Omg please help. I dont even know how to word this.

[LikeAlice2day]

My 6yr old stepdaughter... Yesterday was beyond words as to how I feel.I'm still trying to wrap my thoughts around it. My stepdaughter has issues with her mother not being around. I'm used to taking the normal lash out from her.. I don't approve or like it.. But I understand it.. To a degree.
Yesterday she was telling me that she wished she could get her mom out her head. That all she does is think about her and dream about her all the time. She said that's why she's bad and don't listen ... She told me she wants me to be her real mom and is majorly kissing butt ... So As the day progresses I know something is up. I hadn't figured out what exactly tho..
Fast forward to shower time, she calls me in there and asks me where the conditioner is that I had just bought her.. I start looking and looking everywhere... She tells me that she don't know hasn't seen it. So she gets out and helps me look, even suggested I wrote a note to ask if anyone has seen this conditioner (we live w family).. The whole time won't leave my side... Talkin about she wants me to be happy and can me n her dad hurry up n get married. Even made a song up that she asked him to sing. It was a cute song.
Later were still wondering about the location of the conditioner. Her dad goes outside to call his mom in a last person on list (we have a weird love hate) cause we really don't like talkin to her .. She has no idea.
I was inside hang in up her clothes and her dad comes in n tells me that my stepdaughter (same one) have it to the great grandmother so she could have soft hair too...
And my mind was instantly blown. What kind of person big or small does this whole madness. To have given it away ..  Ask me for it... Pretend to not know... Help me look for it ... Suggest how to find it... And finally tell her dad the truth. And I am just sitting there dumbstruck... I get why she gave it to her ggma.. But why out on the show of askin me for it? Helping me look for it?

Im so mad and hurt by this. I wouldn't have been mad she gave it away, I would just got more like I did. I think there's more to it same with her dad. But why is she doin this?
As of today she has yet to even acknowledge any type of guilty reaction nor apologize.. Its as tho she don't care. So I have lost all my heart n feelings per say when I think of her. I'm so past hurt and broke my heart. She really iced the cake with this one.. Ive always looked at her as my daughter. Always. But I can't even look at her now.  I'm not mad about the conditioner, it's the dealings and actions of all around it that has me so like wow!

I don't know what to do. I don't wanna make a decision mad. But I really don't wanna be around her. Period. I cannot trust her. She has taken her manipulating tactics to a whole new level up. Read prev. Post...

Please someone somewhere tell me what we need to do. I'm lost. I'm hopeless.

[LikeAlice2day]

Clearly this is why when they don't reach out to groups because all I feel it's like I've been bashed. Now that being given the relationship has much improved she did fess up to stealing whatever or misplaced in giving it away. I told her thank you for. I told her thank you for and that she did not need to go to such extremes that she should have just told me to begin with. Her mother still is not in her life I have moved back to Florida and they will be joining me here because she says quote on quote she can't do this without me so thank you for all the advice I do appreciate it truly but please know that everything is worked out for the best and our relationship is great. She had a breaking moment in February where she apologized for all the mean things that she's ever done that she doesn't mean any of it and since then we have been awesome she knows that I love her no matter what and I know that she loves me and that's why she pushes me so hard. But thank you everyone for your advice

[eeshop68]

You need to take these comments to heart... When I read your post I can see that you think this is all about you and your hurt feelings... it is not! This is about her.. A little six year old who feels abandoned and hurt.  She is trying to find some self worth and security. She wants to know that the adults in her life will not leave her like her mother did.. not matter what. Seeking unconditional love. I pray she gets it. She clearly has not gotten it so far. The fact you said you could not look at her proves that. Your love is conditional. I will love you only if you  behave in a manner I deem acceptable. The minute she does not, you withdraw your affection and turn your face from her. Giving her more of the same treatment she is used to getting. Not worthy of unconditional love. Learn how to give it.. or move on.

[here2help4u]

Alice,
You need to relax. She's six.  Children at this age do not lie with the intent to manipulate, they really have no idea what they are doing.  I too have a six-year-old stepdaughter, and the divorce of her parents is very hard on her as well, and that is why I am always so patient and understanding with her. She didn't ask for her parents to separate, and she doesn't deserve all the difficulty that comes with growing up in two completely different households. These little girls are just looking for love and attention, and are trying to cope with the separation of their parents. Children often feel guilty or as if they are betraying their biological parents if they feel love and affection towards their stepparents. The poor girl probably just pretended that she did not know where the conditioner was so that she could spend time with you, and not feel guilty about it. It seems like she is desperately looking to fill a void that has been left by her biological mother. Just be there for her, and shower her with love and kindness. Do not place expectations on her, and she will grow to love you, respect you, and trust you. Also, remember that as a responsible adult, you are expected to be the BIGGER PERSON. Leave the discipline and parenting to her dad.

[Supernanny193]

She's 6... I don't understand how a 6 year old lying about conditioner could cause you to not be able to look at her.  That seriously makes me question your capability of parenting.
She's a child simply trying to get her needs met.  Maybe she was afraid you would be mad.  Maybe she doesn't like you because she is afraid her daddy will love you more than her.   Kids don't know how to get their needs met.  They don't know how to express their needs.  Hell,  half the time they themselves don't even know what they want/ need.  It is their caregivers job to teach kids these things.  You cannot get your emotions so wrapped up in the small things.  Try to ask yourself what you think she's communicating.  What she's feeling, what she needs.  When humans are hurting sometimes that hurt comes out sideways.  That goes for kids too.

[Nickname2212]

This is the saddest thing I’ve ever read. You probably should save her the extra pain and stay out of her life

[jl49444]

Maybe she lent it to gma, then afterwards realized she was scared that you would get mad at her for it, so she pretended she didn't know.
Now that she lied, she is probably more confused and might have a hard time processing how to fix it with you, again.

[DaveatBareOaks]

I remember a key observation you mentioned. That she stayed close to you the whole time. Was this a subconscious way that her brain caused her to try to establish a connection to your body? Subconsciously(without understanding why she was acting this way) was she 'spending time with you'? I mean 'body to body' connecting by being close to you for an extended time. She needed that 'fix' of being close to you in the effort to replace her mother with you. Just wondering.
Find activities, inside and outside. Play catch the ball...anything to spend time with her. In other words, do the opposite of your own feelings. Does this make sense?