Aa
Do not want to leave my house
I have gotten to the point that I do not want to leave my house. I work for the schools and I am off 6 weeks in the summer. I always think that I will be so productive during that off time and also enjoy my swimming pool. But I don't. I use to write this off to being satisfied with my life but now I wonder. I wake up early but just don't get out of bed, therefore I catnap till about lunch. I sometimes will put my Ipod on and listen to a book while I lay in bed. I like nothing better than surfing the internet, reading a book or watching TV in my bedroom. I really would not even leave my room if my daughters did not comment on what a hermit I have become. Most of the time I do not even answer my phone because I just do not want to talk to anyone. Plus if my husband would not say anything I would not even get of my pajamas. I will always think about the things that need to be done at my house (I have never liked to clean) but I just don't do them. I am somewhat of a packrat and have lots of clutter. But I want my house clean and organized, I find other things to do. We were very active in our church but now I cannot even drag myself out of bed on Sunday Mornings to go to church. I don't even walk out to the mailbox somedays, not that I dread what is in it I just don't go. During the school year I rarely miss a days work but when I come home I do not even want to cook dinner, I certainly do not want to clean the kitchen afterwards. All I want to do is get home as quick as I can and either get on the internet, read or watch TV. I have 2 teenage daughters and married for 20 years to a very attractive man. When we married I was not overweight which I am now by about 75 pounds. My husband is the same size and excerises everyday. He is very disciplined and I am not. I am ADD and take Adderall everyday for that and I am also on 60 mg of Cynbalta. I use to be very social and now I am social at work but other than that I just want to be at home doing things by myself. I am not sure if this is healthy at all.
I do not know what to do anymore. I have 2 kids who I love more than anything and they are the only reason I am still here. I can not ruin their lives because their mommy chose to end hers. But honestly, they deserve better than me. I can not even leave the house most days so they are stuck here with me. I can not get myself up and going no matter how hard I try. I feel paralyzed at times. I wish some tragic accident would happen to me so that my life could end, but it was not me that chose to end it. Then my husband could move on with a wife that adores my kids and can actually give them the energy they deserve. I know my husband would be happier as well. I feel so trapped and hopeless. I see a psychiatrist and a therapist. I take antidepressants. I am trying to get better, but losing all hope. What am I supposed to do? Live like this forever? Put my kids through this forever? I am so lost and everything is so dark.
2 Comments
Hi there. I'm sure sorry you are having this hard time! Keep working with your doctor, keep trying! If you aren't feeling any relief with the medication you take, talk to your doctor about trying something else. Do you have a support group? What's hard when you are a mom and wife is that you know that your pain hurts them so sometimes you might bottle it up inside. So, it's good to have a safe person to be honest with. If there is anything I can do to help, I sure will try. You are important to this world. I wish I could give you the hope you need right now that it will get better. Take one day at a time. hugs
The problem may actually be your marriage. I come from a family and my dad has a personality disorder called narcissism. Look it up and research it. It has become a long epidemic now and mostly affects men. Most people commenting on here seem to be women and seem to be agoraphobic or sick of people. That's because most people suck. Try to find people you love and things you love and cut out all the things that drag you down. Research narcissism to make sure your husband isn't one. Narcissists often drive their partners/wives and friends to suicide. They basically try to suck you dry and kill your soul. Would not be surprised if most people on here have at least one narc in their life. I believe we are in a spiritual war here and depression and despair is spiritual. Yes God can lift depression, He did it with me. Depression is actually spiritual attack from the enemy (the first ever narcissist). Fight back spiritually and win!
Lucky to find this thread. Lol. When I was in my college, I used to be an outgoing person. I love to travel most, hang out with my friends and be surrounded by people. I used to do the things I like to do. But when I got married, I stuck myself in our house taking care of my 2 children. I rarely had time taking a bath and taking care of myself as well. I think its already a depression because everytime my husband will say, you visit your mother's house or you go out for some time with the kids but then I just can't. I think I can't move a single step outside the door. Well, I also planned to go to the church one Sunday but the time seems to run fast and I just realized that its already late in the afternoon and I was not yet prepared or my children as well.
I am sorry you feel the same way I do but I am SO JEALOUS that you have the option to do what you want all day! I hate working and I am so very tired all the time and nothing helps (ex: therapy, medication, reading self-help books).
I think life is so pointless and exhausting and I don't know why people do it.
I hope you feel better knowing that, at least someone out there is jealous of you and would give ANYTHING to be retired and free of this horrible ****.
I think life is so pointless and exhausting and I don't know why people do it.
I hope you feel better knowing that, at least someone out there is jealous of you and would give ANYTHING to be retired and free of this horrible ****.
3 Comments
I am so thrilled to find people out there like me. I thought I was the only one! 44 years old, have raised 5 children, used to be...not really social...but I would occasionally goto a social gathering at friends or families. Now all I want to do is stay home, and the only people I care to see are my children. I do keep a clean house, and love to cook but outside the house I'm a mess. I hate people, I feel like every where I go people are judging me or dislike me, I have trouble keeping a job bc of anxiety and having to meet new people. I just don't care about anything anymore. I used to love to shop, I hate doing that, I used to love to go for walk but hate that, I used to love to talk on the phone and now I hate that. I'm just a big blob of nothing! I have hypothyroid which is out of whack again but nobody listens, I need a job but the thought of it terrifies me. All I want to do is be home in my comfy house, in my comfy clothes, watching TV with my fur babies, or cleaning my house. I have projects to do which I would typically jump to do but now have no interest. I am on several medications for depression and anxiety so I don't know what my problem is!
I like you came to a point where I felt life was so pointless and secluded myself in my bed for 3 months. I was diagnosed with severe depression. Once you have that outlook that life isn't worth living your life becomes a living misery. Knowing your going to wake up makes you miserable because you don't want to deal with life and wish that you could sleep through life. Please i don't know you but I want you to know that you are not alone. Don't give up on yourself and on life. this life is just a milestone to get to the next life. Remember all men/women will die so don't just sit around waiting to die. Snap out of it. Remember the fun times in your life (remember everyone has had some great times in there life eg winning a sport when u wer younger, a birthday party you had that was incredible and you wer in cloud 9 for days, a boy you liked that ended up liking you back and it kept u up all night smiling) remember these things and then go out and find something that will make you happy again and want to live life again. Is there something you always wanted to b eg a nurse a teacher even a shop assistance go out and study it do it u will get back that happy feeling that satisfied feeling that we have all experienced. Don't let these dark days erase the great experiences u have had and now find new memories find new fun exciting memories. Don't wait around waiting to die. Start today don't say tomorrow. Go live ur life and before u know it u will b at deaths door. Get into religion and read about the after life's wher we will b happy and stress free for eternity it makes u feel better about life.
I could have written that myself. I would happily take a bunch of pills and end this **** - but I have a 23 year old son who loves me, and he is the ONLY reason I'm still here. My son is in NY and I moved to N Carolina to be near my sisters and parents (something theyve been pushing me to do for the last 10 years). After 2 psych wards, almost every antidepressant on the market, I begrudgingly moved. I thought I could start over but its been quite the opposite! My sisters dont bother with me because they think Im a drug addict because I take antidepressants, think Im full of **** and think I just need to eat better and pray more. Forget my mother - shes never talked about feelings and is cold as ice! I go to work put on my pjs and do nothing. I havent tried very hard to get out there because I just dont freakin want to!! When I wake up I look foreard to the time I can go back to sleep. I used to be fun, energetic, funny and optimistic - but I honestly think shes gone - FOREVER!! I hate everything and just want to die! I fantasize about being in a car and being in an accident and dying, being shot, dying during some kind of surgety, breaking my neck falling down the stairs so it isnt considered suicide and my son wont have to live with that! Im at the end of my rope - after 20+ years I just cant do this anymore!
I've been depressed most of my life, so I've learned a thing or two. I think you have major depression, and that's a very serious medical condition. If you're thinking about suicide again, you must go to a psychiatrist and get some anti-depressants because they work faster than anything else. Suicide is a horrible burden to inflict on your family and all who know you. You should also get regular therapy. A psychologist is much better trained than a counselor, but is more expensive. If you're on medicare, it's coverage of mental health is not very good for long-term therapy.
If you like to surf the internet, there are a lot of herbs and supplements that people claim help. St John's Wort is one, evening primrose, 1000 - 2000 i.u. vitamin D per day, multi-vitamins, and so on. The company "Life Extension" has a huge inventory of supplements to improve just about every ailment to man that aren't commonly available.
Something you can do that might be the easiest is try to do something pleasurable, esp. for your body, as often as you can -- give yourself a pedicure, take a bath with a scent you like and use body lotion afterward. Get one of those electric auto-massagers, and use a hot pad for your neck (a common site for tension and tension makes depression worse. Get a cat or a very sweet dog (not a military-macho dog) to pet. These activities release Oxycontin which is the "feel-good" chemical in your body. If your husband's a good lover, that'd be great, but otherwise, get some of that super-duper lubricant and some sexy books.
As soon as you feel up to it, start getting some exercise. A dog helps there -- they love their walk so much, I do my best to get them out every day. It's not just the exercise they need -- they also need the sensory stimulation and the emotional satisfaction of roaming. They start doing annoying things if they don't get it. Start with 10 minutes. If all you can do is sit in the yard, at least they get to sniff around there. Mine usually just want to be where I am.
Learn how to meditate. I haven't been able to establish a program here, but it's well-known that it helps depression. In a class I went to, the teacher said to find a time that fits your schedule, and start meditating for just 5 minutes every day at that time.
If your exercise has been going well, start doing something more aerobic. Riding a bike is good since it doesn't put a lot of strain on your joints. You need to build up muscle around them before you take an aerobic class or something. (Found that out the hard way). The ultimate goal is 30 mins 3x per week, but just do what you can. My doctor says it's like taking an anti-depressant -- and no bad side effects! Only good ones.
Military bases may have some funky stuff in the water.(and not just them, either). But you may have accumulated some heavy metals, and they are very bad for the brain. There are some de-tox procedures described on the 'net that don't involve a lot of work -- just vit E and C (anti-oxidants) and this sea-weed stuff that keeps the colon from reabsorbing it. May be bunk, but it's worth trying. Just about anything you can manage is worth trying. Purified fish oil (no mercury) is supposed to be real good.
I've heard that a lot of women have trouble when their husbands retire (I certainly did). Suddenly they're around all the time! Try to find things that take you out of the house. It's hard if you moved after retirement and don't have the support of friends, but make some as soon as you can. The dog walks help here, too. Then you can go out to lunch or a movie together. Regain some distance. See if you can interest your husband in vegetable garden, lapidary work, whatever. Often if you start doing it, they want to do it too. Then they'll keep doing it, hopefully, when you stop.
Hope this helps. Just don't beat yourself up if you can't do these things. That just feeds the depression by making you feel bad about yourself. Just do what's easiest for you and it may make you feel better enough to do a little bit of something else. It's all good. Just do what you can -- take baby steps, one at a time.
I still think you should get some anti-depressants. Don't kid around with major depression. Tell your husband to find a psychiatrist and make you go see him. It'll cost you some money, but this is your life. They can get you feeling good enough so it'll be lots easier (still not easy though :-( ) to get a regular program going with the above self-support things. Then maybe if you hate the idea of taking them, you can wean off them,
If you like to surf the internet, there are a lot of herbs and supplements that people claim help. St John's Wort is one, evening primrose, 1000 - 2000 i.u. vitamin D per day, multi-vitamins, and so on. The company "Life Extension" has a huge inventory of supplements to improve just about every ailment to man that aren't commonly available.
Something you can do that might be the easiest is try to do something pleasurable, esp. for your body, as often as you can -- give yourself a pedicure, take a bath with a scent you like and use body lotion afterward. Get one of those electric auto-massagers, and use a hot pad for your neck (a common site for tension and tension makes depression worse. Get a cat or a very sweet dog (not a military-macho dog) to pet. These activities release Oxycontin which is the "feel-good" chemical in your body. If your husband's a good lover, that'd be great, but otherwise, get some of that super-duper lubricant and some sexy books.
As soon as you feel up to it, start getting some exercise. A dog helps there -- they love their walk so much, I do my best to get them out every day. It's not just the exercise they need -- they also need the sensory stimulation and the emotional satisfaction of roaming. They start doing annoying things if they don't get it. Start with 10 minutes. If all you can do is sit in the yard, at least they get to sniff around there. Mine usually just want to be where I am.
Learn how to meditate. I haven't been able to establish a program here, but it's well-known that it helps depression. In a class I went to, the teacher said to find a time that fits your schedule, and start meditating for just 5 minutes every day at that time.
If your exercise has been going well, start doing something more aerobic. Riding a bike is good since it doesn't put a lot of strain on your joints. You need to build up muscle around them before you take an aerobic class or something. (Found that out the hard way). The ultimate goal is 30 mins 3x per week, but just do what you can. My doctor says it's like taking an anti-depressant -- and no bad side effects! Only good ones.
Military bases may have some funky stuff in the water.(and not just them, either). But you may have accumulated some heavy metals, and they are very bad for the brain. There are some de-tox procedures described on the 'net that don't involve a lot of work -- just vit E and C (anti-oxidants) and this sea-weed stuff that keeps the colon from reabsorbing it. May be bunk, but it's worth trying. Just about anything you can manage is worth trying. Purified fish oil (no mercury) is supposed to be real good.
I've heard that a lot of women have trouble when their husbands retire (I certainly did). Suddenly they're around all the time! Try to find things that take you out of the house. It's hard if you moved after retirement and don't have the support of friends, but make some as soon as you can. The dog walks help here, too. Then you can go out to lunch or a movie together. Regain some distance. See if you can interest your husband in vegetable garden, lapidary work, whatever. Often if you start doing it, they want to do it too. Then they'll keep doing it, hopefully, when you stop.
Hope this helps. Just don't beat yourself up if you can't do these things. That just feeds the depression by making you feel bad about yourself. Just do what's easiest for you and it may make you feel better enough to do a little bit of something else. It's all good. Just do what you can -- take baby steps, one at a time.
I still think you should get some anti-depressants. Don't kid around with major depression. Tell your husband to find a psychiatrist and make you go see him. It'll cost you some money, but this is your life. They can get you feeling good enough so it'll be lots easier (still not easy though :-( ) to get a regular program going with the above self-support things. Then maybe if you hate the idea of taking them, you can wean off them,
1 Comments
I actually think it is the husbands that are causing all this suffering. Look up narcissism.
I am a 22 year old that ***** in her stomach in public because Im terrified of being judged for being fat. I guess it roots from growing up being abused sexually, verbally and emotionally for years. I would and still look in the mirror and get so depressed. I'm a college student and not wanting to leave my house ever is taking over my life. I don't want to get out of bed, I dont want to do anything but be in my bed on the internet. I struggle keeping friends. I get annoyed at everything. I try to workout but with the stress of school all I find myself doing is driving through the drive-thrus. I don't want to go a psych because I don't want to depend on stuff like adderall. Idk what to do I used to really try and be positive during high school and practice self love by atleast dressing up, and always doing my hair and makeup which would help me feel better and want to go out but Im just back to being a negative Nancy. Someone please help, I cry all the time and at times wish my death would not affect anyone.
We are just alike. I have no kids and bi-polar never diagnosed but I know better. I have been under stress and couldn't eat. I have been drinking Bolthouse Farms Protein Plus. I have long hair also and I found that this protein drink makes my hair and nails grow fast and strong. Having had long hair all my life I think it was because I did Yoga and many headstand and the increase blood to the head is good for many things and hair growth is one of them. At my age I just bend over or get exercise. If only they could find a pill to stop gray hair. I have been sitting here all weak not wanting to get the gray out. Take Care Mia in Miami
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