Omg please help. I dont even know how to word this.

[LikeAlice2day]

My 6yr old stepdaughter... Yesterday was beyond words as to how I feel.I'm still trying to wrap my thoughts around it. My stepdaughter has issues with her mother not being around. I'm used to taking the normal lash out from her.. I don't approve or like it.. But I understand it.. To a degree.
Yesterday she was telling me that she wished she could get her mom out her head. That all she does is think about her and dream about her all the time. She said that's why she's bad and don't listen ... She told me she wants me to be her real mom and is majorly kissing butt ... So As the day progresses I know something is up. I hadn't figured out what exactly tho..
Fast forward to shower time, she calls me in there and asks me where the conditioner is that I had just bought her.. I start looking and looking everywhere... She tells me that she don't know hasn't seen it. So she gets out and helps me look, even suggested I wrote a note to ask if anyone has seen this conditioner (we live w family).. The whole time won't leave my side... Talkin about she wants me to be happy and can me n her dad hurry up n get married. Even made a song up that she asked him to sing. It was a cute song.
Later were still wondering about the location of the conditioner. Her dad goes outside to call his mom in a last person on list (we have a weird love hate) cause we really don't like talkin to her .. She has no idea.
I was inside hang in up her clothes and her dad comes in n tells me that my stepdaughter (same one) have it to the great grandmother so she could have soft hair too...
And my mind was instantly blown. What kind of person big or small does this whole madness. To have given it away ..  Ask me for it... Pretend to not know... Help me look for it ... Suggest how to find it... And finally tell her dad the truth. And I am just sitting there dumbstruck... I get why she gave it to her ggma.. But why out on the show of askin me for it? Helping me look for it?

Im so mad and hurt by this. I wouldn't have been mad she gave it away, I would just got more like I did. I think there's more to it same with her dad. But why is she doin this?
As of today she has yet to even acknowledge any type of guilty reaction nor apologize.. Its as tho she don't care. So I have lost all my heart n feelings per say when I think of her. I'm so past hurt and broke my heart. She really iced the cake with this one.. Ive always looked at her as my daughter. Always. But I can't even look at her now.  I'm not mad about the conditioner, it's the dealings and actions of all around it that has me so like wow!

I don't know what to do. I don't wanna make a decision mad. But I really don't wanna be around her. Period. I cannot trust her. She has taken her manipulating tactics to a whole new level up. Read prev. Post...

Please someone somewhere tell me what we need to do. I'm lost. I'm hopeless.

[nattyamacarlos]

Her mother has rejected her and she's afraid that you'll reject her too. That's why she's overly sweet, lies because she's afraid that the truth will push you away. Why she is giving things away it's so that ppl will like her. She just wants to be wanted & liked, so she lies & "manipulates". Many hugs.

[specialmom]

I don't want to pile on.  :>)  I think it is easy to get caught up in the moment and forget the big picture.  She may be a bit afraid of you. Both for punishment and rejection.  And it is true that your natural reaction to this is rejection.  I would be frustrated too to have wasted my time, energy and emotion on a search for something that the child knew exactly what had happened to it but she's very young and trying to please everyone.  Be a rock for her.  what she needs?  You to give her a big hug and say "you could have just told me.  It's okay.  I love you no matter what."  Oh my, what that would do for this little girl!  

[Sammi1258]

I think a little family therapy is needed here, and some parenting groups for blended families. She was abandon by Biomom, that alone could cause long term behavioral problems, Daddy is now splitting his attention w/ her and you. Her emotions are all over the place. If you no longer can stand to be around her and shes only 6. I don't see a happy future for any of you. Get some professional advice before its too late. She lost 1 mother, next one doesnt look too promising either.

[NobodyReally32]

You have lost all love for this kid over a lie? It sounds to me like she is extremely desperate for attention. Kids don't differentiate between good and bad attention. Attention is attention, and kids who are seeking it will sometimes enjoy negative attention more than the positive. Does she get any real attention from either of her parents? I'm guessing that either you are at your wits end because of some horrendous thing that you failed to tell us about, or she's seeking attention (any kind) that she's not getting, as she seems to be surrounded by family members who are ready to throw in the towel on loving her over a bottle of shampoo

[SharonLeeNW]

Alice, Sweetheart.  I know you are confused and feel invalidated, and that you are losing the battle.  But please just forgive this young child.  She is desperate for love, and specifically, love from YOU. YOU ARE HER MOTHER NOW, like it or not.  We moms forgive ALL of our childrens mistakes, and believe me, there will be many!  Your problem is that you are taking her mistake personally.  Real moms do not do this.  We do not ignore mistakes, but we lovingly correct them. At this point in time, she is obsessing on the fact that she does not have a mother.  She is extremely insecure, and is therefore trying to buy the love and approval of others.  She thought her ggma would love her more if she helped her look nice too.  This is all about trying to get love and approval. At the same time, she did NOT want you to get angry at her (lose your love) for giving away the conditioner, so she concocted an elaborate demonstration to prove to you that she was not responsible for the conditioner going missing. The women above have terrific advice for you.  Correct her using the Bible as a guide, but you also must reassure her that you unconditionally love her too!  Do not add to her pain and trauma by turning against her.  She is still only a baby!  You act as though she is a mature grown-up who is pulling a stunt.  This is not the case.  Give this girl what she desperately needs: unconditional love and understanding.  Put yourself in her shoes. In addition, recognize that bonding takes two to three years to become a secure bond.  Build up this bond, don't tear it down.  Raising children requires constant LOVING guidance and direction, so they learn to choose the right path. There will be many mistakes as children grow up, as you will learn when you too give birth to little ones.  This girl is very fortunate that she has you in her life.  Make sure she knows this is a blessing and that she is blessed because you are choosing to be her mother out of the love and goodness in your heart.  One more thing that needs to be addressed is that every time she pushes you away, it's only a TEST, to find out if you truly love her or are only faking it.  Don't be a fake. Be her loving, FORGIVING mother. Replace the image in her mind of her biomom with YOUR loving face!  Choose LOVE. With LOVE, and forgiveness, you will WIN the battle.  God bless you and your family!

[LynnSable]

I really hope that you read these answers! I am so sad for this little girl and worried about your reaction. You have the power here to make or break this little girls life. If your not up to dropping your pride and worrying more about her then yourself...please leave her dad and let him take care of her. You can do this. Learn from all of these comments and make it right. If you don't and you choose to stick around it will inly get worse.