what pain are you talking about? What is causing pain? You need to get it all out, everything u have been holding in and start dealing with all those things. I used to cut myself I dont anymore. You will find that all the things you are doing does not elimate the pain. It my postpone the pain but it doesnt take it away. The only way to get over the pain is to fight it head on. Suicide it not the answer There was one point in time I thought the same as you but the I realized I have been put on this earth for a reason. I wasnt ment to die. I was ment to help people who need it. and I was ment to be a mother... you are not ready for that yet you need to help you first get through school, grow up, find the love of your life and dont settle for whos there you find the one the perfect one and you will have a wonderful family and I promise you will find your calling!
I don't know if you are alrready in treatment and I am glad you have the opportunity to get some help and understand what you have to do to open some of those doors that have been shut fo so long.
Check bacck with us and let us know how it goes and how you are doing.
You didn't mention what you have done so far to treat all of your pain. Have you taken any medication or had any counseling before now? If so, don't give up, because you haven't gotten the right medication and need more therapy. I do understand about the pain of depression feeling intolerable and wanting to commit suicide to just get rid of the worst pain that I have ever felt. It was greater than the terrible head pain that I had during a major stroke, during the severe migraines after that which led me to the ER as I could only vomit from the pain, and Trigeminal Nerve pain which is also known as "suicide disease" because the pain is like electrical shocks. But nothing compares to the pain that I had with the severe depression. At the time as I was trying the old anti-depressants (before any of the newer ones were on the market), I would take an Ambien which would just put me to sleep to keep from killing myself. But the right medication completely cured me of that severe depression. You can be helped too. Keep in touch about how you are doing. There is help.