emotion shift everyday. Does anyone have these shifts and how do you cope?