mother daughter relationship gone bad

[Jean09]

Hello.
I just happened to stumble upon this website and decided it was worth giving it a shot. My hope is that i will get some advice on my mother. For a long time now, my mother and i have had a difficult relationship. She's a very conservative woman, she's a jehovah witness, and she also had a bad relationship with her mother. My mom tends to just try so hard to find anything to get mad at and yell at me for. It feels really bad when you're trying so hard to be good enough and just get squashed by your mom yelling at you for everything. I am 18 years old (about to graduate from hs), I am on my school's dance team, I have a job, i get good grades in school, and i have a very supporting boyfriend. I have been working really hard but it has taken a toll on me. I cry often about how my mother treats me. Not only does she treat me bad, but my younger brother seems to be the light of her eyes. Both my mother and father spoil him and i feel like thay play favorites a lot. That may seem like a childish thought and make me seem like I am just a jealous big sister, but even my friends and boyfriend have noticed. (so that means im not going completely crazy) I hate being at home, I isolate myself in my room just so i don't make my mom mad, and lately i've had thoughts about just wanting to die and how it would just end all my pain. But, the more i think about it, the more i think about the people who would suffer like my all my dance friends and my boyfriend. Please help me.

[bradyv]

My heart is broken.  When my daughter was 8 her aunts boyfriend hit her.  I yelled at my sister and told her he need to say he was sorry my sister and mother said well you know how Carrie can be.  I was shocked and told them get out of my life  my daughter is my world so for years I gave up all my family for carrie.  Over the years Carrie has been getting in to troulbe alot of trouble and I  was always there for her.  Now she is 25 and has contacted  her aunt who I stopped talking to and Carrie has been disrespecting me and thinking her aunt is the best.  I told Carrie she should go live with her aunt then she was grat  you dont want me anyway  she has broken my heart and I have cried so much I cont  do this any longer,  ANy ideas do you think i did the right thing and will the hurt ever go away

Help me breath again

[madison17]

hey
my name is rebecca, i am 17 years old and about to be 18 in less then 3 to 4 months and my mom means the world to me. Yeah i agrue to all what all you wonderful ladies have said.. my mother is 55 and adopted me when i was 6 years old with my younger sister whos 13 now and was 2 when we were adopted.. i have had many fights( agruments) with my mom and we have came nose to nose before.. but we always make up in the end...when i was 16 i was hut by my dad and now my parents are devoriced.. i live with my mother and my little sister and my cousin whos 11 and brother whos 17 and now ... i help her with the cooking,, cleaning and eerything she needs done! i will always love her no matter what!:)

[Esabella]

I am a mother of three sometimes we get so caught up on everything else we tend to forget that "Not with the worst intend but, I am guilty we forget that we are to caught up in our daily affairs -that we forget to stop & acknowledge the fact that there is a sweet little angel that Is a good Girl she is not out there doing drugs having sex or skipping school, We don''t know how to act when we know the end is almost here, See in a way she know's that you soon will go off to make your own life & that is sad she might not say much but deep down she is much resenting the fact that she has to let go, maybe in her own way she feel's that if she does not get her feeling's involved she will not have to think about it as much I know sometimes my oldest daughter states.

I remember when you were my best friend,Ah but when she got her new boyfriend she din't even know I was around.Be patient with you and most of all she loves you very much sometimes life can be cruel. she may not say much about her true feelings but Oh If you all knew how the loss of letting go can be so hard Think  of all this the next time she yell's at you maybe this is the only way she can put her shield to keep from hurting.

       We as Mothers want the best & sometimes what may look like it is the best for you may not be the best for us , But that is only because No one or nothing is good enough for you there is no Generic or second best when it comes to the best & that is you.

[therese83]

Hi

You cant change your Mom's behaviour towards you.  Somehow you just have to find the stregnth to be your self.  You are an adult now and try not to let her control how you feel.

It sounds like you mean a lot to a lot of people and I am sorry that your Mom cannot be more accepting of you.  She is making a mess of it from the sound of it!

[ProdigalGirl]

Sweetie, sometimes mothers and daughters fight like cats and dogs. I know I went through a period of that with my mother when I was 16 yrs old. You stated your mom is a Jenhova's witness. Do you practice the same religion and beliefs she does? If you don't perhaps she is saddened that you are not. Your mom may also be jealous of you. Just a thought, You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders and maybe she is silently miserable and envies your youth, looks, future etc. Just keep on keeping on and for goodness sake,, do not isolate. Worst thing you can do. Stay sweet, optimistic that this will pass and pray a lot. You can always pm me if you need advice from someone old enuf to be ur mother. Geeeese I feel old. God bless sweetie!


ProdigalGirl

[LeftCoastChick]

Being a teen is tough, let alone not having support from your family. I went through the same thing, with being the ignored child in the family. With you having the suicidal thoughts, it's really important to see your family doctor, AS well, see your counselor at school. There is a fine line between neglect at abuse. If you feel you are, definitely see both your doc and school counselor.  It's good that you realize doing such a permanent thing for something that will pass, suicide is no way to solve your problems.  I moved out as soon as I graduated. I used to try and please my family as much as I could. I realized I couldn't change them, but I had to change me. I no longer try to find affirmation in my family, they aren't going to change. You can grieve for your relationship, but you need to get on your own two feet and find yourself.

Here's a website that has a list of hotlines and you can find support groups as well.

http://www.befrienders.org/